Said on the TeeVee

Leno

This weekend 71-year-old former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. And I thought this was nice — they let him shoot the donor himself.

Fox News sent Dick Cheney flowers. MSNBC sent chili cheese fries.



Conan

This weekend 71-year-old former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant. The heart is working so well that Cheney has already gone to Whoville and returned all their Christmas presents.

Rick Santorum said you aren't a real Republican until you've sworn at someone from The New York Times. Moments later a panicked Mitt Romney called the New York Times reception desk and said "Heck!"


Fallon

Yesterday on CNN, White House adviser David Plouffe referred to the Republican presidential race as a "clown show." That’s as rough as it gets on CNN. Romney, Santorum, Paul, and Gingrich all called the statement ridiculous and then piled into one tiny car and drove off.

Dick Cheney received a heart transplant this weekend after waiting for two years. He wasn't waiting for a donor. It just took doctors two years to find Cheney’s current heart.

A new survey found that Facebook, Google, and YouTube are the most popular websites in the U.S. — while the least popular website in the U.S. is Gingrich2012.org.