The DUzy Awards for April 6th, 2012

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your Friday night cavalcade of wit, witlessness, and all around ‘whoa’ from people who think they’re the funniest on DU!

DuzyMaster Note: Hey, not a lot of nominations this week. Get cracking, DUers, or I’ll be forced to fill the empty spaces with pictures from my vacation to Big Earl’s Geriatric Body-Waxing Emporium and Day Spa Resort.

How it works: (and I really should stop deleting this from the template).

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by EFerrari
[big] Go check out P. 2 of the Sanford Police Robbery Prevention flyer.[/big]
Go check out P. 2 of the Sanford Police Robbery Prevention flyer.



http://www.sanfordfl.gov/police/flyers/Preventing_Robbery.pdf

H/t to Latino Rebels for the find.



I'd copy the image and post it but my connection is too slow right now.

ETA, got it.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] dkf
[big]2. Hey they forgot an Asian bad guy. [/big]
Funny how Asians always get overlooked.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] harmonicon [/font]
[big] 16. He's there: you can't see him, because he's a ninja. nt. [/big]


GD, Apr 4, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002515043


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by trumad
[big] Uh Ms. Obama-- you are smoking hot![/big]

Kids Choice awards.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] The Straight Story [/font]
[big] 46. You can't compliment women, or say negative things (or hold doors now) [/big]
Every interaction must be well planned and thought out so as not to offend someone.

Du is like that Windows Mine sweeper game at times.

"Wow, she is really pretty/hot!"

"Why did you say that about her? Do you call men pretty/hot? Why do you hate women and want to oppress them??"

What should probably have been said was:

(While sipping some good 'hot' tea perhaps with your pinky in the air)

"I say, I was noticing the first family today and how elegant they all appeared in their attire. They are indeed quite the fetching family. Why it was just yesterday it seems like the Holiday Greeting card with that green tree in the background made the rounds (can't say Christmas, an oppressive cracker holiday) and I had thought to myself at the time that the first family could not possibly look more radiant and elegant. It appears I was mistaken in my earlier analysis."

(reads through DU and sees this thread)

"Oh my dear. Martha, come look at this awful internet and the brutish treatment of the first family. I must say, I am not shocked at such foul language. Had the bloody Americans not broken away I dare say they would have some proper manners. Here is a person complimenting someone using their own vernacular - the nerve of such people! I am hoping dearly that the poor first lady has not looked in upon such a horrid thread, it would probably bring her to tears being called such horrid words."

Martha: "Oh my goodness yes. I think I should call a bobby around if someone referred to the queen as 'hot'. And on the internets of all places? The whole world will see how uncouth such louts are. Can you alert on the bloke and maybe some jury with common sense will knock him a round?"

GD, Apr 1, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002502404


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by WonderGrunion
[big] President Obama just secured enough delegates to clinch the Democratic nomination[/big]
Does that mean primary season is officially over as far as DU is concerned?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 2ndAmForComputers [/font]
[big] 19. Wow, what a relief! I was afraid he might lose! [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] UrbScotty [/font]
[big] 20. Vermin Supreme sure made it a close contest! [/big]


H&M-D, Apr 3, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124071242


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by grantcart
[big] Romney Camp gives a preview of "National Etch A Sketch Day"[/big]
As previously noted September 1st, 2012 will mark the first day of the Post Republican Primary campaign and we, along with the Republicans will find out exactly what the Republican Party has purchased in its nominee.

Kind of like a Surprise Party in reverse.

Here Romney surrogate Ehrlich is giving us a teaser:

After the convention Romney will begin to tell us his "real" opinions on women's issues.



Hey conservative cavers/freepers/and other lurkers on the right - what do you think Romney's 'real' views are and why would the 'gender gap' "dissipate rather quickly".

Man you guys have fallen for one of the greatest political con jobs in history and I am loving every second of it.
[font color=#FF0000]A shitload of s after this. [/font]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] denem [/font]
[big] 2. September 1st 2012, the biggest Game Change in political history, [/big]
and the debut of a truly unique political animal: The somewhat moderate, severely progressive-conservative nominee.

A new look, new women friendly policies, I can hardly wait.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] grantcart [/font]
[big] 3. Yes a new look. In fact in order to try and get women to come to his side he is going to change his [/big]
look completely.

He is going to start wearing women's clothes.

Well he is going to stop wearing Mom's jeans and start wearing a more obvious design.

His favorite?

Pink Slips.



Politics 2012, Apr 4, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125127601


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Poll_Blind
[big] Kagan Takes Up Hunting with Fellow Justice Scalia[/big]
http://www.myfoxdfw.com/dpps/news/kagan-takes-up-hunting-with-fellow-justice-scalia-dpgonc-20120404-kh_19031801



Ha! That's great, isn't it? Two people from ideologically opposite ends of the spectrum, coming together to unnecessarily kill a third, completely unrelated thing.



PB

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] teddy51 [/font]
[big] 4. I'm hoping that she has a Cheney moment actually! lol Yeah I know this will probably [/big]
get alerted on, but it was tongue in cheek.

GD, Apr 4, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002518685


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kpete
[big] Wow, Hillary, in a class of her own![/big]

I love her, but would not want to mess with her,
Kpete

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] grantcart [/font]
[big] 8. Great picture of the Secretary of State checking in on DU while flying to Pakistan. [/big]

GD, Apr 5, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002520112


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by raccoon
[big] Can I change my DU name? nt[/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Morning Dew [/font]
[big] 9. I hope you're not thinking of changing it to - [/big]
Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

'cuz I've been thinking about taking that one.

[font color=#FF0000]Mmmm… umlauts[/font]

H&M-D, Apr 5, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124072004


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by KamaAina
[big] The dumbest player in NFL history?[/big]
It could be LSU draft prospect Morris Claiborne.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner/lsu-morris-claiborne-scored-four-wonderlic-test-175829326.html

Former LSU cornerback Morris Claiborne, a likely top-five pick in this month's NFL draft, scored a four on his Wonderlic intelligence test at the NFL combine.

That's four. Zero-four. Four out of 50. Usually those two numbers bring to mind Tim Tebow's passing stats or the Oakland Raiders won-loss record, not a score on a test where a mark of 10 is considered literate.

Claiborne's four ties the lowest reported score in draft history. The NFL average is 21. The public average is 24. Vince Young, the most popular failed Wonderlic test-taker in NFL history, scored a six. Terry Bradshaw, a guy who "couldn't spell 'cat' even if you spotted him a 'ca'" got a 13....

At times like this, it's important to remember the immortal words of Joe Thiesmann. "Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius," the former Washington Redskins quarterback once said. "A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."




Maybe his team will give him jersey No. 4.

edit: I scarcely need to add that this is in college. Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah SEC. But the fact remains, he's in college.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] KamaAina [/font]
[big] 17. Believe it or not, the New London (CT) police department refuses to hire people with "too high" IQ [/big]
I've read a couple of things on this lately where it was suggested that high Wonderlic scores can hurt one's draft status, though they wouldn't have an ADA argument on that.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] hughee99 [/font]
[big] 18. I think I remember something about this a while ago. [/big]
I could see a discrimination lawsuit, but you'd have a hard time arguing that being "too smart" is a disability (unless you're running in the republican primary).

Sports, Apr 3, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12049815


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by cbayer
[big] Texts from Hillary - hilarious![/big]


more at:
http://textsfromhillaryclinton.tumblr.com/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] kpete [/font]
[big] 6. another one [/big]


GD, Apr 5, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002521854


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by darkstar3
[big] "bitchy snot-rocket"??[/big]


Seriously DU...knock this shit off.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] polly7 [/font]
[big] 25. Oops. [/big]
I read the title too fast and thought this was a rant about a motorcycle.

H&M-D, Apr 5, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124072231


Thanks to: 2ndAmForComputers, Kaleko, 50000feet, grantcart, meow2u3, dixiegrrrrl, rocktivity, and William769!

Mom update: she’s recovering nicely. I bought her an Italian grinder and a well-iced fountain Pepsi for dinner and it made her evening.


Submitted for the ,
-Krispos42