he's obviously conflicted too, between being a nice guy and a complete tool.

The nice guy won this time, give him some credit.

I agree!

He'll have to admit you're not so bad for a Lefty Commie Pinko too.

at a nice local restaurant---For SURE...

Always reward the good. Return kindness with kindness. It is truly the path to enlightenment!

A traditional Native American story describes a boy who was feeling angry and upset at an injustice, who goes to his old Grandfather for advice. The Grandfather tells the boy that he, too has felt these feelings of hate and anger. The Grandfather shares that he has also realized how these feelings have no effect on his enemy, but they do cause him great pain.

“It is as if I have two wolves living inside me,” says the Grandfather. “One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.”

“But the other wolf,” Grandfather continues, “fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. The smallest thing will send him into a fury. He cannot think because his anger and rage are so great; however for all its fury, his anger changes nothing.

“Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.”

The boy looks into his Grandfather’s eyes and asks, “Which one wins, Grandfather?”

His grandfather replies, “Whichever one I feed.”

just express calm, gentle, disapproval in a very brief way. And then move the subject on. You may actually be able to influence him.

You won't make him a Democrat, but you might just be able to bend him slightly toward that direction.

He has been a very pleasant surprise, so i'm certainly willing to give it a good try.

yeah, baby steps.

with a picture of Obama on it :p

There's not really much more to it than that.

You don't have to answer. Guess you would have told if you wanted inquiring minds to know.

no need to feel conflicted. Even republicans do some nice things some of the time. This time, you are the lucky recipient of it.

Continue with the way you were - being polite, etc. Nothing else is needed.

is probably something else you can agree on!

I have teabagger neighbors, too. They've never done me a lick of good, but I'd be appreciative if they helped me out.

People are complicated.

perhaps in exchange, you could stop thinking about him with a few of the terms you tossed out in your post.

If he is a veteran, then he is not "living off the teat" anymore than any other veteran. He earned the pension he receives.
If he is on disability, then assume it is earned not just something he fakes because he is overweight - as you said, not all problems are evident.
If he spends his money on new vehicles, that's his business, isn't it?

I guess what I'm saying is that it appears that because you dislike his politics, you dislike what you see about him.

If you liked his politics, would you feel differently about those things? If he were a solid liberal would he still be "living off the teat" or possibly faking a disability because he's obese or spending his money unwisely because he buys big trucks and slaps liberal bumper stickers on the back?

It sounds like you have tried to look past the politics to the person; I'd say that's a good thing. Maybe if you put the person before his political views you might find it easier to continue being a good neighbor.

I apologize if you have already thought this through; I'm just observing what I see in your post.

I might add that his disability might have been due to his military service.

And I wasn't disparaging you in any way, if that's the way it came across, I apologize.

Good heavens. That is how he goes on and on about entitlements, ignoring that he benefits from government established benefit programs as well and why I referred to his views as "classical teabagger".

I'm a bit sorry now I posted this, if it is going to make me be so misunderstood. sigh...

I merely wanted to point out that even those who meet all the stereotypes can surprise you and that we might still want to give benefit-of-the doubt whenever possible.

We seem to have a DU climate where some are just waiting for the chance to misstate, misunderstand and ATTACK fellow Duers. sigh...

you did not in any way indicate that was his term for himself - and the rest of your comments are your opinion of the man, I'm pretty sure.

I'm not judging you, hlthe2b - I'm suggesting that your post reveals the conflict you feel about this situation. I'm really glad he could - and did - help you out and I think it's great that you can give him the benefit of the doubt. Understanding makes for good neighbors and it looks like you are both that to each other.

On edit: I see you edited your post to include the information that it was his information - but please don't claim that you were being "attacked" and "misunderstood" based on the original. That is totally disingenuous.

version seemed to for MOST posting here)

I'm sure it is now clear - but stop the innocent defense. The people who "attacked" you did so before you edited, and after the first few who either didn't care about the "living off the teat" remark or didn't catch it, the negative response was the majority - not the minority of responses . . . until you started protesting and finally edited your post to clarify.

If you want to continue insisting that you are the injured party in this, be my guest.

than ask for clarification.

When it happens to YOU (and given the current climate on DU, it surely WILL), lets see how willing YOU are not to defend yourself.

Really?

Your original post was not clear to many of the first posters in this thread, including myself. My post to you was not in any way intended as an attack - it appeared that you were trying to reflect on an unusual situation and I thought it worthwhile to point out that in your post - and I include in that the remainder of your points (gets disability, but he's fat - hmm? Lives on his disability and pension but buys new vehicles - hmm?) were things that you might want to consider in a different light. (I'll note here that you haven't modified those other comments).

You came back and accused me of reading your post the wrong way, suggesting that was NOT what you said and that you were only using his words. You actually posted that to me BEFORE you edited your OP.

You have been completely disingenuous about this, when all you had to say was "I didn't make myself clear originally". Instead you've responded with "OMG - see my post 17!!" over and over again as if, somehow, your edit makes your original post disappear.

It doesn't.

Yes, you have managed to irk me, hlthe2b. I don't need this teenaged angst and projection, nor the hand-waving protestations of someone who is apparently incapable of admitting that they wrote something that more than one person read the same way I did.

unbelievably and unnecessarily argumentative. Teen-aged angst? What on earth...

Others here were able to comprehend and respond to the message in the thread. So, yes, not all are so willing to intentionally misconstrue the words and intent of fellow DUers. Some day this WiLL happen to YOU. Hopefully, though I will be around and gracious enough to defend you, rather than malign you and not say I told you so.

your ever so gracious concern is noted.

Whoops my mistake answering both at once.

For gawd's sakes, I do not believe as HE does. I'm merely pointing out the paradox.

you were simply giving his POV.

Please read what was originally written if you want to discuss this with me.

He thinks everyone, except himself, is not deserving of support.

You've got a whole litany of judgement for someone who seems to have helped you out...

If anything it should show that you don't seem to know the first thing about this guy...

Do you live in a good ole boy community too?

his health enough to place snarky air quotes around "disabled"?
And you say HE is the right winger?

My BIL is retiring from the Army this year 30 + years, 15-16 moves (how would you like that?) in that time frame, deployed many times (Irag & Afghanistan)..away from my sister for 6-8 months at time even when a war was not going on for training..

Tons of hours...shot knees from jumping out of planes

That is HIS POV, not MINE.

Jeebus

It really looks like you're the one using the term. If I didn't recognize the OP author I'd have been on your backside for it too.

Most seemed to understand, but hopefully this makes it more clear.

To be honest with you, though, I should not have to "save" myself, but for the the lynch mob mentality that now inhabits much of DU and those who are unwilling to give any benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification, rather than going on a group attack. I appreciate that you, however, did so.

When it happens to others, as it surely will, I think those who engage in this may begin to rethink.... One can only hope.

your FIRST version. For crying out loud, they go jumping off the handle when they see a word they don't like. You're not at fault.

For instance, recently there was an OP about a southern woman cussing out the GOP and she turned the air blue, even with the infamous "B" word. NOBODY MADE A PEEP ABOUT IT. When I went on a rant a couple weeks ago maybe, they fairly came out of the woodwork in holier-than-thou indidnation. Some of the same people who'd praised the other OP! Apparently that's a special word okay for some to sling around with abandon and others, even another female who almost never swears, must not whisper or here come the thought police with their fire hoses.

There! That's what I think about that. BTW, the female I described has been lying to callers about ObamaCare and thoroughly deserved the appelation, even though I didn't reveal her identity or her company's identity either. I just called her what she is.

on the disabled recently -- the Sixty Minutes Republican attack and at least one thread on DU in which some rather astonishing statements were made (by a few) supporting old stereotypes and hype about the disabled not "really" being "disabled" and cheating good old 'Muricans out of millions. As the OP points out, a person can have terminal cancer or another grave condition but not necessarily "look" disabled at a particular point in time. That is up to doctors to determine, and SSD and private insurance companies that deal with this matter.

I think the quotation marks in the title are off-putting. Yes I read the entire post, and I understand that the OP is not trying to criticize the disabled or argue that the republican vet is not truly disabled.

likewise does not consider himself to be disabled-- and will tell you so.

Weird that when I looked at the OP you hadn't edited yet -- must've been stuck in my cache.

and admonishing them to read #17. Post 15 hit the sheet before you cleared things up.

My husband: 20 years. Two tours in Vietnam. Twelve years all up at bases that didn't authorized families. Hearing shot to hell from working EOD and flight lines. Uncle won't pay for the kind of implants he would need. Post trauma from the fun and games in VN. He makes about 15K a year off that "teat".

Me: 21 years. No combat. Back then, "girls" were banned from combat zones. I was a REMF who worked more than few hours 'overtime' making sure the heroes were paid, fed, their families taken care of, in short supporting the hell out of them. Still waiting for a thank you from them. Yeah, waiting for hell to get frosty too. Almost forgot, living out of duffel bags and not knowing from one day to the next where I'd be and what I'd be doing. I make a bit more off the 'teat' than the spousal unit, but not that much.

"Yeah. Lifers have it made. If it's so goddamn great, why didn't you step up." Wish I had a dollar for every time I said that in the past 46 years. I wouldn't be so worried about the fed defaulting.

Next thing I know I'll have DUers claiming it was ME who used the 'N" word

Reading comprehension folks. I truly respect Veterans, their service and especially disabled in the cause. After having been here since January, 2001, I should think folks would not assume otherwise, but sadly there is a lynch mob and intentional "outrage" brigade on DU that attacks anyone over anything, rather than give benefit of the doubt and/or asking for clarification.

teabaggers or repbulicans in general are not really "bad people". They somtimes have hearts of gold when it comes to neighbors and friends.
However, there is a psychological disconnect in their logic. So many of them will say they want the same things that we do, but the logical process seems to break down when it comes to voting.

In other words.... I have no fucking idea!

there's surely a selfish prick in you. In me as well-- everybody's that way. I'd take the opportunity to express my gratitude and try to think of that kind side of him whenever you interact.

I have right-wing associates who have helped me with a lot of things, and I've done things for them in return. One of them likes to engage me in political rants, another simply keeps his political stuff pretty much to himself. I go with the flow.

I think a lot of Teabag types are hurt & angry people, often with a sense of justice that they feel has been violated. Many of them are pretty tribal and unable to extend empathy to those who are very unlike them. Some are driven by a twisted theology. We are all somewhat compartmentalized, behaving differently in different circumstances and roles.

I think you will find that you can make contact with the decent human within most people if you get past your own judgmentalism and sense of self-righteousness (Teabaggers tend to have enough of both to cover the situation without you adding your own). Banging heads with others accomplishes little except for sore heads and maybe concussions. Much better to open a pathway of communication and let them see that you don't fit their stereotypes when they get to know you.

As far as the disability--many can't be seen from the outside. For example, Agent Orange is now acknowledged to cause cardiovascular damage and heart disease. People on medications for such conditions may gain weight. They may also be lethargic, depressed, irritable and angry.

Or maybe it's PTSD. You don't know but what he may be living in an internal Hell Realm replete with constant anxiety,sleep disorder, nightmares, hypervigilance that manifests as general distrust, etc.

That old bit about walking in another man's moccasins…

I have already thanked him profusely, sent him a very nice and appropriate token of my appreciation.

I merely wanted to help others realize that even our most ardent political "opponent" my be far more complex than we sometimes give them credit for.

Only an idiot would assume that one is completely good or completely bad, based on politics alone.

I have a republican veteran friend that as much as I disagreed with his political beliefs, I always new he was a good person deep inside. He helped me many years ago as a fellow veteran, I never thought that I deserved any disability from the VA. He kept telling me I do for my particular physical limitations. I finally filed a claim, the process was very long. I was sent to the Regional VA for a day long battery of medical tests. Believe me there is no lying to these doctors, they have it down to a science. In short I am now receiving VA benefits that I am very thankful to have in this economic down turn. He also knew I was left bent, he was helping a fellow vet, when it comes down to it.

nor anything else he is recouping from his years of admirable service. I AM NOT.

I am merely referring to HIS own POV and hypocritical attitude towards others who reap these same benefits.

I have never been a Republican with these kinds of NON-values. Progressives honor service and likewise do not denounce those receiving both earned benefits and those as part of the society safety net.

...when things get more abstract.

During the campaign we heard a lot of anecdotes of things Romney had done that were supposed to prove how caring he was. One of the Koch brothers donated money for a day-care center at MIT. They were perfectly capable of being decent human beings when something touched them directly.

But the minute things step away from their personal contact, stereotypes and prejudices rule the day.

In your situation, all I can say is don't smack a hand that helped you. It would only add to his worst tendencies.
I've seen his type before. At best it takes time and patience to bend him off his current path. It might not work at all, with them constantly tripping on FOX and RW radio & websites.

Be the person you've been, the one he goes a bit out of his way to help, and be the example of a real liberal, not the caricatures he eats up.

Just because there is not perfect agreement does not mean there is not a connection and feeling.

And maybe one day he will see the light. . One can always hope.

'Glad that you get it, at least.

that make them nice people? would he have done the same if you were an africa american( im assuming youre not since he uses 'that word' around u). does he know youre one of the lib-tards he bitches about?

Your neighbor saw someone who could use some help, and stepped in to do just that.

It doesn't matter what his political views are. Before all the silliness that divides us, skin color, religion, money, politics...we are all members of the human race. Deep down, I think that he must believe that.

If everyone could put their differences aside, as your neighbor did, and perform an act of kindness for another, this world would be a much better place.

His kindness could be "the exception that proves the rule".

Every generous act requires a receiver. You can play that role this time.

People are more than the sum of their outward appearance or overt behavior. People have hidden depths that sometimes are reservoirs of light.

I'm hoping that this person-to-person kindness might be a bridge so that you two can talk more frankly and openly about things like politics. For example, next time he "refers to that N in the WH", it might be an opening to say, nonchalantly, "You know, I'm having a hard time reconciling your obvious kindness with such nasty and violent sentiments. What gives?" It will take some thickness of skin to endure his views as he opens up a bit, but you might be surprised if his surface is all rough and tough "I got my stack Jack, hands off" while having a caring interior. Racism is ultimately an inner wound and usually an imagined wound. You might be able to help him heal a bit and get to a better place. But, as always, there is no obligation for you to do so or to incur any unpleasantness you don't want.

even a broke clock is right twice a day.

Actually, some of the most ignorant people I know are kind and caring people. They've just been uneducated, brainwashed, or just plan-the-fuck don't know any better.

Say thank you. Do something nice. But don't let that be an excuse to not hold him accountable for all of the other insane ideas he holds.

Then read the unedited and, ok, although I didn't see the issue, maybe because I had first read the edited OP, I could see where some might see it differently.

The point is, we all face these people every day and it's a dilemma. When I hear someone make a blatantly racist remark, I have a hard time being civil to that person and do my best to avoid them. However, when these people are family or the next door neighbor, it is more of a problem.

Like someone else said, your neighbor is conflicted too. He hates "libruls" but you're a "good guy."

I blame all this hatred on the likes of Rush Limbaugh, et al. Hate media has hurt America so much I wonder if we will ever recover. Way to go corps!

Every day I remind myself that deep down, she means well . Even though she is subconsciously racist and I'm black, I pretend to be nice, change the subject and move on. They are definitely conflicted.

All we can do is be good stewards ourselves and prove that liberals/minorities are good people too.

Of course, I call her a dumb bitch in my head but she has been very good about my medical issues and allowing me time off when I'm ill.

people imaginable. It frequently causes me a lot of cognitive dissonance because I am very angry at these folks for their political activities.

as his politics - live and let live. A little gift of appreciation would be nice.

I agree with the first post: send a thank you note and bake him a cake.

My youngest son is a "fox news republican". Other than his political leanings, he is a wonderful father and husband.

Floods in both Nashville and Colorado, I can safely say that when the chips are down, Americans as a whole are amazing people.
In not one instance where we were helping others or others were helping us did anyone ask what party they were affiliated with, what church they went to, or who they supported in the last election.
It was all, you need help? Here we are.

And that goes for moderates, to the worst racist teabaggers.

we are all able, for good or ill, to compartmentalize our thoughts and separate some of our more abstract beliefs from real life.

Good thing, too, or we'd all be acting like Congress and get nothing done.

The Republicans I'm running against in this town aren't bad people, and while listening to some of them debate this morning one said some things that made me think I could vote for this guy if we weren't running against him.

So, when the chips were down this guy you thought was a horrorshow was the guy who came through. Life is funny that way, and I bet somewhere down deep you're thanking God, yourself, and your second cousin Jimmy that you didn't spend the last two years going off on him over some political point.

Sorry to see the pack of jackals up above who seemed to be just looking for a fight, but we've all been through that here. Personally, I've been a Republican troll, homophobe, racist, and a few other things around here. Don't let it get to you.

And remember that no matter what you've heard, nice guys rarely finish last.

That said, I always refer to those people as Democrats who just don't realize it.

Living in a RW-leaning town, and meeting mostly hate-radio listening people daily (customers), its a normal contradiction to me.

I think of it as the difference in how we view people in general; I think most people are good, hard-working, honest, and that they get less than they deserve out of life. Right wingers look at people in general as selfish, lazy and dishonest, who are mostly getting a free ride off the work of others. All politics derive naturally from that foundation.

Either way, both sides think of themselves as good, and are more prone to offer a helping hand to people they know.

on edit - most people aren't especially aware of where their patterns of thought derive from, so I tend to bend conversations toward the good things in people. Not likely that it makes much difference or raises awareness, but it makes the conversations good exercises for me, at least.

and depending on the circumstances, online too. Send him a gift certificate to his favorite restaurant, and continue to be a good neighbor. Ignore the negative comments on here. It's too bad people assume the worst on here.