99% of the time I wouldn't hide it.

it is being used by some to get even with people they disagree with.

I have people singling me out all the time to give me shit, they will pick my thread out among 100 like it and attack me, but would I report them?

never

What especially is irritating is people that seem to obsess and keep notes on what people posted 3 - 6 - 18 months ago.

That really should not be allowed.

It used to be banned for what it is.

Board stalking. And calling out.

In my day, when people wanted to say "fuck you" they usually accompanied it with a raised middle finger. "Bless your heart" was what my grandmother and every adult female relative I've ever had said whenever I did or said something clever. Or they just wanted to be nice.

I think times have changed since your grandmother's day.

Sigh.

and how you say it.

I had never heard of this insult stuff until DU.

I means... oh you poor thing, you are just too stupid/silly/dramatic/snobbish... depending on the context

I might hide... but probably not because I think it's a wonderful way to insult someone

I grew up in New England and the phrase, "Bless your heart..." was widely used and even the last time I visited in this century. It was usually intended to mean, "...that's so nice of you!" and other similar acknowledgements. Never heard of it being used in an unkind or mean sort of way. Maybe in the southern states that is so but it was never, to my knowledge, been used in a derogatory sense.

Down south, however, in the land of euphemism & veiled hostility…

that my time spent in the southern states is minimal. If I went there at all my primary goal was to get out ASAP. I usually make a point of staying north of I-70, preferably I-80.

For me, the phrase is a genteel way of saying: "I mean you no malice but you are being foolish."

I don't ever interpret it as 'F you.', but just as something along the lines of 'I disagree, I think you're being pigheaded, I think you're being a jerk, etc.' I generally don't see it coming out of the blue, it's usually something said in response to somone else first saying something either malicious or stupid.

So no, I wouldn't hide it.

Anita Bryant - as an example. He didn't use sexist or demeaning language towards women - arch Feminist he was. But tat was always said with a sneer by him to hateful people.

as in 'oh, did you get your fee-fees hurt? Well bless your heart'.

When used like that it's juvenile and stupid, and I would probably vote to hide.

All depends on how it's used.

as a substitute for 'fuck you' in order to avoid a hide and I've seen it used in that manner many times.

Where I grew up Michigan, it was only said in appreciation for a welcome in response to a unsolicited favor or gift.

Whoops.

One DUer used to post "Merry Christmas" instead of "Fuck You". Wouldn't have hid that either.

Sid

I was raised that it as much as an insult (lodged at me at DU btw) as "I don't really know their/your people."

Anyone who says it is being insulting based upon my upbringing. My mom was raised in Southern California - then Lake Tahoe. She married a Southerner.

Not uncommon to hear her say it about Sister Sarah Alaskastan as she refers to Sarah Palin. Or Paul Ryan. Orthe Koch brothers. She normally follows up with comments about Happy Shiny Jesus People.

It's just one of those "funny' insults

(That reply just wrote itself.)

have a good feeling about someone. Oh dear.. what have I done?!!

But, you really have to go out of your way to find it.

However, some folks are ALWAYS looking for an insult and it's amazing that anything would get past their template for outrage.

I would not hide. But, then again, that's exactly why I refuse to serve on juries at DU......it's such an exercise in outrage.

Furthermore I'm a born and raised Texan and I've never used it like that or heard it used like that. I guess I just don't hang out with people that snide and snotty.

I would probably say "Bless your heart" to the alerter in my jury comment.

It generally means "Dear God are you dim" or something along those lines but in no way equates to Fuck You. And even saying that, it's not **always** a hidden insult. It really can be a type of blessing.
Him: "My son just got back from Afghanistan. He lost three toes."
Her: "Well bless his heart! I sure hope he gets along okay.."

vs

Him: "My son just got back from Afghanistan. He said over there the women have beards and the men eat raw lobsters fresh from the sea. He saw it himself!"
Her: "Well bless his heart! I sure hope he comes home soon."

Heard "bless your heart" from every member of my family, close and distant, and it has never been used in any way other than to imply that the person they are dealing with is as dumb as a box of rocks, or to genuinely wish blessings upon someone (usually because they're dumber than a box of rocks, but not always)

Not a "fuck you" at all, very much a "oh your poor stupid/tasteless/ignorant/tacky/idiotic thing you." Usually accompanied by an eye roll and a certain intonation that left little room for guessing about the intention of the expression.

Report someone for "Bless Your Heart"

Really!

My god, where I come from on the internet message board world if someone reported someone for that they would be laughed off the board.

Even if it was meant purely as an insult.

I am not calling anyone here a crybaby, I am just saying my god, we have to be tougher than this.

Now I am joking, but i could be sympathizing with your position or I could even be making fun of you, as an example, which i am not doing but the point is

so what!

Anyway, I love the SF Giants, I love pizza, I love cheeseburgers and I have heart disease.

So which of these wont give me a heart attack?

None of the above, ever hear of the heartbreak kids?

LOL

Baseball, gotta love it...

I truly like. In fact I said it about Al Gore today.. I really meant it. I had no idea it was an insult of the highest caliber.

LOL to the SF Giants! and take care, randy~

Sheesh!

it's just that some more people other than the alerter think it is offensive. lots of "hides" do have an effect, and being banned from that thread is not so good.
-
I am sure that much of what people write here is an insult to someone.

There's the nice way, like when discussing an 88-year-old neighbor who goes for a daily walk, rain or shine. "Oh, bless her heart!"

But it most definitely can also be used as a "fuck you," so whether or not I'd vote to hide... depends.

Fainting Couch, I figure we can survive "Bless your heart".

If they're on my alert stalking list, then of course I hide.

If you do, that's fine. There's still an option for that. But I don't think it's "nanny state" for people to say that a forum might want to hide it.

I wouldn't vote to hide it. But I wouldn't necessarily vote to hide an outright "fuck you" either. In fact I prefer someone come right out and say FU instead of hiding behind cutesy phrases.

Sometimes debates become a little too heated and harsh words are exchanged.

That's something we say all the time around here. It's a casual thing like we say to someone when they do a good thing, or have something good happen.

What else is politically incorrect now?

By that I mean that I believe that there is a difference between a random person saying "bless your heart" and a random DUer on DU saying "bless your heart".

I absolutely would hide a "bless your heart" if it was being used antagonistically, which it is most of the time. It's particularly insidious because the non-offensive meanings of the phrase are used to give the insulting meaning cover. Juries are dumb enough to give the benefit of the doubt (in a bout of nihilistic skepticism) to any insult that doesn't literally say "I hate you. You are stupid. I hope you die." It's really an unfortunate thing for the discourse around here.

...and the positions taken.

if someone is taking a position that lacks civility in the thread, I don't care how polite their language sounds, they are being uncivil (certainly by the standards this place permits), so I'd vote to hide, even if the post I'm judging isn't the worst of the bunch. That's an extreme example and I have rarely had a case where I've done that (or felt I needed to).

Luckily most are fairly consistent and the alerts tend to be on the worst posts by the poster in the thread so things are hideworthy based on that post or they aren't.

Sometimes there are newbies and/or people playing games and if I see something like that, from a newbie or otherwise, I'll act as a jury to shut that down.

As a juror, if I simply judge the post, but not the context or other posts in the thread, then I'm only hiding bad words. Offense, insult or insults to one's dignity or humanity are not simply from a few swear words (often the most horrifying things don't have any hot button words, swear words or expletives) but from positions taken, justifying some unequal rights or denying the holocaust or suggesting someone is less than a full human being based on some intrinsic part of their being.

If you only hide for a few expletives, you aren't hiding all the incivility, in fact, you're not even hiding the worst of it, that's why I think it's our job to look at posts and the context and meaning of those posts.

Thus, if one poster denies or minimizes the holocaust and another follows and says F--- you. I'd hide the holocaust denial and leave the F--- you. The civil response to holocaust denial is F--- you (especially by DU standards) and holocaust denial is uncivil, I don't care how much one makes the words flow like the Queen's English.

I wouldn't hide it because it's pretty mild. It's patronizing but it's not exactly the worst thing ever.

Stunned.

Good lord, get over yourself. I'm getting a Carly Simon earworm.

I was tonight thinking back to when hubby passed away last year. The caregiver and hospice nurse were so kind. I kept hearing words like bless your heart, honey....it is said freely and was when I was growing up. It just blows my mind to learn here tonight that it has undertones like that.

I say to people who are hurting with maybe a hug. I've never seen anyone offended.

I am not the one who said it in this post. It's part of my speech pattern, but I don't remember using it to write.

and one of them says "bless your heart". The particular use of it I saw on DU yesterday seemed to say "you should stop replying to me" (they repeated it when another reply was made, and they really wanted the other DUer to shut up).

First of all, I know several elderly ladies who use that phrase. It's not intended as a compliment, but it's not necessary a way to say "fuck you."

That being said, the standard is whether the post is rude, abusive or over-the-top. The whole point of saying "Bless Your Heart" (even using your definition) is to AVOID saying something rude or over-the-top.

way too mild to get upset over.

So weird this is being a topic of discussion. I've heard it used, and used it, all my life....often as a good for you kind of saying.

This is just weird.

Here's a variation on the joke:

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.


The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.
The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"
The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying, "Who gives a sh*t?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart."

Very often, the context contains all the information as to whether something is an insult or not.