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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMan poses as woman on online dating site: barely survives 2 hours
"A Reddit user named OKCThrowaway22221 shared a pretty spectacular tale of his adventures in online dating while pretending to be a woman, and we need to talk about it.
Featured on the Reddit forum TwoXChromosomes, which is "related to gender, and intended for women's perspectives," OKCThrowaway22221's story is reminiscent of others in recent memory who have opted to dabble in fake profiles, to see what they come up with. This Reddit user, however, was convinced that us womenz is always lyin' 'bout how shitty we haz it on teh internetz, and wanted to prove that ladies have a way easier time finding a match than teh poor menz.
So, this happened:
Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that "girls have it easy on dating sites" etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn't use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn't really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen. So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn't a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn't even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that "girls have it easy"
HAHAHAHAHA said everyone woman ever who has tried online dating. Yes, it's super "easy," dude! If your idea of "easy" is somewhere along the lines of scaling Mount Kilimanjaro naked with a rhino strapped to your backa rhino who makes nonstop gross, unwanted sexual comments to you. Anyway, don't stop reading now and start posting angry comments about this guy and his misconceptions, because you need to see what happens next.
http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)I never used online dating so I don't know the first thing about it, but isn't there a way to block the unwanted creeps so that they can't see you anymore at all? Kinda like full ignore at DU?
redqueen
(115,103 posts)Just curious.
muriel_volestrangler
(101,361 posts)What's the answer?
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)In any online forum there are always undesirables.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)As has been pointed out by someone else more familiar with this apparently thoroughly sickening side of online 'dating' (more like trolling for NSA sex, it seems), the best method is not to attempt to block the avalanche of assholes, but to completely ignore all communication for a while.
Paints a pretty dire picture.
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)Which made me wonder why he didn't block them.
It's not clear from the article that the guy made any attempt to manage the incoming traffic. Hence my question: Did he not block because he wanted the full experience, or because he could not block the jerks?
My question was legitimate; I'm trying to understand the situation and get answers that are not contained in the article.
Recursion
(56,582 posts)Seriously. Read it again.
Multiple contacts a minute, every minute, every hour. For as long as you stay online.
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)Recursion
(56,582 posts)A cover charge at least keeps some of the riff raff out.
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)There's just too many creeps, and most of them sound reasonable at first.
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)Do you have a method to eliminate the creeps, or to make them less creepy?
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)go intobthe rooms and just watch, you will see what posters give you the eekss and who people avoid. then use ignore on them.
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)loli phabay
(5,580 posts)most sites have chat rooms for people looking for specific things, if you go into a room titled something like sexy submissives for masters then you can expect stuff like this. if the more out there stuff is not for you then stick to the lobby and more vanilla rooms.
Warpy
(111,339 posts)they delete every response they get for the first day to three days since there are pervs trolling for fresh meat and will jump on any new woman to demonstrate what macho perverts they are.
After they eliminate most of the pervs, they start reading and some of them have found nice guys that way.
However, no, there is no way to block the creeps beforehand and dating sites are notorious for not policing the bastards, themselves.
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)That's how he met his wife. They are happy with each other.
But neither him nor his spouse ever mentioned the creep factor so I didn't know.
Now I do.
Though it's a moot point, since I already met a fine lady through social networking IRL.
Recursion
(56,582 posts)No, if you're asking that, you really don't get how bad the problem is for women on dating sites.
Xipe Totec
(43,890 posts)And by the way, you can stuff the sarcasm.
phylny
(8,386 posts)of dicks. Flaccid or erect, didn't matter, just pictures of dicks. She was disgusted.
Skittles
(153,193 posts)it is really strange
dawg
(10,624 posts)Katashi_itto
(10,175 posts)Skittles
(153,193 posts)BRAGGING ABOUT HIS JUNK YET AGAIN; *EGREGIOUS*
dawg
(10,624 posts)Nevernose
(13,081 posts)Recursion
(56,582 posts)Common Sense Party
(14,139 posts)has girth.
Just sayin'.
stevenleser
(32,886 posts)No one who has even a miniscule amount of knowledge of women thinks sending out junk pics gets them anywhere. And they wont get any knowledge of women as long as they keep doing that.
Trajan
(19,089 posts)Damn I miss them on threads like this ...
Skittles
(153,193 posts)we're all a bunch of uptight Victorian-era morons if we disapprove of someone emailing pictures of their junk
cherokeeprogressive
(24,853 posts)Hey, I'm tryin' to keep it outta sight...
Dorian Gray
(13,499 posts)I've never had a male send me a picture of his penis. Not my husband, not anyone I was dating. Nobody. Nor would I want them to. Nor would they want to. It's a weird instinct.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)Skittles
(153,193 posts)I occasionally catch an episode of Sanford and Son on antenna TV and it's still hilarious - Aunt Esther is my favorite. I watched Steptoe and Son in England too, before I came back to America.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)wrapper"
.... NOT for the easily offended (not that there might be anyone like that here ) but for the filthy-minded, a pretty funny half hour or so.
Skittles
(153,193 posts)yes INDEED
Butterbean
(1,014 posts)has had this same thing happen to her. Penis pictures, penis pictures, penis pictures. Tons, unsolicited. It's absolutely disgusting out there, and I am so glad I don't have to deal with it. Gross. I always refer them to soulgeek.com or something, which seems a little less disgusting. I dunno.
3catwoman3
(24,041 posts)... he asked me if women were as interested in looking at penises as men were in looking at breasts. I wasn't exactly ready for that particular question (even though we did and still do talk about anything and everything), so all I could think of under pressure was, "Probably not."
"Function matters more than appearance," seemed a bit beyond his pay grade at age 12.
blackspade
(10,056 posts)Butterbean
(1,014 posts)Beacool
(30,251 posts)We are not like men. I would rather see a cute face, some abs or even buns in a nicely fit pair of pants. I don't need to see anyone's dick. It's actually a complete turn off.
Recursion
(56,582 posts)That's how exhibitionism works. Ugh.
Beacool
(30,251 posts)I avoid the whole thing by not going to dates sites.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)because there *IS* a difference in the general crowds they cater to...
But I'm not really surprised -- For sites with really skewed male-female ratios (and all the dating sites have generally unfavorable ratios, some can be pretty extreme) there's always a piranha-in-the-water feeding frenzy whenever a new profile pops up in the search results...
And despite his enlightening experience, I'm still not about to say online dating is easier for men than women...Just my two cents....
bullwinkle428
(20,630 posts)and subscription sites, and have to say that the tiny handful of even slightly negative interactions I've had online don't amount to a piss in the ocean when compared to the typical experience a woman will go through, and I have no doubt what is described in this article is sadly very typical.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)Every site I've been to (except for the rudimentary ones from the early years) has the option to block any/all e-mail, close your ad/photo to public view, etc...So women can very easily insulate themselves and only contact the men they want to, if they prefer...
I'm mildly curious to see the photo he used, along with knowing why he 'posted' his ad so early...Commenting that he got a shitload of messages before he even *finished* writing the ad raises some red flags for me...
JustAnotherGen
(31,879 posts)Of writing for the singletons - you ARE onto something.
There is a reason Plenty Of Fish is referred to by my female friends as Plenty Of Freaks.
1StrongBlackMan
(31,849 posts)I guess you can test the waters by creating your own gender-switched fake profile, adding the picture of your choice, and see for yourself how effective the blocks and insulation is.
hfojvt
(37,573 posts)that is, not even once did I have a woman contact me at an online dating site. I didn't send messages to very many, because there just were not that many possibles. I would get a few replies and exchange some messages, but never got past the "send me a picture" mountain.
What the writer describes certainly sucks, and I'd probably really be creeped out if I had a picture up there and thought about all those guys knowing what I look like and other things about me.
But I still think it is better to be "in demand" than to be unwanted.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)worst is when people dont read your profile and dont see your parameters, it wastes their time and yours when they are outside of what you are looking for.
Xithras
(16,191 posts)OKCupid, Tinder, CL, PoF...the freebie sites like these tend to attract a particularly nasty breed of single males. One of the advantages of pay sites is that the need to spend money DOES tend to filter out a lot of the worst offenders. There's creepy losers everywhere, but most people who spend money to find dates are at least somewhat serious about it.
One of my sisters tried a couple of the free sites and pretty much had the same experience as the author of the article in the OP. There may be decent guys on some of those sites, but they're almost impossible to find in the crowd of losers. She ended up meeting my brother-in-law on Match after ponying up the money for a membership.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)OKCupid, CL and PoF have been trolling/spammer conventions for years...And I've been on all three of those at one time or another...
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)good feedback. this gets rid of a lot of the spam.
BainsBane
(53,066 posts)Is that the profile didn't receive enough pictures.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)seaglass
(8,173 posts)there is a connection to FB so she could see people that were linked to people she knew. She saw a few guys on it that she already knew, one who she knew had a gf - at least in the beginning I think it was a fun thing and an ego thing. She went on a couple dates with one of the guys she met but he ended up being a player and that was the end of that.
Oh now I remember one guy asked her where the best dumpster was to bury a body. So yes, there were some creeps.
Xithras
(16,191 posts)My daughter is an attractive and athletic size zero who rock climbs and mountain bikes for fun. She apparently jumped on Tinder last month and made the mistake of posting a photo of herself taken on the beach last summer...shorts and a bikini top. Now, my daughter is a smart girl (she's a biochemistry/premed major at UC), but that apparently wasn't a bright move. She was immediately inundated by so many pervy, vicious, and demented messages that she gave up on trying to clear them out and just deleted the app. When I made a comment about the bikini being a mistake, her friend jumped in and made the comment "No, you can post a photo of yourself wearing a burkha on Tinder, and you'll just end up with an inbox full of messages from guys wanting to screw your eyeballs."
I've never used it myself, but it didn't sound like a pleasant place to find a date.
Besides...it's basically a glorified HotOrNot. Those types of services have never exactly been a bastion of respectful commentary on the opposite sex.
seaglass
(8,173 posts)mutually decided you were interested. I'm pretty sure my daughter only had a head shot and because her FB is private they couldn't access any other pics.
It was just a novelty thing that we did together for a short time and yes I would say HotorNot sounds about right.
riqster
(13,986 posts)"Kneel, bitch ". No, I'm not shitting you.
And yes, I said "men". Plural. Meaning she got that from more than one guy online.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)riqster
(13,986 posts)And when our friend told us that, I wanted to puke.
Nay
(12,051 posts)AgingAmerican
(12,958 posts)...but I never got dates from dating services or in bars. I always met my girlfriends at the bus stop, or at a friends house, or at the park or something.
MattBaggins
(7,904 posts)loli phabay
(5,580 posts)sites, people have learned that its better to be brutally frank in the first statement than waste hours chatting to find you are not compatible. same as your profile should be as honest as you can make it, your wants etc ie hwp, disease free, drug free, employed, insert kink. etc etc.
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)An observation that lends insight into the observer.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)for fellow dysfunctional weirdos.
nice crowd
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)brevity is your friend. its like speed dating, getting the basics done as quick as possible. just because its not your thing does not make someone elses sexual preferences weird.
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)go around telling random strangers to "kneel bitch"
Say it in person, whatever.
Type it to dozens of strangers as a greeting? dysfunctional weirdos who clearly have more issues than a doctor's waiting room.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)No doubt the poster makes rather creative and imaginative allegations for what "kneel b***h" *really* means. But, I've seen apologetics for worse, so the allegation and creative interpretation comes as no real surprise.
BainsBane
(53,066 posts)Last edited Wed Jan 15, 2014, 05:09 AM - Edit history (1)
seaglass
(8,173 posts)asl
What stupid people say on chats to learn who you are and where you live so they can come to your house with a chainsaw and kill you
asl
ASL or asl; Abbreviation for Age, Sex, and Location. Used in computer chat as a question to gain basic personal information. Usually frowned upon as an impersonal and annoying introduction.
ASL
Age, sex, and location. Usually in the form of a question.
Asking for a chatter's ASL lets you know a little about the person you are talking to. However, it is looked down upon by many, who feel that the term is associated with losers who spend all of their time on the internet.
We don't ask for ASLs here- it's an internet cliché.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)If that was said on a dating site for subs/doms, but I'm guessing this was said on a regular dating site. And if so, then hell yes that message was sexist as all fuck, not to mention intimidating and violent. Now it might just be my opinion, but when someone asks complete strangers that on a normal, plain dating site, they're not looking for a sub for a relationship of any kind, they just want to threaten and harass women. Not judging the BDSM subculture, but that particular message was just wrong.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)not just confined to the speciality sites.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)serve only part of the public. But let's be honest here, whoever sent the "kneel bitch" message just wanted to troll someone.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)or it could have been a legitimate first post, again depending where on a site one is.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)I'm not doubting her story at all, but that sounds more like a single on-line stalker. I too have friends who do on-line dating and all their experiences sound pretty much like this. They occasionally find normal guys to go out with, but they have to go through a lot of weirdos, and d*ck pix , first.
leftyohiolib
(5,917 posts)bullwinkle428
(20,630 posts)justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)leftyohiolib
(5,917 posts)temporary311
(955 posts)Kelvin Mace
(17,469 posts)especially for women. It is humanity at its worst.
iandhr
(6,852 posts)I am hidden amongst a buch of *******
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)dipsydoodle
(42,239 posts)all of which involved beautiful girls from Senegal all of whom were men...........wanting money.
uriel1972
(4,261 posts)And to cut a long story short, went to Russia only to be ransomed for money. Twice. I kid you not . I would have thought he would have learned the first time, but oh no.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)even in the interests of experiments or social commentary....It's bad enough trying to sift through all the spam and shit...
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)arcane1
(38,613 posts)Most of which were either spammers, or men pretending to be women interested in men. Half of those were doing it for the joy of tricking people, the other half doing it for thrills.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)its a waste of everyones time and annoying as hell
AgingAmerican
(12,958 posts)'She' was from Ghana. The picture 'she' put up was quite beautiful. He was sending her money and phone cards and stuff. I suggested to him that it might be a scam, I had read of such scams being run in Ghana. He said, "She isn't like that, she would never do that". He even started calling 'her' his girlfriend.
One day he was looking at other women from Ghana, and noticed a different girl that was wearing the exact same jewelry and was taken in the same room as his 'girlfriend's profile picture. He called her up and asked 'her' about it. 'Her' voice changed from sweet to deep and frantic and began yelling in severely broken English. She was a he.
I still give him crap about it. That was about 2010 or so.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)I quadrupled my response rate on OKC when I started opening with sarcastic slightly insulting or weird remarks vs straight laced genuine openers.
Online dating is an absolute slaughterhouse for guys and you've got to stand out.
As a general rule it's always better to be perceived as a cocky asshole than a 'nice' guy (aka a guy with options vs a doormat).
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)CFLDem
(2,083 posts)Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Ok well fame is followed closely by money, anyone can have confidence.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)really saves time.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)(or to use the examples as described, aggressive and vulgar) messages as being acceptable treatment.
And those tend to be women from dysfunctional backgrounds.
What a blessing for men who don't want to 'waste time' getting to know women.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)If one door won't open, no sweat off my brow. I'll just keep on knocking until i find one that does.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)Not quirky ones. Not ones using odd humor.
Aggressive ones.
Vulgar ones.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)What do people expect?
Chivalry?
redqueen
(115,103 posts)This has been revealing.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)redqueen
(115,103 posts)I hope someone else notices. Otherwise this exchange will be even more nauseating than it already is.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)Please point to the 'ground breaking' nausea that we are supposedly experiencing.
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)"just wear your hate of women openly--eventually you'll draw a potential victim"
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)That's the nature of predators - they go for the slow, weak one.
Shandris
(3,447 posts)...if it -didn't- work at least a decent amount, do you think so many men would use it as their introduction?
Every time it does work, validation is given to the method. That's...pretty damn horrifying to think about.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)straight off. And some poor woman who's been hurt more than her share, somehow sees it as a twisted form of caring, or at the least, simply "the ways things are."
Shandris
(3,447 posts)...things are, though.
It's easy to get our signals mixed up on what caring means (and its something that can happen at a VERY young age), and how our mind translates interest and arousal. Saying that a woman responds to that because that's just the way it is implies that we're not capable of doing otherwise, and while there are all kinds of people out there including the terminally broken, I don't see that being -common-, even on a site like Plenty of F***heads. Certainly not common enough to be the best explanation. But twisted form of caring? Definitely. That...I can see.
Nauseating, and sad, and true. So glad I'm beyond the dating thing.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)So many are maintain the pretense of being offended when the word "creep" is mentioned, yet so many accurately exemplify it without even realizing it.
'Creep' is a topical word... as this thread is illustrating.
Sheldon Cooper
(3,724 posts)BainsBane
(53,066 posts)there is no sexism on DU?
I would call it more confirming than revealing.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)Apparently if you're a male dom (goddess I love what tumblr feminists have to say about them), you can just be openly misogynist and that's ok!
I guess there's a slim chance the woman you are bothering might appreciative such treatment, so best to just say that to every woman first thing. Saves them from 'wasting time' talking to women as if they were people.
seaglass
(8,173 posts)Disgusting creeps.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)BainsBane
(53,066 posts)That's a poser move. People who don't see women as people don't like to waste time talking to women as people.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)Revanchist
(1,375 posts)You want someone who's attracted to you because you're acting like an asshole?
I'd rather be polite and respectful and not get a response if that's the alternative.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)tkmorris
(11,138 posts)Fucking hell dude, the internet isn't a built-in excuse to be an absolute prick to women on dating sites. What makes you think that's acceptable? Like ever?
BainsBane
(53,066 posts)As this thread demonstrates.
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)Considering it a game is a major reason why many people aren't very good at it.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)especially at my age, is a major liability on two fronts:
1) Being too serious makes it hard to give off a fun and interesting vibe. People in general like to date fun people.
Also being too serious, especially during the first date or conversation, can easily come off as a red flag and repel dates.
2) taking dating too seriously makes it harder to recover after the date leads no where.
This disappointment promotes the problems in point one which can lead a vicious self-defeating cycle of depression about failed dates because dating is being taken too seriously.
Much, much, better not to invest a lot up front so that losses don't weigh you down from enjoying the adventure that is dating.
kwassa
(23,340 posts)Sounds like an endless run of superficiality, in my thinking.
Ultimately unsatisfying to everyone.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)Dating is about having fun and exploring other people's minds and bodies.
Relationships are for seriousness.
shaayecanaan
(6,068 posts)its a low-investment, high-repetition strategy. 99 times out of 100 you'll whiff, but occasionally you'll get the low-hanging fruit before someone else does.
The men who tend to engage in that sort of strategy tend to have fairly dysfunctional backgrounds as well. They will not further their chances by trying to get to know any given girl, because the more they get to know them the more they will be revealed as fairly poor prospects.
Note that the picture he used was of a fairly average, plain Jane girl. This is pivotal. Most of these sorts of forays are made against girls that are considered attainable. Ironically, this is why a glamourpuss can sit in a pub and not be hit on all night, most of the guys will just assume that she is just too much hard work.
bullwinkle428
(20,630 posts)first night I posted, I began receiving very nice, sweet, sincere messages of interest from women on the site that were looking to meet guys. I ended up going on plenty of dates, and met lots of nice women. They all stated that my profile stood out, and that's what initially drew them to me. You really just have to be willing to share yourself, show a little self-confidence along with the ability to be self-deprecating, and show some kind of sense of humor as well. Posted a few pictures of myself, and of course, that's always in the eye of the beholder, but I guess there was enough there to pique interest.
I don't believe that "PUA" mentality that you have to be rude and insulting to draw a woman's attention.
Lunacee_2013
(529 posts)I hate the whole "cocky" routine, and so do my friends and sisters. There's nothing wrong with being confident, in fact that is quite attractive, but being an a-hole just seems a little too immature for the adult dating world. And why are the only two choices either weak, wimpy mama's boy, or bullying asshole? That just seems unfair towards men. And to be completely honest, I've always gone for the quite, smart, wall-flower types instead of the loud, aggressive, leader of the football team types.
Recursion
(56,582 posts)It's bad enough when guys are like that because they're assholes and don't know any better. Doing it as a deliberate strategy is worse.
tkmorris
(11,138 posts)My experience says no, but to each their own I guess.
Recursion
(56,582 posts)And, in general, PUA advice doesn't work as well as people say it does.
mopinko
(70,208 posts)really, a paralell universe
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)only they often have more awful experiences in it - some, if not many of those experiences caused by the way the world is put together, and some caused by individual men. If women lived in a parallel universe, men couldn't do anything to make the world better for women - but they can.
mopinko
(70,208 posts)but it will not ever be the same.
KitSileya
(4,035 posts)That's an idea that gives men the option of distancing themselves from what women experience every day, and as such, it is harmful to the goal of getting rid of sexism. Yes, women have different experiences than men, bu that doesn't mean that our experiences aren't inextricably linked, and that men aren't intrinsic to many of those experiences. How men behave is exactly what shapes many of the experiences women have - and a lot of them are negative (see: street harassment, The Everyday Sexism project, statistics on rape in every country and so on.)
Tl;dr: Presenting what women experience as detached from men - a different world, a parallel universe - makes it easier for men to throw their hands up and continue living in the belief that they have no impact on women's lives. And that hurts women, and sometimes, it kills them.
mopinko
(70,208 posts)he started it with me.
life on earth is not and never will be the same for men and women. that's my considered and lived opinion. ymmv.
Bonobo
(29,257 posts)Why does the article have to use the phrase "teh menz"?
Cali_Democrat
(30,439 posts)1StrongBlackMan
(31,849 posts)on-line dating sites can be disgusting. There is no way that I would use one ... it wouldn't matter how much the site cost ... rich men can be creeps, too.
Nope! Give me the old fashioned friend of a friend intro ... It has to be less creepy and far safer.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)1StrongBlackMan
(31,849 posts)who is going to hook their friend up with a creep, knowing that they will see their friend again.
CFLDem
(2,083 posts)That plus it gains instant social approval with your date, which is one of the hardest things to earn.
yuiyoshida
(41,861 posts)While working on upping some of my power points, and gathering coins for the next round of purchasing Rune stones.. a message pops up. Now, granted I have not even tried to make any friends here. Mostly been ignored for the most part... I even tried sending a message to one person in the game, and received nothing but stone cold silence, so...seeing a message pop made me curious...and so I clicked on it.
"HELLO, YOU WANTA FUCK?"
Huh? Someone I don't even know, or who has never seen me, asks this question. Thoughts ran though my mind... Maybe its just some stupid teenager, trying to goad me, or was it really some troll out looking for fun. It occurred to me I really had no way to report this, or to block this individual from sending me further messages. I mean, it was totally annoying to know, that if this person wanted to, they could harass me enough to consider leaving the game.
I thought of a billion replies I could send back, but that would only inflame the situation, so I simply erased it. I figured maybe if I didn't respond he (or she?) would go away. I have since not received any more nasty messages. But, I won't soon forget how I felt, thinking I have received a message from someone enjoying the game like I was and just wanted to reach out.
No such luck I guess.
Skittles
(153,193 posts)a guy in a pickup truck pulled up, rolled down his window and shouted at me, "YOU WANNA FUCK?" I ignored him but a guy who came out of the store behind me - a HUGE GUY - went over to the truck, opened the door, dragged the guy out, shut the door and put him up against truck, holding him so his feet were OFF THE GROUND. He shouted loudly at the perv, "I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TALKING LIKE THAT TO MY WIFE OR DAUGHTER." He shook him around a bit before he let him go. The guy got into his truck and quickly left. I have always wondered if he thought twice before propositioning a woman like that again.
yuiyoshida
(41,861 posts)I guess chivalry is not dead.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)Shit on people's boundaries, get fucked with yourself. Sounds reasonable enough.
3catwoman3
(24,041 posts)...to pay to see that.
cherokeeprogressive
(24,853 posts)Skittles
(153,193 posts)YES INDEED
cherokeeprogressive
(24,853 posts)Skittles
(153,193 posts)temporary311
(955 posts)I've played female toons in a few online games, and while I've been hit on out of the blue before, never had anything that aggressive. I think I would be pretty skeeved out, and I would probably report it (depending on how hard it is to report harassment in the game in question) and put the person on ignore. Replying to it would probably be the worst thing to do.
A Little Weird
(1,754 posts)So now if I start playing a new game, I always choose a male avatar and a gender-neutral name. It seems to help.
yuiyoshida
(41,861 posts)Off hand, I would say... that's a bit difficult.
A Little Weird
(1,754 posts)Only works if the avatar is gender neutral too. I think it's easier in some games than others.
alarimer
(16,245 posts)Especially since I've gotten older. It's pretty much a big fat zilch.
I think, on the whole, I should be grateful for being ignored.
I never experienced what this person went through. Yes, there were some creeps, not enough to ruin the experience. There were some out and out liars, but most people were okay.
But that's just my experience.
Lint Head
(15,064 posts)strictly platonic
women seek women
women seeking men
men seeking women
men seeking men
misc romance
casual encounters
missed connections
rants and raves
It's loaded with people who are looking for a hook up or a relationship. I could just imagine the emails, texts and replies they get.
It's a lesson in how pathetic human beings can be and how low they can go when it comes to sex and relations with others.. Putting women, men and homosexuals down is common. Some of the photos they include are definitely pornographic and when there are no photos it's like reading a porn dime novel. Yes I've looked there because I was curious. On CL these photos can be viewed by anyone who clicks on them without be asked if they are "of age".
My point is that there are a lot of people who are lonely, just sexually hyper or prostituting in this world and they don't care who knows it.
The internet has it's cesspools but CL demonstrates the commonality.
I'm not surprised this guy received the responses he did.
Vashta Nerada
(3,922 posts)And your post is misleading. You say "On CL these photos can be viewed by anyone who clicks on them without be asked if they are "of age." Yes, but before you click on one of those links, this shows up:
are at least 18 years old.
understand "casual encounters" may include adult content.
will flag as "prohibited" violations of the law or terms of use.
release craigslist from liability related to your use of this site.
So, I don't understand what you're implying.
Lint Head
(15,064 posts)One can click on a link and not even be able to read above a fourth grade level.
Vashta Nerada
(3,922 posts)You said something about a fourth grade reading level?
Lint Head
(15,064 posts)Reading at a fourth grade level means "Reading at a fourth grade level".
I will ignore you so please don't bother replying.
Beacool
(30,251 posts)I don't see the point. Go out and meet people, join a gym, join a club, practice a sport, etc.
I may be wrong, but if these guys are such good catches, why haven't they already met a woman the traditional way?
I want to look at someone in the face and gage who they really are, not the B.S. that guys tell girls.
blackspade
(10,056 posts)Well, because they are.
And fucking immature as well.
No one likes to be approached in such a disrespectful manner.
I'm so glad I've been married for the last 20 years or so; dating would totally suck.
MadrasT
(7,237 posts)I made an ad once like 15 years ago, just to see if I'd get the dick pictures and ridiculous propositions everybody said I'd get... and sure enough, they arrived right on schedule.
Tried again about 3 years ago. Same damn thing.
What the fuck are people thinking when they send pictures of their penises to women they don't know?
Has that EVER worked (outside of a fetish/kink site) to impress (and presumably snag) a woman?
EVER?
"Oh, look at that lovely disembodied penis. He will be mine." <== said no woman, ever. OK maybe some woman said it somewhere, once. But seriously, WTF?
arthritisR_US
(7,291 posts)Recursion
(56,582 posts)Though in a weird way; I went on a date with a friend of hers. We didn't click but she rightly figured out my wife and I would really hit it off. And here we are.
arthritisR_US
(7,291 posts)mzteris
(16,232 posts)Forget the dating sites. It's dating. It's marriage. It's walking down the damn street minding your own damn business.
I. Am. So. Done.
arthritisR_US
(7,291 posts)Haven't yet determined if that rest will be ad infinitum
dawg
(10,624 posts)A relationship has the potential to be such a fulfilling thing. But so many people only see their potential partners as "things" to be used. We have become a self-centered society, and it is killing us from within.
grahamhgreen
(15,741 posts)unc70
(6,119 posts)Last edited Wed Jan 15, 2014, 05:30 AM - Edit history (1)
OKC allows instant messaging (IM) which sounds like where a lot of his trouble began. (Though certainly not all of it.) Second, the OKC account settings can filter out much of the "junk". Allow contact only from those who have posted a picture, who have answered some minimum number of questions and who have been members for at least a dew weeks.
I'm an older guy who has dated using several sites. OKC is an edgier site than some, how much varies by geography and age groups. It also has fairly large subgroups of polyamory and open relationships, some BDSM and fetish.
None of that excuses the kind of behavior experienced by many women on OKC. OKC is now owned by the same group that owns Match.com and Chemistry.com. Chemistry is the most restricted and structured; it doesn't have a search type feature.
Women have a lot more problems on all these types of sites than do men, and the types of abuses vary. Mostly what I encounter are the scam artists (half my age, looking for generous older men, ...), but see a surprising number of crotch shots, light bondage, lingerie, full nudity, etc. Thus supposedly among the 50+ group. More so in OKC, but 50 Shades brought out a bunch of D/s even on Match.
MissMillie
(38,578 posts)Most of the guys I've met out at clubs and given my number to haven't behaved that differently. When the phone call comes, I don't get more than 10 minutes into a conversation and then it turns sexual (not by my initiation).
"So, you like sex, don't ya?"
"What's your favorite position?"
"Do you give head?"
One of the guys had a 24 year-old daughter. I asked him what he would tell her if she told him that she met a guy and 10 minutes into talking w/ him on the phone that guy started getting sexual w/ her.
He said he would advise her to dump him.
Go figure.
redqueen
(115,103 posts)That's intentionally dishonest PR. As is obvious to even the most casual observer, these men aren't interested in "wasting time" getting to know women so they can have any kind of relationship with them.
Orrex
(63,224 posts)historylovr
(1,557 posts)marle35
(172 posts)Would he have gotten fewer aggressive responses had he chosen the "long term" dating option on his profile rather than both "long term" and "short term"?