One person is often left alone with that heavy responsibility while the rest of their siblings do little or nothing to help, regardless of their proximity.

In this case where an infection was suspected, letting it go a day or two could have had sever health consequences or even death. Then would you say "they should've prescribed an antibiotic in case of infection while they checked it out"?

I had that happen to me. Luckily, I had the support and appreciation of my siblings, but not a lot of help.

We had my MIL here for four months with no help from anyone. We had to work through a whole lot of issues involving dementia and trying meds, and all kinds of stuff.

She was finally put into a hospice program (they came to our home) after four months, and she died here six weeks later. It was only after she was placed into hospice that the rest of the family started coming by every single day.

Because Mom was here and we were her caretakers, nobody questioned our right to try different meds, or whatever.

It wasn't easy, as short a time as it was she was here.

My opinion is, if the relative isn't in one's home, back off and let the caretakers have final say.

all kinds of second guessing from people who didn't step up. Primary care is spread between 2+ siblings and a spouse but the spouse is primary so pretty good support network and i am grateful. I'm 800 miles away and trying to figure out how to be more helpful in backing up primary care.

I think my issue today is more around feeling unsettled about my cynicism with pharma and the quality and modes of health care. It scares me that the medical profession seems to be over-medicating and taking risks on side effects that IMHO just aren't worth it for the patient.

I definitely agree with you on that!

My MIL was on tons of meds, most of which she probably didn't even need.

Anyway, when she was living on her own just before breaking her second hip, she seemed to be doing just fine. No sign of dementia or anything. Various family members would stop by her house to refill her meds boxes for her. It wasn't until she ended up here that we discovered she HATED taking her meds. So I suspected that when she was alone she probably threw them out. Never took them.

When she came here, I made sure she got her meds consistently and on time. That's when the trouble started...dementia.

Things got really bad for a while with the dementia before she got put into the hospice program. As you know, it's palliative care. No more of her meds, nothing except for pain if she had it, and there was a point where she had to be treated for a bladder infection.

But all her regular meds were stopped.

That's when she "came back" to us. No more dementia. She was as normal as could be.

After that, we all suspected that the tons of meds she was on affected her brain in some way.


I've never been a big meds-type person anyway, but after seeing what happened with my MIL, I'm even more suspicious of them and the potential for scary side effects.

it is common to presumptively treat bladder infections in elderly since getting a clean specimen can be very difficult.

For your question though, the primary caregiver knows a lot about health care and confers with nurse me also. So far we've been able to work it all out, but if neither of us were medically trained and/as assertive as we are, it would be difficult. This is a reason many seniors get a nurse case manager, to act as go between and an advocate. Is there in-home care also, or hospice, as they have case managers.

If not, it is hard, especially long distance. You don't want to second guess, but also want to be involved. You want to be an advocate, but also recognize your relationship with the other family me,bers once the senior is gone.

Best wishes to you and yours. It often is not easy.

Best to you and yours as well.

... without knowing the symptoms and history, it's hard to have an opinion. Cipro is a great drug for a lot of things.

My mother self-diagnosis a lot. Was dxing herself with lower tract URIs even though she has no colon. Her doctor was rxing Bactrim for repeat URIs with no culture. Well, either she had a resistant URI or more likely, since 99% of lower tract URIs are caused by coliform bacteria, she wasn't having URIs. I made her get a culture. Guess what? No infection. Interstitial cystitis.

Of course, this doctor relying on her self-dx is what led to her needing an emergency colectomy, but that's another rant.