* * * DUzy Awards: Week ending June 14, 2013 * * *

Last edited Mon Jun 17, 2013, 06:51 AM - Edit history (2)

[center] Welcome to the DUzy Awards - A day late and a dollar short edition



[font color=blue]To nominate a post for a DUzy, simply reply to the post with "DUzy"
somewhere in your response, and I'll do a search;

if you want to make sure I notice it, PM a link to "The DUzy Awards."[/font]

DUzy winners are noted in [font color=#800080]purple;[/font]

Editorial comments by me are in [font color=#FF0000] red italics. [/font]

[font color=black] Please note: In general, I do my best to avoid awarding a DUzy to a post which makes fun of another DUer in a mean-spirited way, is on one side of a controversial subject, or otherwise seems like it would be offensive to anyone besides the average right-winger. Being imperfect, I will probably still offend some DUers - but that's not for lack of effort on my part to avoid doing so. Please keep all this in mind when nominating something for a DUzy - thanks again for your help! [/font]

[font color=blue][center]Special thanks to:

Aerows, annabanana, AsahinaKimi, BainsBane, Brother Buzz, Buzz Clik, CaliforniaPeggy, chknltl, Dash87, dixiegrrrrl, eppur_se_muova, flamingdem, L0oniX, LeftInTX, malaise, MineralMan, Mnemosyne, NV Whino, pacalo, Poll_Blind, reflection, roody, Scuba, treestar, and UTUSN

for their invaluable assistance with this edition.[/center][/font]

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by Major Nikon

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018406432

[font color=black] When I said we needed a safety board for the Lounge, this is not what I had in mind



[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by dipsydoodle [/font]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018409390

[font color=black]Lodger Required - UK advert [/center]
Hello, I am looking for a lodger in my house. I have had a long and interesting life and have now chosen Brighton as a location for my retirement. Among the many things I have done in my life is to spend three years alone on St. Lawrence Island. These were perhaps the most intense and fascinating years of my life, and I was kept in companionship with a walrus whom I named Gregory. Never have I had such a fulfilling friendship with anyone, human or otherwise, and upon leaving the island I was heartbroken for months. I now find myself in a large house over looking Queens Park and am keen to get a lodger. This is a position I am prepared to offer for free (eg: no rent payable) on the fulfillment of some conditions. I have, over the last few months, been constructing a realistic walrus costume, which should fit most people of average proportions, and allow for full and easy movement in character. To take on the position as my lodger you must be prepared to wear the walrus suit for approximately two hours each day (in practice, this is not two hours every day - I merely state it here so you are able to have a clear idea of the workload). Whilst in the walrus costume you must be a walrus - there must be no speaking in a human voice, and any communication must entail making utterances in the voice of a walrus - I believe there are recordings available on the web - to me, the voice is the most natural thing I have ever heard. Other duties will involve catching and eating the fish and crabs that I will occasionally throw to you whilst you are being the walrus. With the exception of this, you will be free to do whatever you choose, and will have a spacious double room, complete run of the house (with the exception of my bedroom and my workshop), and use of all facilities within. I am a considerate person to share a house with, and other than playing the accordion my tastes are easy to accommodate.

Due to the nature of this position I will need to audition all applicants before agreeing to take the chosen candidate on as a lodger. Please contact me if you have any questions.

[center]http://www.gumtree.com/p/flats-houses/lodger-required/1021568193[/center]
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by pinboy3niner

[font color=black] Coo coo ca choo

I'm there, baby!
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 3 by rurallib

[font color=black] Oddly, I think the Lounge may have someone who could fit the bill
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 4 by pscot

[font color=black] Several someones, I would imagine
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 6 by eppur_se_muova

[font color=black] "other than playing the accordion my tastes are easy to accommodate" ...

Well, at least it's not the bagpipes.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by Scuba

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022982884

[font color=black] At Theme Parks, a V.I.P. Ticket to Ride

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 9 by madmom

[font color=black] Stuff like this is why I refuse to go to "amusement" parks...

what's so "amusing" about standing in line for hours for a 3 minute ride? What's so amusing about heat prostration? What's so amusing about spending hundreds of dollars for the a fore mentioned "fun"? Try going camping, visit a national park, go see the Grand Canyon, or the bad lands. This, IMO, is MUCH more amusing not to mention educational as well.
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 14 by Scuba

[font color=black] + One Zillion
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 16 by Buzz Clik

[font color=black] A zillion? Really? You only get one vote, Scuba.

You're starting to act like you have a DU VIP Pass.
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 21 by kiva

[font color=black] "It creates the haves and have nots"

Last edited Mon Jun 10, 2013, 12:28 PM USA/ET - Edit history (1)

Of course, one could say that about going to Universal Studios and other theme parks at all.

Edited to remove unnecessary snark.
[font color=#FF0000] (DUzy awarded for the phrase "Edited to remove unnecessary snark&quot [/font]




[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by Playinghardball

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022994917

[font color=black] Fun Fact...LMAO



[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by bunnies

[font color=black] No wonder right wingers think life begins at conception. nt

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by sibelian

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023003366

Right. So presumably all my porn passwords are now in the hands of the CHINESE?

The YELLOW PERIL plotting and scheming in their OPIUM DENS are now metaphorically sniffing my underpants. I feel so fucking secure.

Way to go, NSA.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by CJCRANE

[font color=black] Chinese agents are now rubbing their

hands with glee!
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 3 by HubertHeaver

[font color=black] uhh.....it's not their hands they're rubbing.....
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 2 by Jeff In Milwaukee

[font color=black] One of my favorite porn sites...

involves Chinese sniffing my underpants. So no big whoop....
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 5 by In_The_Wind

[font color=black] Must change passwords ~ Kumquat will become cumquat

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by MineralMan

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022985262

[font color=black] Warning: Take Batteries Out of All Cell Phones RFN!

I hear that the government is tracking everyone using the built-in GPS in your phone 24/7! THEY KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!

After you do that, shut off the electricity in your home, unplug all computers and other electronic devices, and tape aluminum foil on all windows. Then, go into your guest bedroom and pull the covers over your head.

Let those with ears hear, and those with eyes read.

I'll say no more...you have been informed!

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 3 by onehandle

[font color=black] Then how will I get my porn? nt
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 7 by boston bean

[font color=black] I'm seeing a whole new meaning for your screen name. nt


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 23 by In_The_Wind

[font color=black] Books


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 10 by msanthrope

[font color=black] The old-fashioned way--delivered by the USPS in a plain brown wrapper.

We could save the USPS. Think about it.
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 15 by emulatorloo

[font color=black] Plus USPS tracking numbers are a bit of a joke

Never been able to track a package with them - sounds like a foolproof plan!
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 4 & 38 by geek tragedy

[font color=black] With AT&T's crappy coverage, they can only tell where I am 30% of the day.

Can you imagine the drone program using AT&T to track a subject?

"We have the target located within a several block radius. Just about have him . . . shit, dropped call."
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 41 by William769

[font color=black] Please stop I haven't had this good of a laugh in a while my sides are hurting!

I just scheduled my colonoscopy with my doctor on my verizon phone I wonder if they have a camera for that also?

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 52 by azurnoir

[font color=black] whoa that just gave new life to

the government peering up ones 'backside'
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 55 by William769

[font color=black] Please They wouldn't be the first!


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 56 by KittyWampus

[font color=black] OMG! The Govt. is secretly taping the insides of our colons?
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 81 by Sheepshank

[font color=black] I know you think you are joking

but there was a lengthy discussion on another bb where the freepers were freaking out about the very same colon health subject matter...of course it had to do with Obama care...but it all ties together!
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 84 by Whiskeytide

[font color=black] How else can they...

...locate republican's heads?
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 43 by SecularMotion

[font color=black] Good Evening. We're from the Government



[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by HipChick

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022978568

[font color=black] We don't trust private contractors to operate metal detectors at airports

but we do trust them to run NSA surveillance programs and access to data? um...ok..

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by Fumesucker

[font color=black] Totally different, one is looking at your naughty bits, the other at your naughty bytes n/t

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by HipChick

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022991278

[font color=black] Snowden lied about his salary...

He only made $120,000 a year...confirmed by Booze Allen Hamilton...contractor rates in the industry are good, but not $200,000 good without advanced degrees...

First rule in being a martyr..don't lie..it adds to lack of credibility...

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 17 by Nuclear Unicorn

[font color=black] Any guy trying to date a dancer exaggerates the size of his salary -- amongst other things.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by JaneyVee

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022978974

[font color=black] WHY Hong Kong?!!!

In 2006 Hong Kong passed laws to allow wiretapping phones, bugging homes, offices, & monitoring email. Not exactly a bastion of free speech: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/06/world/asia/06cnd-hong.html?_r=0

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 5 by randome

[font color=black] Because a sign on the Ecuadorian embassy in the U.K. said 'No Vacancies'?



[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by Hissyspit

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014507286

[font color=black] CIA Deputy Director Michael Morell Resigns

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 3 by Ian David

[font color=black] He wants to spend more time spying on his family. n/t

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by Gravitycollapse

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022973720

[font color=black] I saw heavily armed NYPD guarding the Morgan Stanley building entrance...

In Manhattan. Helmeted and carrying AR15s.

I asked them if they were protecting us from the bank. They didn't seem terribly amused.


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 8 by MannyGoldstein

[font color=black] Don't worry - they'd do the same for you if you had any perceived threats

They're here to serve and protect all of us.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by yortsed snacilbuper

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1251310175

[font color=black] Josh Romney not ruling out run for office in Utah

Romney said he plans to continue to play a role in Utah politics.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865581188/Josh-Romney-not-ruling-out-run-for-office-in-Utah.html

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 2 by Capt.Rocky300

[font color=black] Does Josh not understand.........

Dog Catcher is a local position, not state wide?
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 8 by Hippo_Tron

[font color=black] He probably doesn't understand the need to have dog catcher

I mean, doesn't everyone just put them on the roof of their car?

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by steve2470

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023019765

[font color=black] Man Claims He Spotted Florida’s Elusive Skunk Ape

http://miami.cbslocal.com/2013/06/14/man-claims-he-spotted-floridas-elusive-skunk-ape/


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by NightWatcher

[font color=black] thought this was going to be a Rick Scott thread
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 4 by johnp3907

[font color=black] .



[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by Archae

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022969232

[font color=black] Why do we so eagerly take to woo?

I mean medical woo.

That includes the anti-vaccination nutjobs and con artists.

Homeopathy.

Chiropractic.

Naturopathy.

Faith healing.

First off, how can we tell what is woo and what isn't?
Well, there are some sure signs a medical claim is woo.

Refusal to be scientifically tested, or after testing, claims that can't be backed up.

"Conspiracy" by the government/"big Pharma"/etc. to keep a product off the market.

Only evidence shown is testimonials.

"Ancient Chinese secret" or such.

So why do too many people go for woo?
Because medical science doesn't have all the answers.
So people go for outlandish claims.

"Miracle" cures.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by Liberal Veteran

[font color=black] People who believe in pseudoscience have a misalignment of their chakras.

I have a friend that can fix that with crystal healing meditation.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by CK_John

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022996445

[font color=black] You go for an interview and are handed this question.

Define the basic difference between IPv4 and IPv6.

Would you be able to answer this query to get the job???

Welcome to the cyber-era and the reason that 50% of college grads and those over 40 can't find a job.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 18 by proud2BlibKansan

[font color=black] IPv2


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 29 by Squinch

[font color=black] Michelle Bachmann said the vaccine for it causes cancer.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by steve2470

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022996215

[font color=black] Mother, daughter caught smuggling $59k sewn in bras

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/11/mother-daughter-caught-smuggling/2413447/

[/center]DETROIT -- Two Canadian women were caught trying to sneak nearly $73,000 into the U.S. by hiding the bulk of the loot —$59,000 — in their bras, according to a criminal complaint filed Tuesday in Detroit federal court.

The women, who were mother and daughter, were detained at the Detroit-Windsor tunnel on Sunday while en route to Detroit Metro Airport, where they had planned to catch a flight for Lebanon to visit family, the complaint said.

Red flags went up at the border when the mother, Moura El-Asmar, 51, told a customs and border officer that she was carrying $3,300 in Canadian currency. When questioned about U.S. reporting laws, she "stated once again" that she only had $3,300.

Turned out, she had a lot more tucked in her bra, the complaint said.

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 1 by FarCenter

[font color=black] That's some bust!
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 3 by pinboy3niner

[font color=black] How much were they smuggling? BRAzillions!


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 4 by TheCowsCameHome

[font color=black] They made quite a pair.

Yep.
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 6 by malaise

[font color=black] Didn't know they made bras in size

K!
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 7 by pintobean

[font color=black] Now I understand the term

"cop a feel".

I don't think it takes Sherlock Holmes to discover a bulky mass in a bra.
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 8 by Blue Owl

[font color=black] Since when is it illegal to underwire funds?


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 10 by rug

[font color=black] It won't hold up in court.
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 11 by Hekate

[font color=black] Busted



[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by KG

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018405713

[font color=black] Squeezing breasts could prevent cancer, best. study. ever. says

Getting to second base, the holy grail for hormonal boys, is now science: New research has shown that squeezing breasts could prevent malignant breast cells from causing cancer....

http://m.now.msn.com/squeezing-breasts-can-stop-cancer

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 10 by pink-o

[font color=black] Oh, please! Who put up the grant money for that research?

And how many scientists volunteered to help with the live subject experiments?


[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 41 by AsahinaKimi

[font color=black] I would never ask my cat...



Ouch....ouch!! stop that!!! (at least Husbands or boyfriends don't have claws)
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 33 by 7wo7rees

[font color=black] Next you're going to tell me masturbation cures blindness. n/t
[div class="excerpt" style=background:#FFFFFF] [font color=#800080] [center] Reply 43 by Orrex

[font color=black] Well, you're reading this, aren't you?

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=black] [center] On an OP by n2doc

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022992554

[font color=black] Nestlé introduces bottled water for “trendy, high-income” women

[font color=#FF0000] As tears stream from my eyes, I give this entire thread a DUzy and highly recommend watching the videos at the link. [/font]

[div class="excerpt" style=background:#AFEEEE] [font color=#800080] [center] OP by ashling

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018407204

[font color=black] Addresses only the British could have



[font color=#FF0000] I fear I may have crossed the line by adding this one in.. but these are some pretty funny names. [/font]

Keep the faith, DU!