I almost never agree with you!

There are plenty of them out there, and they're not shy about advertising their creepy, obnoxious, intrusive, jerkishness.

Someone asking those questions was never interested in a friendship in the first place.

I have heard those questions asked of my lesbian friends, and similar ones asked to me as a gay man.

Said to me by both males and females - usually males

Some people really are that dumb.

especially the one about not finding the right man yet, usually said by some dolt who thinks his dick is magical and godlike and is probably still a virgin because most women can spot him a mile away.

Friends of both sexes started coming out to me from the time I was fourteen. I suppose they thought the school weirdo wouldn't go all judgey and out them and they were right. That has given me a lot of decades to observe what friends through the years have had to put up with from creeper men.

I heard callers saying crap like that - I thought they were joking with her

Do What I Say: Ms. Behaviour's Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette.

That seems to work just fine when I meet people.

I think anyone that would ask those questions, is not looking for friendship.

I believe you've heard the questions, but just out of total nosiness, and feel free to say it's none of my business, but have you heard these questions recently (say, the last 3-5 years)? If you have heard them recently, have you noticed a decrease in frequency (to the point - are things getting better or worse in this particular regard)?

I ask because I'd like to think that things are generally improving, and certainly in the circles I move in relations are improving. I could be totally wrong.

attribute any decrease to that (bars, parties etc.). also, i just don't out myself to men who i think will respond with similar comments, i just tell men i have a husband (cab drivers, random guys on the street etc).

The last time i remember hearing it was from a bouncer outside a queer party, but the space was normally a straight space.

So, in short, they have decreased although I am not sure what to attribute this to.

However, what I will say has changed significantly is that Lisa and I don't get harassed as often in public space.

Me too

Me you put them in their place!

I could not help but notice that you really *are* pretty--and so is your spouse! I hope you don't mind if I link to that post, just so we can all wallow once more in the joy of that day.

http://metamorphosis.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=128726&page=2

...as if she would only choose to go there was because she was either gay or that those schools are only for ugly women, or both...actually, it was because she was a legacy, an aunt who could write in support of her getting in and a Seven Sister College. She really loved it there. She was shy and having the support of other young women in classes was very beneficial for her. She developed nice friendships with lesbian students and all was well! Funny how that works once you get all that homophobic garbage out of the picture!

if I could come over and help move some heavy items. When showed up at her place he introduced me to her girlfriend; we met while she was in a long term relationship with a male friend of mine.

My reply was "That explains a few things." [we always teased her and my male friend about getting married when several in our circle were all married in the same year] to the gf "You are a lucky lady" then we got to work. Afterward we sat and had a nice conversation that had nothing to do with sexuality. I don't view her any different of a friend just because she happens to be a lesbian, or bi, or whatever.

Really, just one is. So, I've never seen any reason to inquire about other people's sex lives. There are plenty of more important things to learn about people than that.

since we never discussed her sex life while she was dating a male why on earth would I ask because she is dating a female...

As we chatted I found her gf is a very interesting person and seems a good match. Due to distance we only see each other several times a year, but I look forward to hanging out with the two of them next time we meet.

Incidentally she is still friends with my male friend. I could ask him when he discovered her orientation but really it is none of my damn business.

I can't imagine inquiring into it or being interested in it, really. The other questions in that article all seem equally irrelevant. I'd be much more interested in knowing the last book someone read and what their opinion of it is.

I don't ask questions about anyone's sex life unless they put it out there for discussion and ask my opinion about it. I only share things with very close friends, and even then I don't use names. It's just crude, in my opinion. I consider the sex act to be between myself and the other person, so I think that discussing the matter is a betrayal of trust.

Should be in the Constitution of the United States, or at least the Bill of Rights, in my opinion!

And you have been in a mutually faithful relationship. And of course, pretty soon you start talking more about all your health issues...

A serial monogamist, but a monogamist all the same.

having to deal with those pesky physical problems nobody told you about...if you are lucky they can be fixed, if not...

It can be sad, but it is reality...

My parents are 90. I'm dealing with it.

abdominal surgery for non life threatening problems and unaware completely of spinal arthritis right around he corner. Ugh. No arthritis in my family! Wha happened?

I dunno how age creeps up on any of the healthiest of us. My mother lived to be 94. You never know...

My long term relationships are not based on sex. They never have been, primarily. An abiding friendship is the key, really. My current marriage is 23 years in length. My previous one was 17, and ended with us remaining friends. Sex is limited in its ability to maintain a solid couple relationship, despite its importance. With age, other factors become far more important.

My SO and I have "code language" from the 60s...namely, "clean for Gene," remember that one? Often he'll shave and say that but if my grown kids or his heard it they wouldn't know what he was talking about! Funny, ain't it?

My wife and I had the pleasure of standing up for the marriage of a couple of our best friends that happen to be ladies. It was in the progressive state of Washington just after it became legal. The judge that performed the ceremony (a female, not that it matters) (the judges perform weddings on their own time, by the way) said afterwards, "These are my favorite weddings". It was a lovely day.

A friend of mine got told by a fellow Happy Hour customer that she "just hadn't met the right guy yet."

She gave him a big smile and replied, "I was thinking the same thing about you."

Can she get a DUzy??

(Some asswipe flashed her, and she said, "Awww, that looks just like a penis ... only smaller.&quot

Don'tcha? Don'tcha?

... I usually use Donna Summer's "Love to Love You Baby".

but I am existentially amazed that people are sufficiently dopey, rude, nosy and tasteless enough to say things like this.

I know that this kind of stupidity exists (along with the morons who harass women, tell them to smile, etc.), but I just can't imagine myself ever saying anything like this to my lesbian friends or (in the case of harassment) to any female, whether I know them or not.

Maybe it's because I was raised mostly by my mom and grandmother, but this kind of behavior among some men just completely boggles my mind.

as one lesbian comic said, if that was true ALL women would be lesbians

Hit us in our fragile male egos!

you want I should kick your fragile male ass, riqster? LEMME AT YOU!!!

I deal with enough pain on a constant basis to willingly pursue more.

"what happened to make you hate god".

Last edited Wed Aug 6, 2014, 03:54 PM - Edit history (1)

I mean, really, who gives a shit?

I go to all kinds of weddings and couldn't care less about the gender mix up there with the minister/shaman/J.P./what have you.

I have all kinds of friends who are into all manner of things. Good for them.

I will never understand those who want to enforce some sort of doctrinal compliance upon others.

My life is easier and better if I am surrounded by happy people, regardless of how they achieve their happiness.

better and with less prolixity than I could have.

What consenting adults do in private is ABSOLUTE ZERO of my business, concern, or to be frank, interest. Live your life and be happy.

Since the "main event" in a straight sex session is missing some built-in parts, I can see someone being curious.

Kinda indicates they aren't terribly good at foreplay though.

involves those "built-in parts." At that what we do in bed amounts to "good foreplay." Or, at least, that's how your post is coming across.

We may need to add a #11... never assume you know what happens in a lesbians' bed.

I'm saying that someone who has only had straight sex, and never did anything sinful like using other body parts, may not understand how lesbians have sex. Because they will have never done anything that would work.

I got the lovely experience of explaining how gay men have sex to an evangelical co-worker. The idea that you could put a penis anywhere else had never occurred to her.

Someone like that won't understand how lesbians have sex. Someone like that will also be terrible at foreplay, since that uses other body parts. The two are correlated, but one does not define the other.

Most people can't handle it without it becoming,....let's say, "complicated".

We've all see it done in cosmetic ads - models who are airbrushed, Photoshopped, or otherwise tweaked in print and online to conform to some vague notion of "femininity" that shifts from month to month. Is it the undernourished waif a la Kate Moss this month, or the Teutonic legginess of of Heidi Klum? Who have the High Epopts of All Things Feminine chosen as humanity's benchmark today?

I've dated women who do not conform to these standards of beauty - even married one - but they're beautiful in my eyes. Especially my wife.

Humans are pattern-seeking animals, and sometimes this trait leads us to create irrational patterns that we use to view the world through. Feminine girl? Straight. Not-so-feminine girl? Probably gay. And somewhere in this mess, "feminine" got mingled with "beauty" and things only got worse from there.

Meanwhile, I remember being stuck in traffic after a local pride parade (where I marched with my fellow Dems) behind this motorcycle that two women were riding. Both had long hair, angular cheekbones, gorgeous eyes, slim figures - the type of women all the straight guys would be chasing at the local mixer. These two women look into each other's eyes, smile, and commence with a tender yet passionate kiss. Did I say "kiss?" These two were sucking face. Take that, "she's too pretty" crowd! As soon as a Federal judge brings down the gavel in their state, they're getting hitched. I'm fairly certain of that.

Sadly, bi people get a similar set of questions from BOTH straight and gay people.

It is understandable, up to a point, people might be curious about sexual orientation, especially if they aren't exposed to one's different from their own or only see them from a distance (tv, movies, other media).

I get asked if I am the "woman" in the relationship because I stay at home, do the shopping, cook dinner, you know..."women's work." I am also shorter than my partner and more slight. The last time I was asked if I was the woman in the relationship (in New Orleans of all places), I replied, "If I am, then I should be in the Guinness Book of World Records because I have the world's largest clitoris!" Of course, he stared at me blankly. I asked if he knew what a clitoris was; he didn't. Pity his future wife!

The worst is when they get overly personal and ask "who's the top and who's the bottom?" My answers range from "none of your damn business" to "why? are you looking to be in a threesome?" One time I answered, "who ever wins the coin toss!" That really confuses them because without specifying position, they can't tell what is or isn't the "winning" position.

I'm sorry...but I think it's true. It's true with racism too. I mean to say, I consider myself NON-racist, and NOT a homophobe. I LOVE gay men, and I have no problem at all with lesbian relationships, or however one states that a woman and a woman is just fine by me. I am in my late sixties, and I grew up in the era of calling people "fagots", and "queers", because that is just what we did. Most often the words we used didn't really give a lot of thought to the real meaning of the word...but I was guilty of sometimes using the "N word" as well.

Fact is....I think color in skin is GREAT. I'm married to a Hispanic woman, and I WISH I had some friends who were more minorities. I don't. I just don't socialize as much as I used to when we partied, etc.

Yesterday I saw two nice looking, young women walking on the street, holding hands; and I said to my wife something to the effect, "Why do I feel I need to say something when I see that?" I do. I think immediately they are lesbians, or maybe it's a throw-back to the day when women held hands often, and nothing was thought of it. I think of the European travels, where you are more apt to see that commonly on the streets. But I still pay attention, when no attention is really necessary.

I honestly wish there was no focus on skin color, ethnicity or sexual orientation. I'm fine with all of it. The day we can have EVERYONE of skin color, and it makes no difference at all, and have relationships that are mixed sexualities, same sexualities, and no sexuality at all are totally accepted and not worth a comment or attention; but that's NOT today, and it's not going to be for generations to come.

We have a few hundred years of prejudice to overcome in this country with regards to race; and the racists keep refueling the illness. We have a religious ignorance that is going to push the sexuality issue as being less than and threatening the "sanctity of marriage" BS. I don't expect either of these illnesses to fade in my lifetime.

I just wanted to state for the record. I LOVE gay and lesbian people, and they deserve the same rights and privileges that we all should have. I LOVE people of color, and different races. We are ALL beautiful and worthy of every compassion and love that we can afford.

It's all bull shit that we have to hate one another for these superficial reasons; but that's what our country is struggling with today, and will for generations to come.

It was a toaster oven, dammit!

Our species is so fucked up about sex...

(ooooh... is that a pun?! )

mentioned that my gynecologist was a lesbian. He said "I don't know what I feel about that..." and we had a discussion. It was interesting. She was considered one of the best gyns in the area and I really didn't see how that would make a difference. Once he thought about that question, he agreed with me.

Anyway, we were living there a while and two gals leased the apartment below us. On their move in day they offered us beer to help them move in. So we did.

A hour or two and several beers later my buddy and I were at the corner bar when he asked me which was I was going to (ask to attend the Cotillion,or perhaps a more earthy euphemism). I then asked him to count the number of beds we carried upstairs. It was less than two.

So that is my lesbian story for the day.

"I understand, I can see nothing attractive in men,"