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Christie Unaware He Was the Governor - new scandal revealed by Andy Borowitz
TRENTON (The Borowitz Report)—At a hastily called press conference today, Chris Christie revealed that he only became aware that he was the governor of New Jersey in the past seventy-two hours.
“Unbeknownst to me, some people I thought I could trust were secretly working to elect me governor of this state,” a visibly stunned Christie told reporters. “I have acted swiftly and fired them all.”
While asserting that he had terminated all of the people who were involved in the scheme to elect him, he said that, if he finds additional conspirators, “I will deal with them accordingly.”
Christie struggled to explain how he remained in the dark about being governor, a position he has held since 2010: “I guess I’m just not much of a detail person. People think I’m a micromanager. I’m not. If a bunch of people are going behind my back and plotting to make me the governor, that’s not the kind of thing I pick up on.”
Reflecting on his reaction to the news that he is the governor of New Jersey, Christie said he felt “angry, embarrassed, and humiliated, but mainly just sad.”
“It’s sad that this was allowed to happen,” he said. “It’s a sad situation for me and for New Jersey.”
www.borowitzreport.com
9 replies
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There's a funny compilation of all the "I'm sad"s on Colbert.
Link:
http://www.salon.com/2014/01/10/must_see_morning_clip_stephen_colbert_rips_chris_christie_over_his_someone_else_a_culpa/
Also, I put this Christie humor thread together if you want to see some Stewart clips, etc.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018552980
Cher
"It’s my way or I shut down your highway.”
And, I run and hide when caught [font color=red]Red Handed.[/font]
Brilliant!...
"On Thursday’s “Colbert Report,” Colbert mock praised the New Jersey governor as “committed to proving the core conservative value that government is the problem — even if he has to create those problems himself.”
"Someone else's Mea Culpa".. lol. Christie gave Colbert Platinum!
Could there be a parallel Scandal dubbed "Sadgate"!?
SE Cupp.. where the hell did she go to school? The Chris Christie of 'splainin' things?
"Day 4 of presser".. "I am not a bully".. said in his most dulcet tones.
"Best of all..his team will make sure you have plenty of time to read those bumperstickers!"
NJCher
And, I run and hide when caught [font color=red]Red Handed.[/font]
Brilliant!...
"On Thursday’s “Colbert Report,” Colbert mock praised the New Jersey governor as “committed to proving the core conservative value that government is the problem — even if he has to create those problems himself.”
"Someone else's Mea Culpa".. lol. Christie gave Colbert Platinum!
Could there be a parallel Scandal dubbed "Sadgate"!?
SE Cupp.. where the hell did she go to school? The Chris Christie of 'splainin' things?
"Day 4 of presser".. "I am not a bully".. said in his most dulcet tones.
"Best of all..his team will make sure you have plenty of time to read those bumperstickers!"
NJCher
WTF was he doing as Governor if he weren't paying Attention to the "Busiest F****** Bridge in the World" for 4 months.. oh except that call to Cuomo about Pat Foye?
We got it, Christie..
Mahalo Mira
My Fellow Americans, Look At Me: Do I Look Like A Corrupt, Vengeful Bully?
Voters Shocked Christie Botched Such An Easy Political Cover-Up
rocktivity
"Really, anyone who has followed my career even the slightest bit over the years knows that the last thing I am is an overly ambitious and hypersensitive man with a penchant for antagonism and belligerence. I mean, it’s me we’re talking about here! Chris Christie! Not some ultra-competitive blowhard with deep-seated insecurities probably stemming from my own experiences being bullied as a child. That’s why this whole scandal is so silly. It’s like, everyone knows that’s pretty much the exact opposite of what I’m like."
Voters Shocked Christie Botched Such An Easy Political Cover-Up
Newark resident Carolyn Baum said...“I mean, this is a total softball. If he can’t even bully one little small-town mayor into submission by oppressing his constituents and get away with it, how can we reasonably believe he’s politically skilled enough to cover up national scandals like orchestrating a foreign war, illegally colluding with big business, or violating the civil liberties of millions of Americans? It’s a little scary, to be honest.”
rocktivity
