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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI had my feelings hurt today
During the past year I lost a lot of weight. Mainly due to my contracting gallstones. That was followed by a liver infection. Then I was diagnosed with high blood pressure.
My poor health and need for survival and look after my health dictated I lose weight. Since my first diagnoses, I've come down at least 5 dress sizes. I've gone from a size 22 to a size 12/14. I'm all about healthy eating and exercise.
My center is in the process of moving to another building where we will all be housed. Instead of us leasing 4 buildings, we will now inhabit 2 buildings on this new property, and our agency owns both buildings
My program moved last week. This afternoon I ran into a manager whose program is due to move in next week. (our center has 8 programs and our new building has 8 floors. they are moving us in by the floor, and my program is on the 8th floor).
She is a deputy director in another program. She is of Italian ancestry and is very slim. Her program is to move in next week and she was over checking out the her new area.
As I was leaving today she kept yelling at me loudly to wait up for her as I was headed to the elevator.
She commented on my weight loss and wanted to know if I had had "my mouth wired in order to lose weight".
I can't tell you how much that offended me.
My retort was that I wasn't Chris Christie. I can't afford quick fixes. I've had several health problems which dictated that I take my health into my own hands. Also the death of my only child only added to my determination that I get my act together. I walk with a limp because I have to have surgery on my right leg, but that still does not deter me. I need to walk to clear my head and get my daughter's death out of my mind.
She looked like a complete fool when I was finished. But for some reason I still feel hurt.
Now I just want to punch her in the mouth.
winter is coming
(11,785 posts)but I'm not a very nice person.
I'm sorry it's been such a tough year for you, but props for losing so much weight!
leftyladyfrommo
(18,868 posts)leftyladyfrommo
(18,868 posts)Don't let some insensitive person like that ruin your day.
Fuck em! I say.
mimi85
(1,805 posts)I DO have cancer and at least half a dozen other immune issues. If anyone wishes Sjogren's Syndrome on you, run the other way. Worse than the cancer (leukemia). Hang in there, we've all said things that we wish we could take back, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you.
When I was quite young, I asked a rather large woman when she was due. Um, bad "oops." Life went on.
Good for you and be thankful you don't have some egregious disease. Props for losing the weight. Damn, I'm 5'6" and got down to 100 pounds unintentionally when I had emergency brain surgery last year (non malignant meningioma).
Now I'm at 128 and would like to stop there. For some reason, I have the worst sweet tooth. Used to be a salt freak. Oh well.
Hugs and be well!
GiveMeFreedom
(976 posts)works like a charm. Except I do have cancer and there is nothing charming about it. Of course, one look at me and there is no doubt about it. Good thing is I retired two years ago and living pretty good. My dad got a hair up his nose and wants to send my whole family on a cruise to the Alaskan North Passage, all expenses paid. I told him "no" at first, it's to much money, but he's already paid for everything. It's going to be a nice cruise. Peace.
winter is coming
(11,785 posts)Ilsa
(61,695 posts)Please take good care of yourself while you are going these changes. The pain of your grief will be with you for awhile, but I hope it will lessen some over time as you remember the joy she brought you. I hope the people around you will understand that and cut you some slack.
CatWoman
(79,302 posts)Memorial Day will mark the first anniversary of her death.
And we can't believe how fast time has flown
Ilsa
(61,695 posts)you caught the edited version.
Yes, I think at first it feels like time has frozen, then zoom! the world around you moves ahead and you are faced with your first devastating anniversary.
Be with your loved ones if you can. Share your strengths.
Peace.
JanMichael
(24,890 posts)We'll think about you especially that whole weekend-
Congratulations on the weight loss.... that is so hard to do-- I hope you are starting to feel better
NYC_SKP
(68,644 posts)And I can't think of anything you could have said or done that would make the hurt go away.
I admire your strength, CatWoman, and feel proud of you.
CatWoman
(79,302 posts)and finally I'm going to take her advice.
Thanks SKP.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)With this in this country.
Just watch for medication side effects.
:hugs:
LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)Especially after the hell you've been through.
Can I slap her silly after you've punched her in the mouth?
Hugs to you and hoping your health continues to improve
KT2000
(20,583 posts)Screw 'em!
You put her straight and I am sure she has thought of her comment in a different light. You have had a hell of a year and you are dealing with it in an incredibly positive way. My hat is off to you - and like I said - screw 'em!
PeaceNikki
(27,985 posts)REP
(21,691 posts)Silent3
(15,220 posts)...in the mouth and get away with it?
REP
(21,691 posts)And there's no "fantasizing;" anyone who dares speak to me that way gets just that. Fortunately, since I've just had shoulder surgery, I live among civilized people who do not speak to me that way, but I've put out cigarettes on the hands of men who thought my blouse was something for them to reach into.
mimi85
(1,805 posts)Starry Messenger
(32,342 posts)Why can't people engage brain before moving lips? My mother would have killed me into next week if I ever made a personal comment to someone.
Honor your achievements on your health, that is really hard work I know.
pipi_k
(21,020 posts)can't do that.
I have a sister who often makes inappropriate comments. I firmly believe she has some form of Aspergers, as her behaviors all fit the "symptoms". She is otherwise intelligent, but does not know how to engage on a socially appropriate level with other people.
It's not her fault.
I guess I would have a huge problem with someone wanting to punch her in the mouth for being someone she never asked to be.
madaboutharry
(40,212 posts)It is great that you are working at getting healthier. As far as this woman is concerned, I would try to ignore her. She's a cow.
I remember when your daughter passed away. I am sending hugs and love.
Aristus
(66,382 posts)You'll always be beautiful to me...
Glad to hear your health is improving!
Jasana
(490 posts)Seriously, that woman should have her mouth wired shut. It seem like there are more and more witless, rude idiots around.
I'm sorry for everything you've been through CatWoman and I don't blame you for wanting to punch her in the mouth.
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freshwest
(53,661 posts)sheshe2
(83,787 posts)It just proves that you are the better person.
Get well, CatWoman.
pacalo
(24,721 posts)I think your self-discipline & determination despite your personal circumstances is quite impressive.
I applaud you, CatWoman. You're amazing.
AnotherDreamWeaver
(2,850 posts)love_katz
(2,580 posts)Huge congratulations on all the hard work you have done and are doing to heal yourself, both physically and emotionally.
Sending to you.
Sounds like the other woman forgot to engage her brain and her heart before she put her mouth into gear.
Kudos to you.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)Take care of yourself and keep on walking and breathing deep.
And you can tell us all you want.
Your hurt is much deeper than your words, and I think she will be ashamed of herself when next you meet. Some people have not seen a lot of trouble. If they had, they'd show more compassion.
Perhaps when next you meet, you will be ready to forgive and ease your heart and your blood pressure.
Your hurt gave you the courage to speak and you told the truth. Good for you.
I am for your baby and sending you a for tonight.
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)it was a 'teachable moment' and I'm sorry you had to be the teacher. It is hard to teach someone compassion, when they have hurt you.
I hope you are able to celebrate your health success, and I am sorry for your loss. I know the first year after I loss my mother, I couldn not BELIEVE how much holidays are advertised, if you know what I mean.
Here is a for you tonight.
LeftInTX
(25,367 posts)It sounds like you have overcome alot. And if she's a manager in a unit she's in a position of authority, which makes her comment even more hurtful.
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)edited for typo
UTUSN
(70,706 posts)Who has the privilege of you in person.
DinahMoeHum
(21,794 posts)Hugs and prayers for you.
PDJane
(10,103 posts)I am losing weight because I need hip/knee replacements. Mine are shot.
I don't blame you for being hurt. There is nothing in a question like that that deserves an answer. I'm always amazed when supervisory personnel say things like that. It's just impertinent and gob-smackingly stupid, not to mention incredibly rude.
You are worth the work; she isn't worth the time, energy, or thought.
Skittles
(153,169 posts)I would have kicked her ass - you know what girl, that gal is just JEALOUS - there is no other reason someone would ask such a crap question. Let it go, she is NOT worth it. But also be aware that weight loss surgeries are not simple "quit fixes" - they are very often the last resort of a lifetime of pain for people. Be careful with judging those folk the same way that gal judged you.
Cleita
(75,480 posts)I too have taken off about 40 lbs in the last two years, the old fashioned way with diet and exercise, for similar reasons to yours, my health. There was no magic fix like stapling or getting a jaw wired. Honestly, it's too bad you can't punch her in the mouth. You'd feel better, I'm sure.
JI7
(89,251 posts)on physical appearance and especially weight.
she probably sees anyone that isn't just overweight or obese but isn't "perfectly" slim as having personal control issues or being lazy or anything else negative .
Warpy
(111,270 posts)I usually fix such people with an icy stare and "What an odd thing to say. What provoked you to say it?" They usually stutter and stammer and slink away.
Well, that's unless I'm having a bad day. Then I flat out tell them how rude they are.
You get to feel the way you feel. She was rude and hurtful. Kudos to you for not making it necessary for her to have a jaw wired shut!
raccoon
(31,111 posts)RudynJack
(1,044 posts)I'm very sorry for your loss - I hope the pain fades and is replaced with loving memories.
tavalon
(27,985 posts)but going to jail prevented you from clocking her, a clocking she deserved so much, it hurts. Of course you still feel hurt. What you were able to do was far less than that creature deserved.
Now mind you, I've just gone down a brutal path with a borderline so I could be projecting. I know how much I have to tamp down constantly.
Cha
(297,289 posts)drilling through the airwaves, CATWOMAN, after all you've been through!
So sorry to read about the loss of your daughter and all you've been dealing with regarding your health. Glad you're determined to be strong and not let anything stop you from healing
jaysunb
(11,856 posts)Dyedinthewoolliberal
(15,577 posts)Sometimes we ( the human race) can be incredibly unkind.
tblue
(16,350 posts)"Are you gonna have your mouth wired in order to stop taking stupid?"
No. Don't do that. I'm sorry she hurt you. But don't be mad too long. That's giving her way too much power over you. When you're ready, forgive her. Not for her, but for yourself. Because you are better than that and you don't need any more ugly in your life. Send out loving vibes and you'll be rewarded 10 fold. If you want you could talk to her again and say how her words upset you. But it sounds like she knows she said a dumb and insensitive thing and she already feels bad or at least embarrassed by it.
I am SO SORRY about your daughter. Big hug.
radicalliberal
(907 posts)Excellent response!
Shrike47
(6,913 posts)Some people just need to be told they're rude.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)think they have a right to say offensive things like that. I have had complete strangers say things like you are so beautiful if you only could lose the weight. Once I went into a store to buy my husband a strawberry short cake (I can't stand strawberries) and these two ladies were standing in front of the freezer door I needed to get into. I'd say it took about a minute until I said excuse me ladies I need to get in there. They knew I was waiting and finally one said oh excuse me and back away. Once I got the item and moved out of their way one of the ladies said to me "you know that is fattening and you shouldn't eat that". I was to upset to say anything and walked away. Inside I was crying but on the outside I wanted to punch the bitch in the mouth. But I didn't. I don't know where people think they have rights to offend heavy people. It seems this is the last group of people that it is alright to offend. Well I learned to answer back people like these. Now if someone says something like that I ask them are they living in my home? Are you my mother, father, sister or brother? Do you pay my bills at home? Then when the answer is no I tell them to mind their own "F"ing business. Then I remind them to look in the mirror because I can do something about losing weight but they can't do anything about being ugly to the bone and then I walk away. Usually that shuts them up. But you don't have to take anything from anyone. You should tell that woman you were offended by her question. That will put her on notice that she will watch in the future what she says to you about weight. By the way congratulations on your weight. I know it's very hard.
redwitch
(14,944 posts)"You look AMAZING! I am determined to lose weight now, you have inspired me, how did you do it?" What she asked you was not only rude, it was BIZARRE! Why would anyone assume that because someone has lost weight they must have done it through an extreme procedure or other?
CatWoman you are a most beloved DU friend and I send you a great big . I cannot imagine the struggle to maintain one's health while grieving such a devastating loss. Bless you my friend.
H2O Man
(73,559 posts)Next time you see her, please say, "My brother wants to know: did you have a lobotomy, or were you just born this stupid?"
She doesn't want me coming over there, and telling her about herself. But I will.
stlsaxman
(9,236 posts)"What other people think about me is none of my damned business"...
and that this person felt the need to share her idiocy and thoughtlessness with you is only to her detriment- not yours!
Ya done good... and you're doing good.
alphafemale
(18,497 posts)Realize she didn't intend to be mean and move on.
raccoon
(31,111 posts)You handled it well. Maybe next time she'll think before shooting off her mouth.
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)there that don't apply the brain before they apply the mouth.
I hope your health continues to improve.
WinkyDink
(51,311 posts)have her mouth wired!
bemildred
(90,061 posts)I think she was trying to be friendly and complimentary and just didn't know how to do it right. I am in much the same place for weight loss and health and diet and so on, and I have people who would try to compliment me in that backhanded way too. And allow me to offer my own praise, I know how hard that is to do.
babylonsister
(171,070 posts)I just want to hug you. Please don't waste 'you' on her; you didn't deserve that, and you are a far better person than that insensitive woman will ever be. Take heart; you are loved, a lot.
chillfactor
(7,576 posts)I lost a grandchild and I know how difficult a time it is to work it through..
I also went through weight loss...I was 280# and now weigh 135# ..and like you I did it the right way...through diet and excercise....
kudos to you for your strength....
AngryOldDem
(14,061 posts)Why people have to be such assholes, I can't say.
At least you put her in her place.
Bluenorthwest
(45,319 posts)a last resort, a thing not wanted at all, a life saver. Not a quick fix.
Rather than pick at your exchange, I offer what I would have said when asked if I wired my jaw shut:
No, is that what you did?
a kennedy
(29,672 posts)but d*mn.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)I'm sorry that happened, and that you can't really punch her in the mouth.
malaise
(269,049 posts)Bet you're feeling great and looking great.
Save her comment about your wired mouth for her next outburst and then tell her if hers had been wired she would think before speaking.
OneGrassRoot
(22,920 posts)send you many
PCIntern
(25,556 posts)My response to those types of remarks is as follows:
"That is the most ridiculous thing you have ever said, except for everything else that you have ever said."
It invariably leaves them speechless.
Zorra
(27,670 posts)qualities to learn how to laugh off anyone who pulls useless negative trips like that on you?
Never let 'em grind you down.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Tikki
(14,557 posts)You are my DU Hero and have been since 2002..
Fighting for your health is so important.
That stupid woman will never really understand...everything is surface scratch with her
mind set.
You are amazing and loved here...be sure of that.
Tikki
radicalliberal
(907 posts)My dad had a saying he repeated to me oftentimes as I was growing up, having to put up with bullies and other assorted jerks at school. (I didn't appreciate his saying at the time, but now I do.) He'd say, "Don't let the b*stards get you down." We can replace the word "b*stards" with "b*tches." We feel hurt by these people. Believe me, I've been there. But eventually we consider the source. They're just not worth it.
Congratulations for losing weight and taking charge of your health!
ZombieHorde
(29,047 posts)Sorry that person was being a complete asshole, but she can't take away all of your efforts and successes, no matter how much poop she has in her skull.
You made a plan, you're seeing it through, and you're accomplishing your goals. Her stupidity cannot alter those facts.
A Simple Game
(9,214 posts)like you over reacted to a casual attempt at a conversation.
Do you usually want to harm others just because of a poorly worded conversation? You mention in another post you are going to seek counseling. Good idea and good luck, I wish you well.
Fla Dem
(23,690 posts)There's no need for a remark like that, even if she was trying to be funny. My first comment would have been, "You look MARVELOUS Honey". Then I would have congratulated you
So here goes..............................
You, my dear Catwoman, look Marvelous!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!
proud patriot
(100,706 posts)Jamastiene
(38,187 posts)I have no nice words to say about the woman who made you feel so bad.
But for you:
matt819
(10,749 posts)Or go for the guilt.
I've lost about 15 pounds, and the local coffee shop owner observed that I was looking thinner (and, so, better - but that's another issue entirely, isn't it?). Then she gasped and said that she hoped I wasn't ill.
I told her I wasn't ill and thanked her for observing that I had lost weight.
All in all, I was pleased that she noticed the change, and, as I thought about it, it didn't really matter to me what she thought about how I'd done it.
I think you handled it right. Maybe the other woman meant to be an insensitive jerk; maybe it's just the way the words came out. In any case, how much you chose to reveal was entirely up to you, as was the manner in which you delivered the response. She felt guilty, and that's fine. Maybe she'll hold it against you. Maybe she'll learn something from the exchange. Doesn't matter. It's over. No need to retain the anger. You know what's behind the changes, and the prices you've paid, and that's all that matters.
randome
(34,845 posts)Worried senior
(1,328 posts)insensitively but you are doing great, keep up the good work.
I too remember your pain and the loss of your daughter.
another_liberal
(8,821 posts)A cat would claw the bottom of her curtains to shreds and then pee on her couch.
They are wordlessly eloquent creatures.
librechik
(30,674 posts)i too, am struggling to lose weight without the popular jaw wiring procedure
(Huh?? WTF???) in fact we could be weight watcher twins as you describe it
Try not to physically assault those idiots who feel it is their place to advise you on your most personal issue. Altho I wouldn't blame you if an accident happened.
LOL
all the best my dear DU friend
Debra
janlyn
(735 posts)I hope she at least had the good grace to look shamed. I had a co-worker who was also a church of christ pastor who when the church was mentioned, delighted in saying LOUDLY ( oh, that's right janet you're a what again? A devil worshiper?
I am a Buddhist. It always hurt but, I never could do what you did which was call her out on it!!
Good for you!!!! Chances are she is jealous of your resolve and will power!
Octafish
(55,745 posts)The anger she brought out in you is from the hurt your heart contains. While it doesn't seem logical, letting her off the hook will make it easier for you to continue as the wonderful human being you are, rather than become what she is fighting to avoid being.
I love you, Cat Woman. Just the way you are, were and will be: perfect.
WillyT
(72,631 posts)You pay her no mind...
We all love you here, and think you're the cat's meow.
perdita9
(1,144 posts)And please ignore the idiots around you. They are not worth your time or your attention.
truedelphi
(32,324 posts)What a rude remark.
It is also unprofessional - how in the world does she know who your connections are, and whether or not you might be instrumental in getting grant money to go to her or her programs.
In any event, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. To achieve better health in the face of that loss shows what a strong spirit you have.
Your daughter is proud of you.
RainDog
(28,784 posts)It's so painful to lose someone you love. It can take a long time to come to terms with that loss. Take care of yourself and don't worry about silly people.
Number23
(24,544 posts)Sending you as much healing as I can. May you find peace. God bless you and your beautiful daughter.
deutsey
(20,166 posts)A big for you from another DU old-timer like me.
Lydia Leftcoast
(48,217 posts)you can pride yourself on being a much better human being than her.
La Lioness Priyanka
(53,866 posts)that its really hard to lose weight and the only way i could have done it is if someone sewed my mouth shut
CrazyOrangeCat
(6,112 posts)She can go to hell.
TuxedoKat
(3,818 posts)for putting her in her place. She was probably so embarrassed at being such an a--hole, that she didn't think to apologize. If you can, forgive her the ignorant comment, it will be better for your health.
And congratulations on your weight loss -- sounds like you are on the right path. (((HUGS)))
allan01
(1,950 posts)man . i just wish some ppl woud follow the old advice ," if you cant say anything dont say it at all". grrrr. cat woman, here is a
KentuckyWoman
(6,685 posts)She cornered you into an emotional fight (in an elevator no less where you could not physically leave). Well you gave her the beat down but yeah, being forced to fight with a rude idiot on top of everything else is VERY hurtful.
Hopefully it will setting into your heart and mind that the problem is all hers. Next time (and there will hopefully NOT be a next time) she decides to single you out, you can hopefully refuse to show up to the emotional fight and just tell her to buzz off in whatever fashion is natural for you.
My fav -- "That was kinda rude. Are you OK?"
Or look at the bully condescendingly, shake my head, and just walk away.