what the heck is dumb?

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other
on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to
her, and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The
blonde is tired, and just wants to take a nap, so she
politely declines, and rolls over to the window to catch a
few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is
really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and,
if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa."

Again, she politely declines, and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that, since his opponent
is a blonde, he will easily win the match, so he makes
another offer:

"Okay, how about this: "If you don't know the answer, you
pay me only $5, but, if I don't know the answer, I will pay
you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention, and, figuring that
there will be no end to this torment unless she plays,
she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance
from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse,
pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out
his laptop computer and searches all his references. He
taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net
and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends
e-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to
no avail.

After over an hour of searching for the answer, he finally
gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get
back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the
blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse,
hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

That was the most awful pun I've ever encountered.

Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
—Dave Barry, American humorist, Why Humor is Funny

I love puns, but mine are usually situational...I can't remember them, but when Life hands me one on a silver platter....

but I'm going to steal it

Those who understand binary and those who do not.

"3" kinds of people would be funnier than "10." Maybe it's that "brevity is the soul of wit" thing.

... such as in "binary thinking." "Binary" when referring to numbering systems is only the #3 definition in my dictionary.

Bottom line, you didn't get the joke, so you didn't understand binary.

"Binary," in a political sense, nearly always refers to binary thinking, which is a hallmark of conservatives, who dumb-down the many shades of gray into black and white.

I know exactly what you mean about binary thinking amongst conservatives and fight that battle every day at work. However, that doesn't have anything to do with the joke.

Maybe you'll like this one better:

There are two type of people in the world:

Those able to make inferences from incomplete information.

... also comedy writing.

Fail.

10 is 2 in binary. 00, 01, 10.

"10" makes the statement accurate. Those who know binary will understand the joke, those that don't will not.

But if you look at the statement, it's not a joke. Certainly not funny. More of a geeky "look how clever I am" kind of play on words.

I'm not saying 10 is funny, but 3 is not funny or clever. I don't understand how it would work better.

If the joke was "3 kinds of people, those that can count and those that can't" it works, but not for binary.

And that has a tiny bit of humor - more than the original.

Why use a number at all?

You could say "There are whale bone types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't", but it just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Consider these two statements:

"There are 3 (three) types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't"
"There are 10 (ten) types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't"

... where all you need to get a laugh is to say "Kardashian," "Miley Cyrus," "Obamacare," ...

Now my head hurts

She steps up to the bar and coyly asks the good looking man working there for a strong drink and an innuendo, so the bartender gave it to her.

The Mechanical Engineer says, "Open the Hood, I'm sure something's broken"

The Electrical Engineer says, "I'm certain there's a short or a disconnected line somewhere"

The Fluid Engineer says, "We're probably out of gas or oil or something."

The Software Engineer says. "If we all get out of the car and then get back in again, that will probably do the trick."

The diphthong.

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.

"Occupation?"

"No, just here for a few days."

Very funny

smiling AND grinning over here

Schopenhauer simply stated that - to live is to want, to want is to suffer, so suffering is the essence of existence.

Sarah Palin stated that: to live is to shoot, to shoot is to refudiate, so refudiation is the essence of existence.

The bartender asks, "hey buddy, ya want a beer"

Rene Descartes replies, "I think not."

And vanishes.

I have some folks who will be reading these! Hahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............

"Donno"

A herring

"But a herring isn't Red!"

I painted it red

"But a herring doesn't hang on the wall!"

I hung it on the wall

"But a herring doesn't whistle!"

That was just to confuse you.

She says "Go to the store and get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get a dozen."



The husband returns with 12 gallons of milk.

An angel came down for a meeting of the American Philosophical Association. Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them. Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, “Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I’ll come back tomorrow.” And he left the philosophers to deliberate.

Some of the philosophers favored asking conjunctive questions, but others argued persuasively that the angel probably wouldn’t count this as a single question. One philosopher wanted to ask “What is the best question to ask?”, in the hope that some day another angel might make a similar offer, at which point they could then ask the best question. But this suggestion was rejected by those who feared that no such opportunity would arise and did not want to waste their only question.

Finally, the philosophers agreed on the following question: “What is the ordered pair whose first member is the best question to ask, and whose second member is the answer to that question?” Satisfied with their decision, the philosophers awaited the angel’s return the next day, whereupon they posed their question. And the angel replied: “It is the ordered pair whose first member is the question you just asked, and whose second member is the answer I am now giving.” And then he disappeared.

flew from his home in New Zealand to Australia. The Australian Customs Agent asked him "do you have a criminal record?"
My friend asked in reply, "Do you still need one?"

He claims that he still doesn't understand why he was sent for a body cavity search.
(True story!)

A Red Army soldier goes running through camp shouting "The political commissar is a moron!"

He's sentenced to 26 years in the gulag--one for insulting a superior, and 25 for revealing state secrets.

A tachyon enters a bar

A bunch of engineers are sitting around at a party, discussing the nature of the God, and who designed women.

The mechanical engineer states that God must also be a mechanical engineer because "if you look at all the pulleys and levers that drive the body, how the tendons and muscles and bones all work together, well, it's just amazing."

The chemical engineer says that no, God has to be a chemical engineer because "if you look at all the chemical processes that drive the body, how the hormones and the brain and the glands and everything else all interact, well, it's just astounding."

The electrical engineer says that no, God has to be an electrical engineer because "if you look at the circuitry of the body, how the thousands upon millions of nerve cells transmit signals from one part to another, well, it boggles the mind."

The civil engineer speaks up last of all and says, no, God is definitely a civil engineer, because "only a civil engineer would run a sewer through a playground. "

"And what comedian configured the region between our legs—an entertainment complex built around a sewage system?"

Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. He assigns the task to six Californians, thus reducing the problem to an earlier joke.

How many Zen monks does it take to change a light bulb?
When I first heard this joke, the answer given was two -- one to change the bulb and one not to change the bulb. IMO, however, the correct answer is four -- one to change the bulb, one not to change the bulb, one to both change and not-change the bulb, and one to neither change nor not-change the bulb.

when they come up on a foursome playing VERY slowly.

They flag down the course marshal and complain about the pace of play.

"Take it easy fellas" says the marshal. "Those are four firemen who saved our clubhouse from burning down last year. Unfortunately, they were all blinded by the flames so we let them play for free. Just have some patience, please."

Well, our 3-some is now feeling a bit embarrassed. The doctor says "That is horrible. You know, I have some friends at the state university who are doing groundbreaking work on sight restoration. I'll get them to check these guys and perhaps get them their sight back."

The Lawyer says "Oh my, that is just horrible. I'll get my friends on the state bar association to set up a fund to pay for any therapy they might need as well as education for their children."

The engineer says....


"Why can't they play at night?"

A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.