Borowitz: Overjoyed Romney Celebrates Voters Hating Him Marginally Less Than Santorum

BOSTON (The Borowitz Report) – Moments after squeaking out a razor-thin victory in Super Tuesday’s crucial Ohio primary, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was in an exuberant mood, telling supporters in Boston, “I stand before you tonight as the man people hate slightly less than Rick Santorum.”

Mr. Romney said that he hoped to take the momentum of being marginally less despised than Mr. Santorum all the way to the Republican convention in Tampa.

“The voters of Ohio have said that they want the lesser of two evils,” he told the crowd, “and I am lesser.”

But in the Santorum camp, the former Pennsylvania senator showed no signs that he is ready to get out of the race: “In states like Oklahoma and Tennessee, voters spoke loudly and clearly that they can’t stand Mitt more than they detest me. That’s what I call a recipe for success.”

-snip-