I take every opportunity that presents itself to instill into every girl in my life how and why this is all so vitally important. Too many trips to the ER, too many hospital stays trying to fix the damage done, helping in women's shelters, working years with EMS and crying in the back with beaten women and children on the way have made me uber-sensitive to any abuse that's tried to be hidden or explained away. I stopped some drunk from punching his wife in the bar last weekend - lucky for me he didn't punch me instead but maybe he saw the fire shooting out my eyes. Thanks for the post raptor-rider, spreading the word saves lives. If I'd had someone sit me down at that age and tell me that no, it was not alright to put up with that first slap, or push ..... I'd have known it wasn't something to be too ashamed of to tell anyone about. Abuse destroys souls - of anyone - women, children, and yes .... many men. We're actually a horrible species when it comes to this.

Without people like you, we'd be without a voice!!!!

I know my dad's adopted father raped his mother, and it was the reason she divorced him. Not knowing other things he had done. He also raped his adopted daughter. Which child she miscarried. She left while my father was serving in Vietnam. He's a year younger than her. 50's and 60's were very rough for women.

My father tried to smash her through the solid oak back door of our house, causing her lower teeth to nearly bisect her lip. She blamed the cat, said she'd tripped and landed on the floor.

Another time, we were camping, he beat her all over with a studded belt. She told the other people we were camping with that she'd fallen down the rocky path towards the lake nearby. They either believed her or weren't willing to argue.

Seventeen years of this and more. Me coming home from school to find him passed out on the couch, a shotgun pointed at the door because they'd had a fight. Her claiming a bike accident when he broke her orbital bone before I was born. Her holding me back from putting a steak knife in him after one night he flattened her nose, because 'he's your father and you love him.' I was ten, and we had to throw away my shirt because of her blood on it. I don't remember how she explained it that time.

Each time, she lied to protect herself, or to protect me and my sister. And each time, people accepted what she said, no matter how ludicrous, how obviously false. Because they were more comfortable with a woman being beaten within an inch of herl ife, than htey were with "getting involved."

Fuck them.

I remember going to work at the bank one day with an obviously broken nose, black eyes and face bruised and swollen and my loans officer kept walking by, staring. He said I've never seen anyone beat up this bad ...... but never once questioned my excuse for that one - hitting the handlebars of the ski-doo trying to miss a deer. Maybe my excuse was just that good. But when it keeps happening, you'd think people would eventually question and dare to become involved. We rented a farm and were isolated, I knew no-one, was at a new job, was 17 and stupid. I swear, if I had a daughter and knew what was happening, I'd be in jail for murder. At the time, my Dad never had an inkling as we lived a province away and I was too ashamed and afraid to say anything. I was also afraid he would be hurt when he did find out and do something. It's an insidious form of control, and some are very, very good at making the most of it.

I'm so sorry!!!!

No child needs to go through with that!!

The nightmares you must have!!!

I'm very sorry!!!

Cop manover that they do with their car. You push the back bumper of the car with front of your car to make them loose control of the car for a moment.

My father was a cop for 5 yrs, and only used it, in no traffic.

I know what you are talking about now.

Wikipedia article on "PIT maneuver" explains it, with a diagram.

I cannot for the life of me imagine doing this to anyone - nor wanting to do this to anyone - no matter how much they might have angered me. It's really sick and it needs to be taken much more seriously than it is currently. Domestic abusers need to be hit will the full force of the law.

It really sucked!!!

I can't even get my mind around the injustice of this.

It is so inhuman to me.

killers and abusers - and as long as I live, I'm sure I never will.

I hope. This just isn't right.

This is something that should never be forgotten, that needs to be repeated to as many people as possible.

My girlfriend was abused and raped by her ex-boyfriend for years. The asshole got away with it as far as I know, though last I heard he was arrested in Seattle for rape. What disgusts me, though, is that she's told me multiple people noticed her bruises, her excuses, her pain, and they did nothing about it. She's told me that all it would have taken was one person who spoke up, one person who said "This isn't right." I don't know who those people are, and I don't care to know, but I wish they had spoken up. While I knew her at the time, I suppose I didn't realize things like that happened. Abuse was never a part of my life that I knew about. I never realized she had bruises, never knew to ask about her broken bones, never realized that she was going through something like that. When we got closer, she told me about what happened, and to this day, my biggest regret is not noticing. I'm much more aware of what all too often happens to women now, and I watch for that, but I can't go back and say something then. I wish I had someone like polly7 that had talked to me about shit like this at the time, and I am grateful for everyone like her that does.

As for my girlfriend, she's a hell of a tough person and I think she's doing a lot better right now, though I'll never really know. I'm amazed at how much she can take (she has a whole host of unrelated serious health problems as well) and still be the person she is now. I do what I can to help her, but like you said, once hurt, cannot shut it off, and I accept that she'll probably never be able to trust someone fully again.

A thank you to everybody here that notices and says something, and a thank you to people that educate, that makes people aware of these problems. You help people, often more than you'll know.

Thanks for posting

Tell her she's amazing. Just tell her that!!!

Once we got past the part where she was confused why someone on the internet was telling her she's amazing, she said thanks and that she likes you

Just let her know, every day!!!

I hope that she has healed!

She was telling me the other day about an aunt of mine in the Philippines adopting a child that was in a bad, bad, place. Then one day a friend of my aunts offered her house keeper to baby sit while my aunt had matters she couldn't get out of.

when my aunt got home the child had several broken bones and needed immediate medical attention. The only person it could be was the house keeper but she said the child fell on the couch.

To the point I asked my mother if they called the police. She said they didn't because of the relationship my aunt had with her friend.

I immediately screamed in to the phone, "WHAT?" But she was dead serious. I yelled WTF and hung up on her.

I've separated from that life completely but still get the reminders of how insane my youth was.



peace, P.

Any reasoning??

seems preserving long time relationships trump kids health. My mother sent money to the Philippines while denying her own kids, I guess she believed that magic just happened when you move to the US and that everyone's well to do.



I don't know, I just stay away.

-p: nt

That's horrible!!!

Thanks for sharing, raptor_rider.

Uncle joe!!!

My wife's ex was abusive too (it sounds like she left sooner than you did). My wife occasionally also says things that sound like something you said.
I see a lot of anger in your words, completely justified anger, and the duration of your anger. If I am too forward, forgive me. Have you talked to anyone about it?

Just a very few have heard my tale. Yes, I'm very angry. He hurt me bad, however he's living his life in a home, brain meth'ed out. I'm told he only he has maybe 10% of his brain functioning. He's not even 40 yet.

Myself and my daughter are in a much better place! She's only 16, and a high school graduate, and starting college this next term! She's also a type 1 diabetic, so it rough!!!

On our wedding night my husband said, "I am the man and I can do what ever I want."
We were married on Thanksgiving day. I was out of there by Veterans Day.

for someone being married on Thanksgiving Day, apparently he was clueless as what to be thankful for.

and my own business which I did after my job. Saved 5K Got an apartment signed the lease, electricity, cable and phone. Threw all of his stuff in one room and told the movers to pack every thing else.
Power and Control.
Misogyny is no joke.
The police did nothing.
He tried his best to keep me terrified.
He messed with the wrong chick.

Love, Peace and the righteous fight.

It took me three years.

I would have been dead with my mouth!!! I'm happy you got out!!!

abusive men.

the way to stop violence is to protect mothers. to see their needs are met.
take care of women, and they will take care of children.
this is poison.
everyone should speak up.

But the law didn't protect her. She was 4 months old when I left him, and he had supervised visitation with her. She came home at after a 2 hour visitation with him at 8 months with nail gouges, red marks, you name it, she had it, without broken bones. The ER dr wouldn't say it wasn't abuise, however I know it was. He hasn't seen her since. It's been over 16 years.

you and the other brave people in this thread lived through. I wish I could make it so that you never had to experience it.

I am so glad you were able to get away from it, and I hope you can have peace.

Granted it took my dad down. However I always told him, you hurt me, I don't care. You hurt my family, it's war. And he tried. He t-boned my fathers car, with me in it!! I jumped out, and thank The Lord my parents house was only 4 blocks away. Made my mother aware what was going on.

When we pulled up to the site, he looked at me and said "Come here," and when I didn't, he knew. He got arrested too!!!

Not to take away from the physical abuse victims, but I let negative men put me down because nobody taught me I didn't have to put up with that BS. Nobody told me I didn't have to be a doormat. I was divorced from two very emotionally abusive men before I learned any better. When I separated from the second one, it took him only four years living together to almost nag me to death with his negativity. I was in and out of the hospital and ER for about nine years until it finally stopped. It almost killed me.

No black eyes, no bruises, but still incredibly damaging.

That's the part that really gets me, knowing how horrible the suffering is inside - and many times it's day after day, hour after hour. The sadness, pain, hopelessness, self-hatred, fear, even the loss of joy in waking up every morning - those are really, really difficult things to recover from, no matter who you are.

I am a third party who has been told from the first party of her existing abusive relationship, yelling, threats of violence, drug use, etc. I am hesitant to do any more than I have already done, that is recommend calling a women's shelter or counseling service to get professional advice and help. I do not want to see the person injured or her children to have to live through the fighting and drug use that takes place. I do not want to get CPS involved as I would not want the mother to have potential of losing her children. I do not want to be the one that hurts her.

Should I back away after giving my advice to seek professional counseling or ... what?

If she needs to talk or needs a place to stay.

I may just cut all ties with this person.

My life is only hanging on by a shoestring currently. I certainly do not need people in my life that are making poor choices. I had my child's mother removed from the house due to poor choices she was making.

I do not understand the mindset a person must be in to put up with such things day in and day out and think that the other party will change their ways. I only did it for the sake of our child. If it had been me alone, I would have removed her from my life years ago.

There is a lot of information out there. People who are raised in fear, who grew up with it on a daily basis, are targets for abusers.

In this thread we see a few people who were not conditioned to think it was in any way acceptable, and that's great. Many are not so lucky.

and of course opening your home to her would expose you to danger, depending on how violent the man is.

The mindset is that she has been with that man for years. He doesn't treat her that way all the time. In fact, at other points he is probably very loving. She believes she doesn't deserve anything better. She has probably always had low self-esteem and was likely raised in a home where she was abused and/or devalued. Psychologically, these situations are complex. No one can force her to leave. She has to make that decision for herself.

However she needs to take that first step. She needs to realize that it's poison to her and her children. Trust me, you can talk to them until you are blue in the face. The abused person will not budge until something breaks that straw. Maybe CPS needs to be involved. For the children's sake, they do not need to take what she's taking, just because they are her children. They do not deserve what she's getting, just like she doesn't deserve it. However the babies are getting the "water rolls down hill" affect.

Domestic violence is not taken seriously. This has to change.