(the fact that whether your employer's insurance is considered 'affordable' depends on the pricing
of a policy for you individually).

Here's a recent article that discusses the issue: http://www.sacbee.com/2014/03/02/6195691/obamacares-kid-glitch.html

even if we made, combined, 2-3 times more than we do now, we can't afford to get married, this fucking sucks.

I was talking to my Dad about our marriage and family plans, and all he said was that its not necessary to get married to have kids, I think he just wants more grandkids, my sister already gave him 2.

As the link in the post above this explains, the 9.5% "affordability" threshold applies to coverage for the individual employee only, not for any family members. So if you added your future child to your employer's plan and your premiums double, it wouldn't make any difference. You still wouldn't be eligible for subsidies.

However, as you said, the child might qualify for Medicaid, depending on your income (assuming your state hasn't opted out of the Medicaid expansion). If not, he/she might be able to get subsidies.

I believe the only thing that would be affected by you getting married or not would be your child's eligibility for Medicaid or subsidized insurance. That would depend on your and your fiancee's combined incomes.

Look into CHIP or whatever your state calls it. My married daughter has insurance thru her job, her self-employed husband was able to keep his non-compliant bare-bones plan and their child has CHIP which is totally free to them. They're not destitute either. This is PA where the asswipe Corbett declined the Medicaid expansion but they're good about covering kids. They would fall into the "family glitch" as well with covering her husband.