GOPers should tell Kevin McCarthy to fuck off and draft Louie Gohmert for Majority Leader instead

Yes, I'm well aware that, on the surface, it looks as if I've lost my mind by suggesting that Louie Gohmert should be the next GOP House Majority Leader, but please bear with me here as I state my case.

First off, I have to reiterate my delight at having Eric Cantor lose his seat in a primary challenge to someone, who in all likelihood, could be a dilettante dominionist Teabagger with latent socially, politically and economically regressive tendencies. But, I've had the distinct impression that Cantor himself was much less a skilled political statesman, despite his position of leadership in the Republican Party caucus, than he was an empty-suited whore for corporate interests. Cantor's greatest asset for the cause was that that he freely sold his own ass to any corporation for a price and said and supported any policy in Congress that his masters deemed necessary. Cantor was chosen as Majority Leader primarily for his ability to raise corporate bucks and less so for either his paltry skills as a legislator or even as a politician.

As so, Cantor pretty much ended up representing the 7th congressional district in Virginia's actual constituents as much as he actually represented this gentleman we have here dressed as both a Klingon and a Stormtrooper:



Cantor will be presumably setting off into perhaps that sunset lifestyle of a K Street lobbyist. I'm sure that he'll be extremely adept at dedicating his entire time and effort in a way that most suits his particular skill set and interests… For the right price, of course.

Whore away, Eric. Whore away.

And when lame duck Cantor officially steps down next month, at this point, it looks as if he'll be replaced by the irrepressibly boring Kevin McCarthy of California's 23rd congressional district. And since Republicans aren't necessarily renown for altering their patterns of behavior and reasoning, one can only presume that McCarthy would turn out to be as just as big a corporate whore in the Majority Leader's seat as has been Cantor himself. Unfortunately, for Mr. McCarthy, once it was revealed that he would be the most likely congress-critter to replace Cantor, the news hasn't engendered any real excitement or enthusiasm, other than noting that he was the man whom Kevin Spacey shadowed, researching for his role in the TV show, HOUSE OF CARDS.

McCarthy is from BAKERSFIELD, for gawd sakes, the Podunkistan of California. He's about as exciting as a front end alignment. Basically, his promotion will be nothing more than simply a paean to politics as usual. Both pundits on the Right and the Left see McCarthy as someone who is neither right to make changes, or rock some boats or even generate some waves in Congress. Predictions abound that he will serve as Majority Leader as nothing more than as a functionary buzzard, waiting to pick the bones of Speaker Boehner when he expires. Considering his origins, that would predict his ambitious intentions.

But enough of McCarthy for now.

Instead, I look at this as a perfect opportunity for Republicans to show their dedication to integrity by drafting a man who pretty much says what he really thinks, rather than what some corporate lobbyist downloads into his brainstem and enhances his clout through campaign donations, and I'm talking about none other than the one and only LOUIE GOHMERT of Texas.

Yes, Gohmert is a certifiably racist, Right-Wing nut bag moron. He never disappoints by saying the most idiotically reprehensible nonsense imaginable at the drop of hat. Louie, is by far, the most intellectually stunted brain donor in a veritable sea of Right Wing congressional stupidity. The things that come out of that man's mouth at times make Homer Simpson seem like Albert Einstein by comparison, we all know that for a fact.

Louie IS the epitome of utter dumbassery. There is NO disputing any of this.

However, say what you will about Louie's diminished cognitive state, you can't dispute the fact that whatever he says, you're getting NOTHING EXCEPT PURE UNCUT LOUIE. He's a man who says whatever he thinks and he's quite generous with giving us all a piece of his mind, no matter how paltry of an amount he has to give. But in spite of that, you can't say that Louie is anything but his own man.

And he's exciting to behold. His penchant for shock value, whenever he opens his slobbering maw, is worth his own weight in gold alone. He's anything BUT boring and he's too stupid and guileless to serve effectively as a corporate whore. Instead of selling his seat and access to the highest corporate bidder, as long as he's willing to ONLY speak his own atrophied mind on matters of governmental policy, rather than what some lobbyist has paid him to say, then you can depend on Louie to represent his position from ONLY that of simple-minded integrity.

Louie has proven that integrity time and time again. Check out some of these most notable context free quotes and tell me that someone else has put this garbage into this man's head:















Or his latest stupidity eruption:



I know that withstanding all of that stupidity was a rough going, but it had to be done in order to prove a point. And, yes, I have to admit my bias towards Louie. I can't help but to admire the plucky fucker. I hope to God that he eventually finds his missing chromosome some day; but until then, I can only see him as an inspiration to everyone whose brains are permanently in park while their mouths are running in fifth gear.

Louie in the Majority Leader's office would strike a severe blow against GOP political cronyism. Who in their right minds would pay this clown good money to advocate for their corporate interests? There is no way in HELL that Louie could ever be an effective and viable corporate whore. Can you just imagine the havoc that his installment as the campaign donation gateway between Republicans and their string dangling corporate puppet masters would wreak inside the boardrooms across America?

So, for political integrity, the only real choice for the job is Louis Buller Gohmert, Jr. The man is an American Icon, and the only real vessel to bring integrity back to Republican politics. He's the REAL DEAL.

Sure, after Boehner runs off to run a tanning salon for liver impaired hacks once his time is up, Louie would be primed to wrangle the Speaker's gavel, if the House remains Republican controlled in the next session of Congress. But that's just a risk that we should be willing to take, in order to watch the GOP caucus collapse in on itself from the lack of corporate funding, because Louie stood as his own man.

So, please, tell me how you feel about this… Is Louie the one?

I can't wait for the feedback.