Stopped by Redstate for sec. I have a top ten of what I'd believe, if I were a Goddamned Republican

1. Ronald Reagan is God.

His desiccated Wee Willie Winkle is in fact the Holy Staff of Life and it would be my greatest calling to find a way to sit and spin on it.


2. Sarah Palin is misunderstood.

Much in same the way that things like The Ebola virus and Pancreatic cancer are always getting a bad rap.


3. George Zimmerman is being unfairly portrayed in the "Lame Stream Media" and the "Professional Race Hustlers".

Basically, it's Trayvon's fault that he brought Skittles to a gunfight.


4. President Obama is planning on doing something nefarious to the Supreme Court in case they rule against "Obamacare".

Most of the opinion is leaning towards turning the Court into a giant Starbucks franchise, but I'm hoping for a federally funded strip club with the Justices hired as lap dancers. (Hmm, Scalia in the Champagne Room! So sexy!)


5. Mitt Romney is THE one man who should be president.

If by "Man", I mean a walking, talking, flip-flop wearing, animatronic slice of milk soaked white bread, he's a much better choice than... The Black Guy.


6. I agree with Rick Santorum, as he wrote in his diary that the greatest threat his children is The American Government.

Which is why he should win the White House and usher in that dire circumstance for his progeny and all others, post haste. YAY, Apocalypse!


7. Citizens United is the greatest thing since toasted, milk soaked white bread.

Stop being unfair to those corporations, liberals. They're actually PEOPLE, who are protected under the First Amendment… Unlike Unions, which are pinko commies that deserved to be thrown in the secret FEMA concentration camps.


8. There is absolutely NO groundswell support for a Obama reelection. There's no way that any thinking person would want this guy back in the White House.

When Randall Terry gets the most votes at a brokered DNC, the Anointed One will be exposed as a fraud. I'm taking that to Vegas and betting my mortgage on it.


9. Let's cheer for a drunken rant against the liberals who are hell bent on wrecking the economy, lying us into foreign wars, sacrificing our liberty and freedom for the sake of their masters (poor, brown-skinned losers), and… well just being liberals, because we hate them for being pushy, nosy do-gooders.

That's why they hate America.


10. It's 8:45PM ET...

Fetus worshipping time.




Thanks for the diversion. I now return you to your regularly scheduled General Discussion.