...but I don't do any of that shit!

Education - like the contents of this post do help make people more conscientious though - at least that is what I'd like to think.

I replied above that I don't do any of that stuff.

But I'm 52 years old.

I bet when I was 22, I was guilty of most or all of it.

Education and experience.

At the same time, that is what makes people feel justified in disregarding what people with disabilities might have to say. I read somewhere that the main challenge in challenging stereotypes is that people have to acknowledge being retroactively wrong. It's embarrassing. Kind of like discovering you've been using a word incorrectly only worse.

I think I have been pretty good with regard to your comments, but I don't know if I have been perfect. When it is laid out in black and white, it can easily help to make others adapt because, like I said, most are not malicious and want to do the right thing.

A slight analogy is something I have seen since I have known a lot of Asian Americans and have in fact married a Japanese woman (who is originally from Japan). Often times, there are a lot of people try to make small talk with Asian people by discussing their Asian-ness or trying to show interest in their "culture." Most of the time, however, Asian people, like anyone else just want to be treated like any other person one meets on the street and not like a foreigner/someone completely different. Another pet peeve for my wife is that she gets furious and thinks about how idiotic most Americans are when they assume she is Chinese or that because she is Asian, she can speak Chinese - as in, "oh they all look/sound the same." She gets very irritated by that - "what are you fucking stupid? I don't speak that language! I am Japanese you fucking moron!"

I can't imagine how frustrating dealing with other assumptions must be for her.
You haven't offended me.
I was referring to people who say they can't possibly be against the poor, people with disabilities, etc because of the donations they make every year. Yet, tune out if you make a suggestion that maybe people with disabilities don't like to be called handicapped.

Thanks for the thread, loyalsister.

It has gotten good responses.

Peace to you, loyalsister.

A good friend of ours has a form of MD that kept his mom bedridden for much of her life and also afflicts his little daughter and two of his siblings. His life is severely proscribed by it, and his wife even threatened to try to take away his visitation rights because he "couldn't keep up with a toddler". He was alway fat, but the forced inactivity hasn't helped. Anyone who knows him has seen how he struggles with slopes and stairs; strangers, though, often decide that he's "not handicapped".

Recently, some old bitch walked by his car, which was parked in a handicapped spot, and muttered about "fat people getting handicapped stickers when they don't deserve them". He went over and yelled at her and her husband, and asked if she would like to change places with him and take on his muscle disease.

He showed up that afternoon at an event at his daughter's school, and who is sitting there but Judgemental Old Bitch. He said she didn't seem embarrassed. These self-appointed Defenders of the Handicapped Spot need to just shut their fucking mouths.

I have a friend who has CP. She has a t-shirt that says "I'm just in it for the parking"

It's easier than explaining my kidney disease and strange arthritis

I'm spoken to. And then answer with only yes/no.

you need to remember that disabled people are not just like abled people, but not mention it in any way or give any consideration to how it might affect them (for fear that it might lead to you talking about it, or that it might be thought as relevant in any decision you may consider ).

respectful dialogue

respectful curiosity

different and equal

Basically, as I read this list, it suggests people don't acknowledge a disability unless first brought up by the disabled person, but also remember that the person isn't "normal" (and who really is NORMAL these days anyway, as someone else posted).

Unfortunately, if you lay out a bunch of rules for someone to avoid being labeled some sort of "ist", this will encourage some to just avoid the interactions all together for fear of doing or saying the wrong thing.

You say that yet can not understand the concept that if people who don't have disabilities, people with disabilities are the opposite.

"it suggests people don't acknowledge a disability unless first brought up by the disabled person"

You are totally misinterpreting. The point is that maybe people with disabilities are interested in sports or the weather. There is a fallacy that people with disabilities are so governed by it that they have no interest in anything else.

If you view them as rules and not just some suggestions to consider, that your own problem. The point here was to give open a dialogue, but people seem to be very defensive.

they are not aware are "wrong".

I understand what you are saying, and the purpose for posting such a list, but if you make a list of a bunch of things that might potentially piss of a conversation partner (not even specific to this, but for any reason), some people will just decide the risk of screwing it up isn't worth it and avoid the conversation altogether.

The idea of this list is for people to question their behavior and consider the possibility that there might be things they could do differently and achieve productive results. Unfortunately, sometimes people aren't inclined to approach the possibility that their ideas about people and how they treat them are off base.

didn't take it as it was intended.

If they need your help with something, presumably they'll ask for it. Otherwise treat them like you would anybody else.

But I did not realize it.

I have always gone out of my way to assist the disabled. Have always
treated the poor with gratuity. Treated all races as I would be expected
to be treated. But I am a white male, now retired. I wonder if I would be the
same if I was crippled, or off - color, or had a silver spoon (painful, I would
imagine, ... it gets shoved up your rectum).
Self-righteous? Yes I am, I look out for my grandchildren. They are so innocent.
I have had hardships, but have always been supported by society. I imagine,
if you are in need, you will have to spend your life on bended knee.

as a disabled person myself this is my biggest pet peeve about being disabled. I have to put up with this day in and day out. I can walk on my own without my cane any more thank goodness but because of my bad back, I know there are some things I simply can't do.

African American families are notorious at doing this. Because I'm always at my computer working on a script, my relatives at least the ones who are always judgmental always call me lazy. They keep forgetting I have 3 slipped disk in my back. If you ever had back problems, you know how painful those can be. I'm not supposed to be doing a whole lot of heavy lifting but my grandmother who I live with often needs help and often changes things around knowing how much it irks me.

As a partially sighted person, if the lights go out, I got to be able to know where everything is. Some of my relatives are always fussing about how easy I have things but they have never stepped foot in my world and see how hard things are.

My biggest worry used to be what would people think if they saw me holding the arms of another man or woman. On top of that, when trolls find out I'm disabled, I get called all kinds of names. I get called a fat slob, yes I am 296 pounds but they don't know that I lost 50 of those pounds through sheer will and determination, they call me a retard because of my size when they don't know a thing about me. In short, I really wish people would be a little bit more sensitive when it comes to those of us who have disabilities.

The recent article about people with disabilities gaming the system focus on back injuries. I was really disgusted. It's hard enough to live with without being considered a suspect or criminal.

I know it's splitting hairs, but is not the preferred term "person with a disability"?

.... "disabled." The acceptable term was some variation of "challenged."

It's really so hard to keep up.

Person with a disability is the most accepted. And, it is most preferred among people who have adopted "people first" language as a cause. I think they have a point and defer to them when it comes to using respectful language.
Some people with disabilities dislike the term "disabled" but I like it. The point is that we are a demographic and "disabled" is the box we check.

Any variety of "challenged" is obnoxious and insulting. It's origin is people who felt like they were being imposed upon when asked to use respectful language made a joke out of it by going to an extreme.

Man, this is hard. (Oops, I probably shouldn't say "man.&quot

Some are gifted

The normal curve is a hoax.

I have dark hair and Epilepsy. The assumption that it is a bad thing is part of the problem in this conversation. It's a fact. Aside from a variety of difficulties I face, it's a neutral condition.

I once was in a conversation about racism and the idiot said that I was being racist by saying he's black. Obviously that would only be true if I thought there was something wrong with it.

Yet some people (not referring to you) are obsessed with the concept.

In terms of speaking to a doctor, for example, there is an idea of generalized and individual range of "normal" that's good to use as a reference. Outside that, we each all have our own "normal" which is our everyday reality

democratic Congress people are conspiring to tax medical marijuana by saying that many are faking and that by not taxing it the patients are placing a burden of the rest of the tax payers.

One common argument in favor of legalization is that it would be taxable.

medical marijuana patents. They say people who are not really disabled are getting approved for medical use. They are also saying that medical patients that use it for medicine should be taxed. Pharmaceuticals are not taxed. Medical marijuana should not be taxed.

You can't have it both ways. If it is going to be used for recreation, it should be treated like alcohol and nicotine. It's not impossible that either of those could be recommended for a medical situation. I once had a procedure where the Dr. recommended caffeine for pain relief. Should we stop taxing coffee caffeinated soda and chocolate?

post about how people should treat disabled people maybe you should educate yourself on how disabled people use marijuana for medicine. I have a blind husband who has glaucoma and uses marijuana to keep the pressure down in his eyes. Using it keeps him from having to buy a $600 a month pharmaceutical that does the same thing. If he is not taxed for the pharmaceutical that keeps his pressure down, he should not be charged for using marijuana to keep his pressure down.

The all recognize that to make it available there has to be something in it for the people who don't need it for medical purposes. Making it taxable is one way to do it. Considering it's composition, it's wort noting that if you go to a store and buy some chamomile or other herbs, they are taxed.

tax free. Sick and disabled and economically poor people should not have to pay a tax on a medicine just so their friends who use it recreationally can use it legally. It should be legal for everybody. Those who want to use it recreationally should be able to do that. But I will never support the trade off that sick people have to pay taxes on medicine to make that happen. This is why I am not a democrat anymore. Democrats are too willing to bend over backwards to compromise with the republicans and with the corporations. And the fact that you compare medical marijuana to coffee and chamomile just shows you don't know anything about medical marijuana.

Last edited Sun Nov 3, 2013, 05:49 PM - Edit history (1)

So, you are correct there are details that I do not understand.
I can tell you that I do understand poverty. My meds are funded via disability drug coverage. But, I also have to buy vitamins that are taxed. If I was to avoid breaking bones and severe pain, I have to buy them + tax.
I think you are taking the republican fundamentalist no taxes ever position.
I am suggesting that from a policy perspective you can't have everything. There are liberal Democrats who support legalization based on the opportunity to tax it. It's pretty clear that this country is under taxed when we are having so many revenue problems. I'm happy to pay local taxes for schools, fixing sidewalks, bike lanes via sales tax... because it is for the greater good. A friend with a disability once pointed out that we may be the only population who is anxious to pay taxes.

He would not accept any other way so I treat all differently abled people just like everyone else and it is what I would want to be treated too if I were in a similar situation.

The interesting part of the story is this occurred all through the 60’s and 70’s, he passed in 82. He was way ahead of his time IMHO.

Contrary to it's presentation in movies and media, a wheelchair frees a person rather than binds them. It's an alternate transportation. But, since people go by how they think they would feel in that situation, it is perceived as negative rather than neutral. It's understandable, but I think it's worthwhile to let people know it's not a tragedy and that they aren't suffering when that is the case.

I'm glad that your relative was respected in your family. I assume people made an effort to make sure ramps were available etc.

I'm a little confused.

That being said try having a disability because of a mental illness. Sometimes you do things you would never do if your medication worked perfectly and then you get berated for it.

you can evaluate what is best by paying attention to body language. If they want help, many will ask verbally or by gesture.

I get it about medications. I have treatment resistant Epilepsy. People assume that I am just not taking my meds rather than entertain the possibility that it doesn't always work.

And I only say that because I myself try to avoid patronizing people.