Almost two years later, she's still here -- and she's wonderful. She found a job two weeks after moving in with us, and she got her GED, and now has one more term to go on her Associates degree.

At first, I kept wondering what was wrong with her that I couldn't see. How could someone treat their perfectly good daughter that way? But eventually I realized that her adoptive parents just didn't deserve her. And she deserved a life.

My oldest brothers best friend was thrown out of his home. They were in High School. My parents said he could stay with us, but he had to stay in school. He lived with us until he graduated. My parents adored him. I don't know what happened between him and his parents, but mine were willing to look beyond it as long as he did the right thing.

Her mother was disabled with MS and her father was an alcoholic who couldn't cope.

She's still like a sister to all of us.

I think that made it easier for me to decide that it was my turn to take someone in -- thank goodness my husband and I were on the same page.

When you see it growing up, it's just a normal thing to do.

it can be a positive thing for everyone involved.

Then we found out he was hiding the fact that his parents said he could come home like, two months in.

that her daughter wasn't planning to come back.

But it wouldn't matter to us. We had no reason to think -- no matter what promises the mother might have made -- that the home situation would change for the better.

Nine months later, we finally met someone from the extended family, who confirmed the worst details. She hadn't felt that she was in a position to do anything, so she just waited to be asked for help. But at that point the young woman didn't really trust any adult in the extended family, for good reason.

She has a home with us now for as long as she wants.

she wasn't the helpless victim of her circumstances. She could make a positive choice.

Up till then, her history was like something out of Dickens.

Both were/are great. It's been 12 years and 14 years since they came to live with me and they still visit regularly. One still has a key to the house.

I started this OP because I would never, ever, kick a kid out of the house. And an 18 year old is a kid.

Kids at that age are still so vulnerable and so need their parent's love no matter how wealthy and privileged they are. The just do. And they may act up and they might be assholes but you just do not kick them out of the house.

And the girl in the OP sounds like someone everyone at school loves -- and the parents of her best friend, too. It seems very likely that the real problem is her parents.

My niece stays with me when she has had it with her parents. She appreciates sleeping through the night without hearing her parents argue. But one Thing I have noticed is that when the kids stay with me, nephews and nieces and even friends, they are all on good behavior even after a month. They know I don't have to be good to them, I am not responsible for them. They are here on invitation. At home, they never pick stuff up, here they are spotlessly neat. Now, these are kids with parents that love them in their own way, so they are here with the parents permission and not snapped off the street.

...when I read her dad was a cop I suddenly had a different take on it.

Esp. their refusal to pay for her senior year in High School.

Control freaks make bad parents.... only side thus far is her parents - I must admit that I am quite curious.

High school girls are born to obey.

Just what the hell kind of name is that?

How do you say that? Jame? Jayeyemee?

Himey? No, there's no H in Jaime. He doesn't look Jewish neither. He looks like some kind of Mexican.

Dr Phil in a leather blazer before full caffeination just ain't right.

You'd be a prick for doing it, but the law would be on your side.

Apparently it is OK because the family is wealthy.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4598682

high school education, free up her current college fund, but I think that it is a stretch for her to force the parents to pay all of her college expenses. Technically she is of legal age and maybe a little time in the real world that a lot of other kids her age face when dealing with paying for college might be a good thing for her. There are a lot of kids her age that don't have the education served to them on a silver platter and they have to apply for scholarships, get a job, and so on. Too many kids grow up with a sense of entitlement these days.

I am not going to automatically assume that the parent are the bad guys. There are two sides to every story and let's wait and see what comes out in court. But, she is of legal age, and if it is proven that she did voluntarily move out I see that she has much of a case. She most likely has a case of immaturity. Heck all she had to do, if she did not like her parent's rules, was bite her tongue until she graduates from high school and select a college far enough away to live on campus.

It's somewhat disturbing.

Her parents deserve to keep their money and she should just transfer to a public high school midway through her last term of senior year.

Seems like everything I do or believe is wrong.

is always the best way...even if you've been around a thousand years. You learn so much that way.

I had a roommate who moved his son in the son's senior year of highschool. Dad had a job that kept him out of state most of the time. The son definitely had some major psychiatric problems, was disfunctional and was highly irresponsible. Before all was said and done, the son ended up in prison (pure stupidness and irresponsibility got him there), tried to commit suicide at least twice (once in prison), got out on probation and was headed to legal problems again because he was writing hot checks. I can't even tell you how many times I tried to talk to his Dad that his son needed serious psychiatric counseling (and evidentally the 2 suicide attempts did not pound the message into the Dad's head). It was a disaster waiting to happen and there was nothing I could do about it but move out. Within 3 weeks, the boy killed himself over a girl (who was nothing but trouble) who had broken up with him. The Dad took it pretty bad but I didn't feel the least amount of guilt or sadness. I had tried to tell my friend what was going on and where things were headed and he chose not to listen.

I went away to college and came home after my freshman year. I was used to partying all hours and having fun. My parents were not happy and wanted me to follow their rules. I decided I wanted to live my life, so I signed 12 month leases thereafter and stayed in my college town during summers. No ill feelings and I paid my own, as it was my decision to not follow their rules. A few years later, they told me they would be up all night worrying about me when I wasn't home until 3 or 4, making it difficult for them to get rest for their job. In short, it was disrupting much more than just their ego as control freak parents. It was easier for them when I had my own place, because they didn't know if I was out or not (out of sight, out of mind, to an extent). As a parent now, I can understand what they shared.

What I find interesting is the people who basically say it is expected for an 18 year old to be a shithead and, therefore, we need to just let them be shitheads.

people are allowed to do to children in this country - parents, teachers, even clergy get away with a lot of nonsense (and violence etc)

It is ridiculous that hitting another adult is "battery" while hitting children is "punishment".

It's something else ...

He took out more than one windshield when my sister was dating in high school.

I am beginning to believe your OP was insincere.

Particularly one double date she went on where, when the guys were giving her a ride home after dropping her friend off, they started talking about taking her up to the canal and killing her then throwing her body in the water. She jumped out of the car at a red light and ran and called my dad, who went and picked her up. After dropping her off and finding out whose car she ran away from, went to the guys house and beat the fuck out of him then destroyed the guys VW with his louisville slugger.

Empowering indeed

You feel sorry for the dude?

You are one sick person.

Fortunately for her, unlike you, my dad loved and protected his daughter.

This is how I empowered my daughter:

http://www.rad-systems.com

Blamed her then tossed her out.

Have a nice life.

I came out. I was pretty much trash to be thrown away because I was different. The family finally got over it, but I will never forget being kicked to the curb because I am a truthful homosexual, that doesn't back down.

even express and I have taken in two to live with me. One who was rejected, at age 14, because he came out to his mom.

I worked with her to come to reconciliation and it took a few years but it happened. She calls me his San Francisco Mom.

my father did not approve of my girlfriend or my choice of college major. So, I moved away, was cut off, and paid for my own degree with pell grants and working minimum wage jobs. I did not speak with my parents at all for a couple of years. I am pretty sure my father thought I would fail and return home, I never did. We eventually reconciled, but it was on my terms.

esp. with the mention of the boyfriend. This isn't uncommon. Parents don't like the boyfriend, and try to FORCE their kid to break up with him by whatever means necessary.

And will ruin their kid's life even. No high school degree, no college, no home. That's their plan if she doesn't do what they say.

I've never known anyone like this. My "troubled" friends were the ones that dropped out of college. My "poor" friend was the one that lived at home for much of his college years. Heck, I even have one friend with a brother that never made it on his own. He lives with his parents today and he's in his 50s.

All that to say, I've always considered it a possibility. That's why our kids college savings is under our control and not in an UGMA/UTMA.

I'm glad someone else read that thread the way I did.

I swear being a parent for some people is just an exercise in having something they can control.

Now all I can hear is Eric Cartman's voice in my head ...

but refused to take them. If there is truth to this, that could be the real source of the issues.

The school's comments seem limited to the fact that they wish to be paid for the contract
for the tuition.

I raised a son with bipolar, and the school and I were always seeing opposite sides of his behaviors,
which the education professionals said was a typical pattern, where the student is able to hold
it together part of the day on one front, but has to let it blow on the other one. Either he was having a terrible time
at home and making life hell for everyone, and was a peach at school, or vice versa, depending
upon which 6 week period we were in; he kept changing.

Could be this young woman, if she does have a neurological condition, is able to hold it together
at school, but blows up at home.

We have no idea at this point. People are taking sides on an issue with only basic-headlines type of info

Interesting case, whatever the facts turn out to be.

Always interesting when they don't coincide.