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Jackpine Radical

(45,274 posts)
Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:14 PM Aug 2014

There seems to be some confusion about the Liberal Agenda. Well,

I discovered it in 2008. here it is:

THE LIBERAL AGENDA
I've been hearing a lot lately about some Liberal Agenda that President Obama is about to inflict on us unwilling Americans any second now. Well, this kind of talk scared me as much as the next red-blooded patriot, so I did what any right-thinking person would do under these circumstances. I rushed out and bought up all the 9mm pistol ammunition I could find in the local sporting goods stores. (In case you didn't know it, 9mm is by far the most popular round for home defense.) Turns out all I could find was 3 very overpriced boxes because everyone else seems to have thought of doing this before me. Well, maybe that was for the best, considering that I don't own any 9mm firearms.

Then I started to wonder--what exactly is this Liberal Agenda, anyway? I asked around and nobody down at the Dew Drop Inn seemed to know exactly for sure, so I started searching with the Google and whatnot, and I finally actually found a copy posted on one of those liberal socialist websites. So, without further ado (whatever that is), I present to you--

THE LIBERAL AGENDA

All NASCAR events will immediately be outlawed.

Alcohol will no longer be served in public places, but tavern and bar owners may apply for re-licensure to serve marijuana and effete coffee-based beverages.

Abortions will be available on demand for everyone, and will be mandatory for any pregnant woman who is not a card-carrying Democrat.

Gay marriage will be legalized, as will inter-species domestic partnerships.

All military vehicles such as tanks, airplanes and ships will be painted in rainbow colors to signify inclusiveness, and will be emblazoned with pink triangles.

Atheism will immediately be proclaimed the State religion. Anyone refusing to evolve into an atheist will be sent to a Darwinian re-education camp.

Illegal immigrants will be given preference in federal hiring.

Church services will be outlawed everywhere and replaced with Sunday-morning sensitivity training and yoga.

All guns will be confiscated immediately. People who voluntarily turn in three or more firearms will be awarded free surfboards.

All faith-based charity funding will cease immediately, and the funds will be diverted to the new Adopt-A-Terrorist programs that will be starting up in every state.
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There seems to be some confusion about the Liberal Agenda. Well, (Original Post) Jackpine Radical Aug 2014 OP
I could really get behind the second item on that list Cirque du So-What Aug 2014 #1
DAMN! I missed that! tech3149 Aug 2014 #2
Jack are you sure you should have posted this?.... socialist_n_TN Aug 2014 #3
Ron Paul paid me to do it. Jackpine Radical Aug 2014 #4
OPPORTUNIST!......... socialist_n_TN Aug 2014 #5

Cirque du So-What

(25,941 posts)
1. I could really get behind the second item on that list
Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:34 PM
Aug 2014

If there were an establishment like that within a day's drive, I'd be there every Sunday afternoon.

tech3149

(4,452 posts)
2. DAMN! I missed that!
Sun Aug 31, 2014, 12:45 PM
Aug 2014

It's sort of funny and sad that people create a caricature of "their enemy" and base their whole world on fighting an enemy that doesn't exist. Any time they are questioned on their view of the world it just shows that the "enemy" is that clever and cunning for deceiving someone as intelligent as their friend.
I think we have a choice. We can fuck ourselves into oblivion by viewing the world as a threat or fuck ourselves into euphoria by fucking ourselves for pleasure, sharing what we have with those that don't, assuring that event the poorest, most disadvantage might have a chance to be the savior of the universe.
If that's the "liberal agenda", I'm all for it!

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