I am officially confused. (those who know he would say that is not a rare event. but...)

I am going to think out loud here for a bit....as a very left wing liberal/Democrat, one of our principles (to my mind) is to reason, think, change our minds - I live in the gray of ambiguity (and love it there). I hate to follow (I hate to lead as well) - I like to be, process, experience, live - enjoy my hobbies and loved ones, work for change when possible and necessary, pull back when I just can't take it anymore. We are not a party of purity tests, blind following, hero worship - because those two main things don't connect (ambiguity and free thinking do not equal hero worship).

And so I am confused. We are well into President Obama's second term. He has had an unprecedented deck stacked against him from the very beginning - infinite funds to create messages and efforts to block he, and most Democrats, from accomplishing their goals. But despite this, much has indeed been accomplished, and I believe there is more to come - and that is a testament to the talents of Obama and the messy, too-slow, form of our government and its bodies, working (and often not working) together. We know that elections have consequences, but it seems like Citizens United and big business and bankers and the 1% don't agree. And it has been as ugly to behold as many of us thought it would be.

But sometimes, when we get into deep discussions here about NSA, snooping, delay of the ACA provision as reported yesterday, many other items, large and small over the recent years - I think we are stronger when we can each process these things as we see them - and that is messy as well, because we are all so different in every way imaginable.

So it has been a very odd few months when I've been really surprised at some of my reactions to news items - I've felt criticism and disappointment at our president more than I expected, or hoped to, but feel no less a Democrat or liberal - but I've appreciated the ability to feel those things and express them freely. Our country may seem to be coming apart at the seems - but I will feel pretty damn fortunate to be here just because of the ability to be pissed off, even as I respect and admire our leader.

Trust is another thing altogether, and I think each of us will have different definitions and calibrations of trust. For me, I simply don't trust any politician - don't know why - maybe it is how I was raised, or my life experiences. But...nope. I trust my wife and two daughters (implicitly trust, that is). Friends, somewhat to a point - but it must be two way, and earned. But politicians - those I don't have a clear understanding of their true workings and ambitions and concerns? Nope. Admiration and respect is the best I will be able to do.

And that works for me.