>> Think outside the box. Specifically, the box where you keep your morals.

>> Overpromise. Underdeliver.

>> Criticism of the president stops at the water's edge unless that criticism involves Benghazi, Syria, Israel, Ukraine, Iran, Russia or any other place on earth.

>> An ounce of ethics is worth a pound of dirt.



Thanks for the lessons, GOP.
>> There's only one way to acknowledge the less fortunate in our society: reluctantly.
>> To avoid injury, keep your knees springy when teeing off.

>> Strong, uncompromising regulation is very important to maintain a properly-functioning democratic society, and penalties should include jail time for lawbreakers.

(Note: the above applies only to regulation of the female reproductive system. Otherwise, strong, uncompromising de-regulation is very important to maintain a properly-functioning democratic society.)

>> Keep your government hands off my regular government salary increase.

>> When in doubt, cut the mic and adjourn the meeting.

>> Remember the key to good sportsmanship: moving your opponent's goalposts back anytime they get close to it.

>> Aid for rural folks who have fallen on tough times is helping real Americans pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Aid for urban folks who have fallen on tough times is encouraging inner-city moochers.

>> The best part of life is recess, so spend as much time in it as possible