How to not murder your ex - Mark Morford

Simple rules we live by. Basic laws we insist upon.

Zucchini is pointless. Orchids are fantastic. Politics will mutilate your soul. If you are not frequently complaining of overworked exhaustion and sort of resent your job and your life, you are a failed American.

Conversely, if someone asks, “How are you?” and you smile warmly and say, “I feel great and life is amazing,” something is clearly wrong with you and you should be shunned. I mean, obviously.

Breakups? Divorces? Vicious. Maybe even sociopathic. Ex-husbands/wives/lovers are, with rare exception, monsters, liars, destroyers of worlds. If you break up right – that is, adhering to the fine American traditions of victimhood, jealousy and mistrust – then you surely despise your former love, or at least secretly wish them a violent genital rash or a highly unpleasant death.

The rest: http://blog.sfgate.com/morford/2014/04/01/how-to-not-murder-your-ex/