OMFG DOGWALD!

If there’s one thing you can’t argue with, it’s science. Science is true and truth is certain. All intelligent life knows this. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be intelligent. And even better than just plain science, and especially better than old science, is new science. New stuff is always better than old stuff. That’s what progress is. You can’t argue with that. I’d quote Ezra Pound’s modernist dictum “Make it new” here, but that shit is old news and it ain’t fuckin science. Guy was a raging fascist too, and I don’t quote raging fascists. But I’ll tell you what’s not old and isn’t not science, and that is the New Scientist. Look at that fucking name. It’s all right there.

I suppose you’re all wondering how this relates to Dogwald, aka Glenn Greenwald, the intergalactic weredog from the Sirius system who has come to earth specifically for the purpose of destroying the American Empire. Well check out this shit from the New Scientist that I’m about to post. Then try and tell me that humankind isn’t actually descended from weredogs. This is not a fucking joke. Sirius is serious business and weredogs hate America, Freedom, Moms and Cats. Do you hate America, Freedom, Moms and Cats? Well if you don’t see the significance of this NEW SCIENTIST link I’m about to post, then yes, you do. Don’t argue. You can’t. The presence or absence of rationality in humanity is what distinguishes the gods from the dogs among us.

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Oh and hey, by the way, I’ll tell you what else you wouldn’t want to be responsible fore: the destruction of America, Freedom, Moms and Cats. It’s time to start taking infiltrators from Sirius seriously. If you don’t know how to go about doing that I suggest doing independent research on the internet. Maybe check infowars.com or disinfo.com or some shit like that. Something with “info” in the name, so you know it’s informative. Find what puzzle pieces you can and put em together into a big picture. Or don’t. Destroy Freedom, if that is your thing. But if you do decide to climb down into the rabbit hole and through the looking glass in the rabbits’ bathroom into the terrifying truth of antiAmerican intergalactic weredog infiltration make sure you put a condom over your brain because this shit will fuck your head. And remember, you can’t argue with science and olds ain’t news. It would be an understatement for me to say that this is the most important challenge that America and Free humanity have ever faced and should we shrink from it we risk catastrophe on a global scale, mass head explosions and pant-shitting, and the subjugation of humanity by the damn dirty crapeating weredogs whom Dogwald so loyally serves like the dog that he is. The time is now. True war is upon us.