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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI was taking pictures of my daughters. A stranger thought I was exploiting them.
A citizen encounter with Homeland Security and racial profiling. Not just an African American thing apparently. I do not understand why any American would work for HS. This encounter illustrates what lowlifes they really are spying on ordinary Americans. My husband says this HS dude would have been nursing a black eye if he had made any such insinuation to a member of our biracial family. I think my father would have broken his jaw. These are white men with little patience for this sort of racist profiling ugliness. Any one who defends it should be ashamed of themselves.
Washington Post:
But this year, everything was perfect. It has been an extraordinary summer in the Mid-Atlantic: mild heat with low humidity. On that first day of vacation, the sea was calm and the sky a brilliant blue. As I focused on the image in my cameras viewfinder, the girls stood in their usual spot against the railing at the back of the boat. I was looking for just the right pose often waiting for that perfect smile or pausing as they fixed their hair after a strong ocean breeze. I was trying to get just the right exposure and flash combination to bring out their faces in the harsh midday sun.
Totally engaged with the scene in front of me, I jumped when a man came up beside me and said to my daughters: I would be remiss if I didnt ask if you were okay.
At first none of us understood what he was talking about. His polite tone and tourist attire of shorts, polo shirt and baseball cap threw us off. It took me a moment to figure out what he meant, but then it hit me: He thought I might be exploiting the girls, taking questionable photos for one of those Exotic Beauties Want to Meet You! Web sites or something just as unseemly. When I explained to my daughters what he was talking about, they were understandably confused. I told the man I was their father. He quickly apologized and turned away. But that perfect moment was ruined, and our annual photo shoot was over. (Only after we arrived at our rented condo did I find out I had gotten a great shot.)
![](http://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_1484w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2014/08/27/Others/Images/2014-08-27/gates%20family1409170451.jpg)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/i-was-taking-pictures-of-my-daughters-but-a-stranger-thought-i-was-exploiting-them/2014/08/29/34831bb8-2c6c-11e4-994d-202962a9150c_story.html?tid=pm_opinions_pop
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suffragette
(12,232 posts)And by invested I mean the huge amount of $$$ that has been diverted from other areas ( mostly social service ones) to the security state.
Thanks for exposing the ugliness that is at the center of far too much of what they do.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)because they are with a person of color have much stronger reactions. Like the dad going to confront the HS guy. Many of us (meaning people of color) would let it go, I suspect, because we are used to people telling us we are being too sensitive or just imagining it. It is the white friends and relatives who witness the profiling who often get maddest about it. I think it is because it comes as such a shock to them that people get targeted this way.
LiberalArkie
(15,719 posts)ex A store owner who thinks that everyone is stealing from him is cheating on something.
The person who thinks everyone is lying to him, is usually a lier.
I wonder what the HS guy is involved in.
brewens
(13,594 posts)being cheated or screwed over. You really don't even want to see him come in your business. Sure as shit, he will complain about service, return what he buys or cause you some kind of trouble. He's about the worst fly by night painting contractor you'll ever see too. It's a wonder he gets any work these days.
MADem
(135,425 posts)On the one hand, not having a photo of "Dad" to compare to the daughters, there's no way I can see if there is a resemblance at all (just because we are biracial doesn't mean we don't have the physical characteristics of BOTH parents, after all) that an astute observer of the scene might have sussed out if he'd bothered to take a good, "policeman's" look.
On edit--the kids were adopted, so they wouldn't "look like" Dad...but still, the HS guy could have hung around and listened to the girls interacting with the photographer ("Dad, how many more are you gonna TAKE?" . Even an accent shared by father and daughter suggests a familial--not an exploitative--relationship.
On the other hand, the exploitation of Asian girls has been in the news lately, with Pakistani girls being at the forefront in recent days, but they certainly aren't the only nationality that have been abused, molested and trafficked, often at very young ages. Thailand has been battling this problem for eons, mainly because they say they don't like it while taking in small fortunes from sex tourism from perverts.
The piece concludes with this bit:
Ive been thinking about this for weeks and have no clear answers. And thats what disturbs me the most.
I don't think any of us have clear answers...but I think, even if we hurt feelings, we just HAVE to err on the side of child protection. If we have a feeling that there might be something amiss, we need to trust our instincts. If we're so afraid of hurting someone feelings that we'd let an abductor get away with a kid, that's what's really messed up. I'd rather be humiliated--and apologize--for my error than let a molester get away with a kid.
If something like that happened in my family unit (and it has happened, just not to the "You're an abductor" extent, more like a "Is that kid adopted?" kind of thing) you just have to reach for the INTENT of the speaker. Do they mean ill? Are they being obtusely or intrusively curious? Are they concerned for the welfare of the child? And then, based on what you learn at that point, use the event as a teachable moment, if needed. Sometimes, all people need is a little exposure to different types of families to start to wise up.
And....on second edit, after re-reading the article, I have to wonder if there was a "specific threat" in the area. Clearly, that HS guy was looking for someone or something with those binoculars...
Lastly, I think if the guy really wanted to put the point home, he should have taken a picture of the HS guy and used THAT to illustrate his article--after all, he's a professional photographer.
And I hope he wrote a letter to HS telling them how he felt about how this guy handled the interaction. I do think the guy could have used more training. It would be interesting, indeed, if HS wrote back and said "We don't have any people assigned to that ferry...." Now THAT would be ... weird! But it's not like people don't imitate police to make themselves feel big--Scott Brown's brother is in JAIL for doing just that!
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)That is what allowed a school nurse to lock me in a room in kindergarten because she said all "Indians" have lice to the teacher. She wouldn't even touch my head to examine. I was wearing braids that day (and I am part Japanese). She didn't mean to humiliate me, scare me, lock me in a room, and forget I was there until my frantic father returning from work tracked down school officials. I was alone in the school until 7 PM. Great teachable moment.
Such well meaning white people. Of course no people of color could be ever be normal to some.
MADem
(135,425 posts)We know the parents of the daughters are white because the writer specifically says that he and his wife are white.
The HS guy is referred to as "the man" but there is no mention of his race.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Wow.
MADem
(135,425 posts)See, I agree with HIM.
I think the HS guy was ham-handed and not terribly observant. I also think we live in a new reality where people are more aware of things--not just terrorism, but exploitation/human trafficking/kidnapping. It creates a tension. It challenges judgment.
You're essentially saying that the viewpoint of the guy who wrote the article about his personal experience is "wrong" somehow.
Ive been thinking about this for weeks and have no clear answers. And thats what disturbs me the most.
He has no clear answers. Neither do I. Like I said, I look at INTENT.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)I have every right to be offended by such behavior.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)MADem
(135,425 posts)This is a story about a white man photographing two pretty Asian girls for a long, long time on the back of a boat getting profiled.
And that white guy, he's not even sure if he SHOULD be offended. He doesn't know what to think, really. He's personally affronted, but at the same time, he saw the HS agent's point. He didn't like HOW the guy went about his work, but he wasn't sure if he objected to the guy ensuring the safety of his daughters.
All that is in the piece you posted. You're just focusing on the girls--perhaps because the father did a bit of deflecting to them--instead of focusing on the guy with the biggest hurt feelings, and that's the white guy with the camera.
Demit
(11,238 posts)I can see why GenericOther feels talked down to & dismissed by you. You keep "explaining" to her what the situation was. And you're doing it from the Homeland Security guy's point of view! You seem to think the "long long time" the father took photographing was rightly suspicious. Good grief. I mean, as I was reading your long explication even I was offended.
White girls get trafficked too. I doubt that this blundering HS guy is planning to go up to every white girl who is with an older man & ask if she is okay.
MADem
(135,425 posts)This is a story told by a man about how he perceived an interaction.
We don't have the words of the other guy, we just have the words of the white man who has never been a victim of profiling before, and who, when he was profiled, didn't like it much.
I'm not "doing it from the Homeland Security guy's point of view." That's my POINT. We don't HAVE his point of view. It's conspicuous in its absence.
Again, maybe you don't realize that NJ had a horrible trafficking problem during/after the Superbowl. They have been working VERY hard to clean it up. Maybe you are not aware that Delaware, next door, has a vicious problem with trafficking--HUNDREDS of "massage parlors" staffed by Asian women who are, face it, sexual slaves. They're in the process of cleaning that up but that stuff takes time. NY, another neighbor, has the same problem.
Until we hear from that other guy, we only have one side of a story, from a guy whose life experience doesn't involve being challenged/profiled on a regular basis.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)is blatant (and offensive) stereotyping? I think that was more Generic's point.
MADem
(135,425 posts)That HE was a criminal, not the children.
See? It's all in the perspective.
There is no shame in being a VICTIM. There's no criminality in being victimized, either. I mean, really--don't say anything because you might hurt that potential VICTIM's feelings? Come on!
Everyone's assuming the HS guy was white, aren't they...What if he wasn't white? What if he was black? Brown? Asian?
We don't know the guy's color. I have to wonder if a non-white guy profiling a white guy interacting with two young girls would go over better...or worse?
The father sure didn't LIKE what happened, but he's not on the "blatant and offensive stereotyping" bus--after reflection he really is NOT sure how to process it, either:
Ive been thinking about this for weeks and have no clear answers. And thats what disturbs me the most.
I'll bet the family members of Kitty Genovese wish that someone had gotten over their "fear of getting involved." Sometimes, when it comes down to the welfare of a person, you have to take the risk, and err on the side of protecting what might be a vulnerable person. And if you're wrong, do what this HS guy did--apologize. The other choice is MYOB--people did that when they saw Elizabeth Smart being led around in public by her captors for months. I'll bet there are a few folks who feel badly about that.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)As this case shows, even white people aren't immune to profiling, or negative assumptions.
If you consider that a necessary evil, then fine. I was just making the point.
MADem
(135,425 posts)If you are looking for a five foot two white guy in a red shirt who is suspected of robbing that bank, you aren't going to stop that elderly brown grandmother and give her the third degree.
Middle aged guys are frequent patrons of places like this: http://www.atlanticcityasianescorts.com/
Again, we do not know what the HS guy saw. Maybe while dear old dad was fiddling with his camera, the girls were scowling and frowning and looking like they wanted to be anywhere but there. There might have been more pouting happening than Dad is telling us. We have no way of knowing.
If we could hear from the HS guy, personally, and not through the filter of the father (who naturally doesn't want to make himself look bad) we might get a bit more perspective.
The guy asked one question--a bit ham-handedly, but it was just one question, and when he got an answer that made sense, he apologized and backed off. Would that everyone who gets profiled only have to deal with one question, followed by an "Oh sorry" and the profiler going away....
iemitsu
(3,888 posts)implications this HS officer made. He was out of line.
I wonder if he was on duty, harassing tourists on the ferry or if he was so intrusive, into other American's private/public behavior, on his own time? If on duty, that is what a HS job entails? Sounds like easy money, ride the ferry while fantasizing about saving the world.
And what sort of security threat does a man taking pictures of his daughters pose? Or is it somehow threatening, to our national security, for a man to take pictures of two young Asian women? Were they being posed in front of buildings, vital to our security (as in the cameraman casing the place)?
How is asking young women if they feel comfortable having their pictures taken, by an older white guy, going to further our national interests or security?
What a waste of our tax dollars.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)But don't worry. Cops never lie. Minorities have nothing to fear. Mike Brown wasn't murdered by a racist cop.
iemitsu
(3,888 posts)Yes, these are the rules in the new police state. Regular citizens need not be curious, people are hire people to do that job for us.
Relax, you are in good hands.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)treestar
(82,383 posts)Why does the father let this "ruin" the annual photo shoot forever? People just end up being in the wrong sometimes. And condemning the entire DHS and all LEO over this one mistake is really going overboard.
Don't catch one of the real cases and the DHS gets condemned for that too. Of course they will sometimes investigate and find nothing there. Humans make mistakes, and that's always going to be the case.
And right, he should have asked for the card. If the guy truly did wrong, he'll do it again maybe. Maybe he needs more training or to be let go due to incompetence and ignoring what are more likely to be real threats.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)So all people of color should just expect to be profiled forever? And should not let it ruin their day? OK. I will try and remember that next time someone asks me if I am a Muslim. Or the next time a shop clerk whispers when I walk past "Watch her. That kind always shoplifts." Or when I am the last served when I was the first in line. Yeah, I will try not to let it "ruin" my day by being so sensitive.
Rex
(65,616 posts)and I think I know why.
treestar
(82,383 posts)Or if there is nonwhite women are equally, not disproportionately, victimized by it. He's looking at the victims here.
I think if there were a "real" case and some guy got away with it, you'd be condemning LEO for not going after them fast enough, because if only the victims were white, they would have.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)involved in sex traffic in the US. The numbers I have found lump all trafficked individuals from all nations together (14K to 17K per year). 46 % are sex workers. The others do domestic, sweat shop, etc. The numbers are relatively low considering what a panic there is to rescue every Asian girl on the Jersey Shore.
MADem
(135,425 posts)He doesn't have that thick skin that comes from long experience with sideways glances and "What is 'that one' UP to over there?" or that thing that happens with the room going quiet when he walks in while everyone pretends to not look but they're looking nonetheless. If he grew up with that, he'd have shaken this off like nothing but a thing by now.
I think, if the dad's account is accurate and is telling the whole story, that the HS guy might have been, as I said, an OAF. But I'd love to hear his side of it, too, just to be sure.
I've been prejudged, and it ain't fun. If we're going to object to the judging of dad in this scenario, it would be helpful to hear WHY the HS guy thought it was important to butt in; what did he see that raised his suspicions, precisely?
I do agree that if dad lets this "ruin" his annual photo shoot, he's allowing some misguided slob to direct and control his destiny. And maybe he DOES need to grow some of that thick skin.
treestar
(82,383 posts)sometimes there is crime committed by nonwhite people. I think it is more of a problem that he might have said nothing had the girls been white (we'll never know). But geez, had there been something there, then it would be wrong to have ignored it and we'd hear how racist that was, too.
MADem
(135,425 posts)non-caucasian people, too, at least at the outset. He was plainly concerned with Sister Ping style human trafficking, according to the father. The father said as much, that he thought his daughters might have been victims of that.
That kind of thing, when it is coming out of China, originates there and is facilitated in Chinese communities here in USA and other countries. The "buyers" of the human victims can be of all colors of the rainbow, to include, most certainly, white people.
RandySF
(58,900 posts)It doesn't matter if there are no other seats left. If you are male, and you sit next to a female, you MUST be trying to be a creep.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Unless of course you leer before you sit or put hands on your seatmate. A "Pardon me" is nice for anyone to say before they plunk down, but not mandatory. Busy yourself with your book or newspaper, or personal device, and don't treat the encounter as Speed Dating. If you do that, no one is going to insinuate that you have designs on anyone, male or female, in your immediate area.
However, if the car is empty save that one woman in it, and you sit next to the one woman, yeah, I'd call CREEP on that.
Don't look for trouble. My wise old gran told me if I don't look for trouble it won't find me.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)![](/emoticons/shrug.gif)
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)You're talking about a man and two teenage girls, doing nothing wrong in broad daylight.
If someone sees something wrong with that, then they should probably be looking in the mirror to find the problem.
I don't see why this jackass needs excuses made for his nosy, rude, and completely inappropriate intrusion.
The way the alleged DHS officer deflected the father's objections and continued to criticize the father's behavior even after it was established that the DHS guy was wrong makes him sound like a bullying authoritarian wingnut. Fuck that guy.
MADem
(135,425 posts)The HS guy handled the interaction poorly, that is true.
He thought he saw a white guy exploiting two young girls. He could have verified that wasn't the case simply by using his eyes and ears, rather than inserting himself into the dynamic and portentously asking if the young girls were OK.
The father, as I have said in this thread, should have photographed the HS agent (and maybe published his pic instead of his kids') and gotten his name/card, so that his input could have been made a formal part of the story. Right now, we're only hearing one side of this event.
I'd also be interested in hearing how HS handles the training for this kind of thing.
Human trafficking IS a huge problem. Twenty million people around the world are victims of it. Without the input of the HS agent, named and quoted in the article, we only have the perceptions of the caucasian father who had experienced, for the first time, racial profiling--and he didn't like it much. Really, who does?
If you read the article carefully, you will see that the father himself had some mixed feelings about the encounter, as well. He didn't so much object to the agent's vigilance as his manner.
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)This guy should have minded his own business. I think the author was being too kind in trying to make a persuasive article, and that's fine, but I'm not writing for the Post, and I think the guy was a pushy jerk.
This kind of behavior isn't far removed from George Zimmerman. It's profiling from some random citizen who claims law enforcement authority but produces no badge. Unacceptable.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Who tells a story and makes themselves look bad? Who says "Well, I was yelling at the girls and they were being sullen and petulant, because I kept them standing there with the wind whipping their hair into their eyes for fifteen minutes?" When people talk about their family relationships, it's all happy-happy-love-hugs because that is, in our minds, how we FEEL. But it's not always how we BEHAVE.
I'm not saying he's lying, but his perception of his behavior might not have looked like what he thought it looked like. And NJ has just rid themselves of an horrific human trafficking problem that came with the Superbowl last year, and Delaware is still in the thick of one. The TriState area is rife with cough-massage parlors-cough where women are, in essence, enslaved. And yes, those enslaved, trafficked women are Asian.
Again, if he'd gotten the guy's name, allowed him to provide a quote for publication, we'd have a better grasp of the dynamic, here.
And if you did read the article clearly, you would see that the father himself didn't have any clear answers.
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)That's the second time you've cast that aspersion on my reading comprehension without any demonstrated lack thereof on my part.
I'm just reading between the lines of the author's attempt at giving this guy the benefit of the doubt, a benefit I don't owe him, because I'm writing on DU, not the Post.
I will say that I didn't realize the context of human trafficking in the area. It seems a bit odd to see it on the ferry though. Wouldn't it be easier and less expensive to move people on 95?
MADem
(135,425 posts)You need to just stop making that accusation against me--it's rude and hurtful and it is not true.
There is only one side presented in that article. That is simple fact. All we know is that the HS agent asked a question, got an answer, apologized to the family and departed the area...and then the father went and tracked him down and engaged him in a conversation (and we're only hearing the father's interpretation of that conversation, because the father, "ace" reporter that he isn't, didn't get a name or a phone number/business card).
Check out how many "Asian massage parlors' there are in the Cape May area. http://www.yellowpages.com/cape-may-nj/asian-massage
It is entirely possible that at least one of them might not be, er, kosher. I'll bet if you check into a jazzy Cape May hotel, and turn to the back of their little "Welcome" magazine, you'll find advertisements for escorts showing "come hither" impossibly young girls (who are, of course, all over eighteen) and some of whom are Asian. Places like this are still operating in NJ:
http://www.yellowbook.com/profile/asian-delights-escorts_1866168954.html
https://local.yahoo.com/info-33026558-asian-travel-escort-atlantic-city;_ylt=Au6yY3W1dXOYyuCK9sTPk_aHNcIF;_ylv=3?csz=Cape+May%2C+NJ&stx=Professional+Services+Sex+Escort+Services
and I don't think they're helping busy businessmen practice their Cantonese, either.
The HS guy asked a question. He got an answer. He APOLOGIZED. He left.
Everything that happened after that was initiated by the dad. Even though his WIFE said let it go.
I looked the guy up--he's a photographer/graphic artist who thinks both parties suck. I will be honest with you--he has the look of a guy (and we cannot help how we look) who would be central-casting perfect for the role of the sleazy guy who pretends to be a fashion photographer or a wealthy movie producer looking for new talent. I'd be worried, too, if I saw two girls being forced to hold a huggy pose for a long period of time, not knowing that dad, there, was a "professional photographer."
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)If you want to defend busybodies impersonating federal officers, more power to you, but no matter how convoluted your logic becomes, I'll never concede that it's acceptable for a citizen to racially profile someone who is doing something perfectly legal and legitimate in broad daylight.
And yes, your repeated attempts to question my reading comprehension skills are condescending with no quotes. I can read just fine, and did. I take issue with your defense of this fearful, profiling, likely wingnut. You are making excuses for the perpetrator.
MADem
(135,425 posts)and LEFT.
White dad -- not accustomed to being challenged -- hunted this man down and started an argument with him.
I do wonder if the HS guy was white.
Or not.
That detail is missing in this affronted diatribe about race.
I'm not questioning your "reading comprehension" at all but now I'm starting to wonder if you read the piece. That's a very different issue and has more to do with being thorough than grasping specific details.
Have a nice day.
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)The author made clear that the interloper continued to criticize his behavior when he defended himself. If you read the article clearly, you'd know that.
MADem
(135,425 posts)The HS agent approached the girls, said he'd be remiss if he didn't ask if they were ok, the father intervened and explained the relationship, the HS man apologized, and HE LEFT.
The father saw the man standing in another part of the ferry and went after him to give him a piece of his mind, despite his WIFE telling him to let it go.
It's in the article. Read it.
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)MADem
(135,425 posts)Apparently, what was "pedantic" to you was the article at the link, because you had some trouble getting through it, evidently--and I base this on your snarky comments directed at me.
Here--let me help you with the parts you MISSED:
Totally engaged with the scene in front of me, I jumped when a man came up beside me and said to my daughters: I would be remiss if I didnt ask if you were okay.
At first none of us understood what he was talking about. His polite tone and tourist attire of shorts, polo shirt and baseball cap threw us off. It took me a moment to figure out what he meant, but then it hit me: He thought I might be exploiting the girls, taking questionable photos for one of those Exotic Beauties Want to Meet You! Web sites or something just as unseemly. When I explained to my daughters what he was talking about, they were understandably confused. I told the man I was their father. He quickly apologized and turned away. ...
As I was telling my wife what had happened, I saw the man again, scanning the horizon with his binoculars. ... I knew Id regret not going back to speak to him about what had happened. My wife warned me I might be asking for trouble, but I reassured her that I would be fine. ....I walked outside to where he was standing and calmly (?? my editorial comment) said: Excuse me, sir, but you just embarrassed me in front of my children and strangers. And what you said was racist.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/i-was-taking-pictures-of-my-daughters-but-a-stranger-thought-i-was-exploiting-them/2014/08/29/34831bb8-2c6c-11e4-994d-202962a9150c_story.html?tid=pm_opinions_pop
So, let's review:
The guy asked a question.
The father clarified the relationship.
The man "quickly apologized and turned away."
And then the father went after the guy, who was elsewhere on the ferry, to continue the conversation.
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)You are right, of course. I neglected to finish reading your post and thought you had sidestepped the dispute. I apologize for that.
What doesn't sit well with me is that you seem to excuse the unprovoked intrusion of the one person, but take issue with the author seeking out the person who embarassed him in front of his daughters.
Again, I am sorry for being rude and factually inaccurate. It doesn't really change my objection to the interloper's behavior, but it was wrong and I was a jerk about it.
MADem
(135,425 posts)This man wants us to be left with a perception that he's got this fuzzy-lovey-dovey family, but even in his essay he describes the teens as "ambivalent" when it came to his little photography project. And he also admits that he was fussing and taking his time. To someone looking in from outside, it may have looked like the girls were being coerced -- the HS guy (according to the father) pretty much said it looked "off" to him.
Everything that happened after the HS guy left is because the dad wanted to challenge this guy. He had the view that this guy didn't have the "right" to even check the situation out. And even though the guy APOLOGIZED, that wasn't enough for him. He just had to continue the conversation, and he didn't like what the guy told him. The HS man, after being confronted anew by the father, was telling him what HIS perceptions were, and he apologized that they were not being taken well by the father. The dad wasn't satisfied and kept arguing with him. There was plainly an "unproductive" back-and-forth between the two (the wife was right)--and what I found really odd is that he didn't like the guy's "tone"--I guess he wasn't sufficiently servile in manner, or something:
I can see this conversation happening--the HS guy, after being asked, gave his viewpoint, the photographer didn't like it, the HS guy said sorry, and the photographer went after him again, trying to get him to revise his POV. The guy wasn't changing his mind--and sometimes, people just don't agree. None of us were there, and who knows? If we were, we might have agreed with the HS guy that it looked "uncomfortable." Sometimes things don't look like what they are; sometimes things look "bad" that aren't. Or we might have sided with dad. It's impossible to know.
It bugs me that we don't know the race of the HS guy. This article-about-race is sort of hanging on a thin thread that it's the Asian-ness of the daughters that precipitated the questioning, not the whiteness/middle-aged-ness/aging hipster appearance of the fussy photographer dad (though the father does later allude that all of that might have come into play). I get the feeling that many of the people excoriating this HS guy think he's white. Now, let's just suppose that the HS guy was black or Puerto Rican, or Filipino, or southwest Asian. I wonder if that would change perceptions?
People who are unaccustomed to being profiled, unaccustomed to being challenged, as this white man apparently was, get very offended and hurt if this happens to them. He took it personally, instead of seeing the HS guy as someone worried about his children's safety. He should try being black or brown, and being followed through a department store by security, being given hard looks in the restaurant, having trouble even getting a table in that restaurant, never mind getting service. Imagine that being your life, every single damn day. You get inured to it. He does bring that up:
He was racially profiled--he, a middle aged, fussy white guy, looked like HE didn't belong with those young girls. That caused him some upset; he's learning how the other half lives.
Look how long it took for someone to figure out that Elizabeth Smart, hiding in plain sight following along after her kidnappers, was that girl in that stupid costume, wandering around in public? It took forever for someone to notice, and see that something did not look right.
Remember this guy? He kidnapped a pretty teen, too: http://www.hlntv.com/article/2014/05/23/isidro-garcia-kidnapping-10-years-ideal-marriage
And this guy? http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/08/13/abigail-hernandez-abduction-teen/14000841/
Pretty teens DO get kidnapped, and they do get taken out in public and told to behave or else, too.
And, at the risk of excoriation, I have to say that the pic I have seen of this dad does look a little squirrely to me--I don't mean to be mean, but he looks like the type of person that central casting would choose to play the "killer photographer" who has an obsession with the young innocent waitress who wants to be a supermodel. He doesn't have an avuncular or Santa Claus look about him--not that THAT's any indication either (sometimes a creep hides behind an agreeable face), but if I am to be honest his looks don't help him.
I think the HS guy saw a couple of annoyed and frustrated girls, being ordered to hug each other for more than even a minute or three by a bossy, aging hipster, and for that reason his suspicions were raised.
Now, I don't mean to beat up the father--his feelings got hurt. On the one hand, that pissed him off that he was profiled as a possible pervert. On the other hand, he admitted that he had ambivalent feelings about the encounter, and was more annoyed with HOW the guy did it than that he did it at all.
But what IS normal and what is not? That is a question we're going to have to sort out as a nation. At the end of the day, that should be the take-away; not that one party or the other was wrong to ask... or wrong to get offended.
mattclearing
(10,091 posts)I don't have whole lot to add. I don't know that the racial identification of the person necessarily changes the basics of the profiling, which I think relied more upon the varying appearances of the father and daughters, which is something that was explored thoroughly 30 years ago on Diff'rent Strokes.
I do find it personally dismaying that people still feel the need to insert themselves into situations like this. It also begs the question, "what happens if the girls indicate something non-consensual is taking place?" How far is this off-duty officer at best/sudden vigilante at worst going to go in order to address the situation?
But still, great post, and I see where you're coming from.
MADem
(135,425 posts)--Arrested the guy and instructed the ferry Captain to send a crewmember to escort the young ladies to a space in the pilot house away from the fellow to keep them safe;
--Radioed for backup to meet him at the dock (they were on a ferry, after all!).
We don't do that noxious Rainbow Connection Alert System any more, but if that HS guy had binoculars out, he might have been looking at seabirds, or he might have been a schmuck on the ramparts against a "credible threat." They don't advertise all of 'em. No need to freak people out.
That whole area is very "port heavy." And there are lots of little inlets and places to hide--it was a great place during Prohibition for that very reason. People smuggling -- not just via container, but also mixed up with crews of sketchy vessels--has happened. Maybe they were looking for something on those lines, and that's why that guy was on the ferry in the first place. Or maybe they were looking for something a bit more violent. Maybe it was something they needed to look out for as they were departing, and arriving, or when they passed close by to docks.
When you think about soft targets, well...think back to the COLE. To be honest, that's where my head went when I read the bit about the binoculars...! I hope I am wrong!
The Straight Story
(48,121 posts)well, you get the idea. It's not 'normal' so therefore suspect.
I don't think any of us have clear answers...but I think, even if we hurt feelings, we just HAVE to err on the side of child protection. If we have a feeling that there might be something amiss, we need to trust our instincts.
And I can understand that and erring on the side of caution - but when that caution is fueled by fear (men might do x/y/z, if the kids with you look different, why are there two men with kids and no mother, etc) we have to wonder about how much fear/bigotry of others has overtaken us.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Everything that happened after that was initiated by an angry white man unaccustomed to being challenged.
That whole mess was less about the daughters than the father--who looks like a "Hey little girl, I can make you a star" kind of guy, not "Father Knows Best." Go on, do the google--you'll see.
Even the guy's wife told him to leave it be--he should have taken her advice. She saw what he couldn't, I'll bet--two teenager, sullen and annoyed at being required to stand at a rail hugging for fifteen minutes, likely telegraphing some discomfiture, while being ordered about so the perfectionist behind the lens could get "just the right shot."
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)comes across as. Just FYI - I'm not upset with you, just trying to be as honest as you were.
MADem
(135,425 posts)He saw a middle aged white hipster fussing and bossing around a couple of Asian teens.
Was he profiling him because he was white? Maybe. Was he profiling him because he was a middle-aged hipster bossing around two teens who didn't look related to him? Maybe. Was he profiling him because the teens looked irritated and uncomfortable at having to pose for a long period of time, and he believed they may have been in a coercive situation? Maybe.
This is why I wish we could hear from the HS guy--I want to hear, with his words, unfiltered by anyone else, what he saw, what he believed, what he was thinking. Unless he steps forward and does a WAPO article, we'll never know.
rocktivity
(44,576 posts)in the presence of any number of potential WITNESSES if he was up to something exploitative?
The man...(said), I work for the Department of Homeland Security. And let me give you some advice: You were standing there taking photos of them hugging for 15 minutes. I see. So we didnt fit the mold of what he considered a typical American family, and he thought my picture-taking was excessive, possibly depraved.
Did the ferry have a "middle passage" section?
![](/emoticons/banghead.gif)
rocktivity
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)A few years ago a few towns away a teacher with child pornography on his work computer was also going to parks and beaches and offering to take pictures of kids in seemingly harmless poses near the water or trees or whatever and people knew about his seemingly hobby. Draw your own conclusions, I certainly can't explain it.
Hell, years ago when I was about ten some guy wanted to take a picture of me feeding the ducks on the shore in front of my house. He said it was for the local paper. Well, I never saw that picture make the paper. Maybe I got exploited too.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)A lot of things to unpack here, doesn't everyone think?
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)if they defend the HS guy.
MADem
(135,425 posts)be wrong. Sometimes, though, they're right. If you're wrong, you're a jerk. If you're right, you're a hero.
This HS guy--ZERO
This teenager? HERO: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/07/15/heroic-teen-saves-pennsylvania-girl-from-kidnapper/
https://screen.yahoo.com/pa-teen-saves-girl-kidnapping-135857501.html
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Because those innocent girls were the ones being judged based on someone else's stereotypes and assumptions about "normal" vs. "deviant."
MADem
(135,425 posts)the article is all about how little he liked it. Those girls were being categorized as potential VICTIMS of abuse, not "judged" as sex workers. As the caucasian man being profiled said Racial profiling became personal that day.
If you wanted to take this a step beyond, you could file it under "White privilege" as well, in a "How dare that Homeland Security guy accuse MEEEEE of being a pervert?" The writer shifted this story onto his children, but that HS guy wasn't worried about those young girls doing something wrong, he was worried about that white guy spending fifteen minutes taking pictures that looked like they were destined for an Asian Girl Dating/Escort site. The HS guy might -- as I have said, repeatedly -- been ham-handed in his approach, but he wasn't judging those girls--he was judging their DAD. Their white, camera toting DAD.
This white man also saw the whole conundrum in the profiling issue. See, this shit never existed before, in the Leave It To Beaver era, anyway, because we only very rarely had "blended families." If you were black, your parents were usually black, too...and there was one of each gender, to boot. If you were Asian, your parents were "supposed" to be Asian as well.
Read, again, this white man's words:
This is a complex issue and anyone coming from a multi-racial, multi-cultural environment HAS experienced it before. It's not news to me, certainly. It is news to this white guy, who has never before this instance been a profiling victim. Well, he just woke up and joined the club. His membership card is in the mail!
Like I will repeat, I think INTENT is a big piece of the pie. That HS guy was clumsy and poorly trained. I don't think his INTENT was nefarious, but his judgment in how he ascertained that there wasn't a problem, and this wasn't some pervy white man who just bought two Chinese victims from a human trafficker out of a container in the port in Delaware or something, stunk on ice.
Maybe the HS people will see this article and work on that piece in their training. Maybe this HS guy will take a lesson, too. And maybe this white guy with his Chinese daughters will have a shade more empathy for the black guy who gets harassed just for being the wrong shade in a given neighborhood.
There's good to come out of these discussions, but that only happens if we HAVE them.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)and me a "victim" of sexual exploitation, you have judged me as something beside a normal American kid. So any Asian-American girl is seen this way if she is with a white person, right? Because we are all "Hey GI. Wanna good time?" Wow. Do you listen to yourself? What you sound like from my side of the racial divide? Even my white side is appalled. Of course, that doesn't count where this "one drop" racial profiling rule applies, does it? Your assumption that Asian girls are not normal American teens is what is perverted. OMG, two Asian girls on a ferry. They must be terrorists or illegal sex trade workers.
MADem
(135,425 posts)being "judged." There's no crime in being a victim. There IS a crime in being a pervert who exploits a victim, so anyone being "judged" as a potential exploiter is going to feel that sting. As the white dad himself noted:
This has nothing to do with "Hey GI" either. It's human trafficking--slavery. This is to do with containers full of Chinese people being brought over by snakeheads and exploited/sold BY CHINESE PEOPLE to others who will abuse them. Don't you remember the whole Sister Ping case with that huge ship? The containers of suffering people -- to include those who died enroute -- coming into US ports?
So you see, this isn't a "bar girls" thing at all. It's an HORRIFIC problem--and "Nahn Wun Wun" has just made it more of a challenge--but not an impossible one--to get past checkpoints. Our neighbors to the north are a bit leaky of late, too, where previously that was a rarely used point of entry.
Again, the person being profiled was the white man, and he didn't like it, so he wrote an article about it. And again, I say, Welcome to the club, bub.
When white people start feeling it, and they don't like it, maybe something will be done about it. At least in terms of how HS agents go about ensuring someone is a daughter or son, and not a victim.
Maybe.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Always nice to be talked down to for objecting to your family being treated like criminals because of what YOU look like.
MADem
(135,425 posts)I know plenty about racial profiling, I know plenty about being a target of it, and I know plenty about human trafficking. Those were the topics I was focusing on.
The one being treated like a criminal in the presented scenario--and I'll say this once more because you apparently missed it the first time--was the WHITE GUY.
The two Asian daughters were being treated like potential VICTIMS.
You do know that "criminal" and "victim" are not synonyms, so I don't understand why you keep digging at me about this and insisting that the HS agent was treating the daughters like criminals, when even their FATHER ACKNOWLEDGES that this is not the case. The father made it crystal clear that the HS agent thought they might have been exploited minors.
I guess I'm going to tell you now to have a nice day. I've said all I have to say to you on the topic.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)he is the victim not a CRIMINAL. Why do you think people of color must tolerate bullshit profiling anymore than any one else? When I see a white guy taking pictures of two children, I do not automatically say to myself. "Why he must be a pedophile. I better interrogate him." In fact, no one would dare do so. Yet, there's way more pedophiles operating in this country than human traffickers of Asian girls with American accents. Or did they have foreign accents too? You don't dop it because you don't have that right. Period. And if you do then you know what some of us think you are.
And yes, this discussion is over.
MADem
(135,425 posts)The person being profiled was not a "person of color." He was a WHITE man and he wrote an article about his experience as a WHITE man being profiled.
If the father had been a Chinese man, that Homeland Security agent wouldn't have said a thing to him.
His WHITENESS is what made the scene an issue.
Again, have a nice day.
RandySF
(58,900 posts)I've heard accounts of dads getting escorted out of the kids section at the library simply because they want to check out some books on the way home. I (a caucasian) got questioned by some busybody at a playground while my son was playing.
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)trumad
(41,692 posts)And if he continued harassing me I would have chucked him overboard.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)BTW, this is a WP article. I just happened to spot it, read it to my husband who lost it. He really overreacts to profiling because he has witnessed it happening to me as a part Asian person. It pretty much never happens to his cute white Irish ass.
I think many white Americans encounter moments of profiling if they have friends or relatives of color. And in my experience, I have found they got the maddest about it. That says to me that there are many white Americans on my side on this issue. They do have their hearts in the right place. That means a lot to me.
trumad
(41,692 posts)Don't really care anyway.... The guy was an idiot.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Insinuated such a thing about your relationship because he saw you hug her goodbye when you left her at college? Something tells me you would not have been silent either.
trumad
(41,692 posts)I said I'd toss him overboard...isn't that enough?
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)I would help pay the bail.
MADem
(135,425 posts)That was my thought, too...though there are a lot of container ships coming into NJ and DE and that whole smuggling business ebbs and flows--so maybe there's something happening on that score and they're putting HS people on likely exit routes.
I think the white guy with the camera should have done 2 things:
--Photographed the HS agent.
--Asked him for his name/business card.
Then he could have interviewed him away from the scene, and gotten a more clear commentary on the HS guy's thought process, or a No Comment--whatever. For now, though, this HS guy is "The Anonymous Other" and unless he comes forward and gives us his views, we'll never know what he saw that caused him to be suspicious. From this telling, yes, he does look like a clumsy oaf, but we aren't seeing what he saw. Maybe the kids were whispering like kids do and he saw something in that. Maybe the kids were sick of posing and tossing some shade at daddy and he misinterpreted THAT. Teen agers normally don't love being around their parents --they want to pretend that they are independent, so maybe their body language was being misread by this guy (who would have, if he was smart, done a little eavesdropping).
I have no idea what was in the guy's head, but we'll never know unless he comes forward.
ReRe
(10,597 posts)etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)i am the mother of children borne of a mother of western European heritage. Me: 5'8",green eyes and reddish brown hair and the complexion of the Pillsbury Doughboy with freckles and a father with heritage on the Indian subcontinent.
Since our children have many features associated with Indian heritage ... I have been the target of uncountable ("well meaning" comments of abject stupidity.
Yes, I am their real mother ... no I did not adopt.
Yes, I will show you my ID (at school) , when no other parent is asked to do so. No, it is not your business why i have used my birth name my entire life (vs a "married" name)
When asked what my children "are" ... the only answer you are going to get from me is "the most beautiful child in the world"
I could keep writing, but it is all the same
3catwoman3
(24,007 posts)Perfect answer.
When I have to check a box on the "race" section of any application/survey/etc, I draw my own little box and write in "human."
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)It is a form of profiling that is constant (and essentially never mentioned).
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)(18, 21/almost and 32)
The only thing I can say (and I have said it to my children their entire lives) .... people can really be stupid
laundry_queen
(8,646 posts)My aunt gets this all the time. Her 2 children, my cousins, are perfect clones of their late father who was of Indian heritage. They look nothing like my aunt. She has gotten all kinds of comments from "What country did you adopt them from?" to "Are you their nanny?" I'm sure there's more she's dealt with that she hasn't shared with us.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)My kids have made me a better person ... but also, having a multi-ethnic/multi-racial family has given me an understanding of subtle racism I may (or may not) have developed.
rocktivity
(44,576 posts)oberliner
(58,724 posts)Not sure why it was necessary to include those with the story.
GoneOffShore
(17,340 posts)Whoosh.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)Most writers tend to avoid that sort of thing with respect to their children in order to protect their privacy.
GoneOffShore
(17,340 posts)MADem
(135,425 posts)oberliner
(58,724 posts)That would be more informative.
Mariana
(14,858 posts)Is there any indication that he put the pictures online against their wishes?
MADem
(135,425 posts)meow2u3
(24,764 posts)and to get their minds out of the gutter.
tblue37
(65,403 posts)because someone had reported him as suspicious when he was walking home from the park with his young grand-daughter, who was biracial.
On the one hand, that has to be frustrating and enraging. Yet on the other hand, as long as the cops are polite and respectful, take no more than a moment of his time, and politely apologize afterward, perhaps it is not so terrible to make sure a child is safe.
It makes me sad that men get profiled like this, as though they are all pedophiles. This man was sharing a sweet afternoon of play with his grand-daughter when the shadow of suspicion cast a pall over their fun.
And yet children do get abducted, and we do want people to notice if a child might be in danger.
My main concern is that so many cops are so violent and vicious these days that such an encounter could all too easily turn into something ugly, brutal, or even deadly for the man, as well as traumatizing for the child.
I suppose the thing for such a man to do, just to be safe, would be to carry one or more family pictures of himself, his son or daughter, the son or daughter's spouse, and the child.
At least as a white man that grandfather had a reasonabke chance of surviving his questioning by the police. Can you imagine if he had been black and the child had been white or light-skinned? I shudder to think of what could so easily have happened if that had been the case!
MADem
(135,425 posts)some crap, too.
As someone said upthread--racial profiling, it's not just for black people anymore!
To your important point about police, I say, again, that I think they should raise the IQ requirements of police. I don't think good ones will "get bored" (as though people who are less smart can't get bored with routine), in fact, I think the smart ones will dig deeper and find more to do in their jobs.
A bit more intelligence might impart a bit better judgment.
I'm also in favor of temperament testing -- psych profiling for police. We don't need quick-to-anger hotheads in a job that should be mostly conflict RESOLUTION, not escalation.
tblue37
(65,403 posts)power mad bullyboy type that will abuse the marginalized while sucking up to the powerful.
Authoritarian "leaders" need authoritarian followers to do their bidding, no questions asked.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)Rex
(65,616 posts)We allowed the BFEE to create an Orwellian 'police force' that has only one job - to make sure they get a paycheck no matter what they have to do to get it.
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)... susceptible to this kind of racial profiling.
Because, what with all the beaucoup male privilege in our society, surely there isn't something else going on.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)I guess I saw the girls' ethnicity as having gotten HS's attention because we all know two Asian girls with a white guy means something deviant. Your point is well taken. It is also gender profiling. A woman taking those two girls' pictures would not have been questioned no matter what race.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)I bet a Mitt Romney type decked out in LL Bean's summer catalog would draw less suspicion than a shlubby, balding man with glasses and a few extra pounds.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)You just described a lot of dads.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)....and if the shlubby balding man has "attractive" daughters, the radar pings even more. "Well, shit....they COULDN'T BE HIS!!"
Man, the post downthread about the daughter being pulled aside and questioned if she was ok while hanging with her dad blew my fucking mind.
MADem
(135,425 posts)of old propaganda posters.
If he approached any young teen in my family and wanted to photograph them, I'd be very suspicious. Put it this way, he'd work as a "central casting" villain in an exploitation film. IMO, anyway.
A little googling will find his pic--one of those teeny fedora hats in fashion with the younger set, those modern thin square glasses that the youth are wearing these days, close set eyes. Doesn't look "schlubby" at all though; looks a bit like a hipster a bit north of forty. Balding? Can't tell with the hipster hat.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)I mean, hell, are we REALLY SURE those are his kids????
MADem
(135,425 posts)His BEHAVIOR apparently didn't help, either.
No sarcasm.
treestar
(82,383 posts)To have humans available to them like products. That's the only reason there is a suspicion in the first place. At least we are at a point in society where that isn't considered OK by the legal authorities.
Nonwhite men are more likely to be suspected - that's racial profiling.
Kber
(5,043 posts)Happened quite often to us between my 15th and 18th birthdays.
We are both white and look quite similar.
This was way before 9/11, so I can't blame homeland security.
My younger sister experienced the same thing.
Never occurred to us to be upset, just occasionally annoyed and a little grossed out.
I don't have clear answers either.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)So everyone's minds are in the gutter rather than racially profiling people? That's disgusting, and I can see why you would be annoyed. People seem bent on finding new ways to judge others, I guess. Sheesh. They need to mind their own businesses. The difference in this story is that that guy worked for HS. He had the power to cause the family problems if he had chosen to.
Kber
(5,043 posts)"Relax. She's my daughter." for his birthday one year. We both thought it was funny.
Ironically, between my original post and this reply, I happened to take my 17 year old son out for back to school clothes shopping. Absolutely no one assumed we were anything besides mom and son. Guess this is mostly a dad / daughter issue.
Or, if people assumed something else, they didn't see it as exploitive if there is an older woman with a younger man?
Lots of societal cross currents at play.
cwydro
(51,308 posts)Stopped by concerned strangers saying WHAT exactly? How dare someone approach you like that?
I've seen multi-racial couples or parents with children since I was very young...never occurred to me to think something odd was going on.
Kber
(5,043 posts)Let's see, my dad had one lady ask him if his wife knew he was hanging out with a younger woman (dad wears his wedding ring everywhere. I, being 15, didn't.).
I had one youngish man of about 22 pull me aside at the grocery store and ask if I was OK, or if I needed him to call my parents. I was extremely confused as I was with my parents.
He had the grace to be extremely embarrassed, as well as obviously relieved when I explained the situation.
I swear, we weren't acting any different than a somewhat bored teenager and a slightly annoyed father.
Maybe it had something to do with being a girl that made complete strangers feel the had a right / need to ensure I was being appropriately protected.
I think it was generally motivated less by judgmental impulses than by "soft" sexism. I also think it was generally well meaning.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody
(16,399 posts)How does your father dress? Does he have long hair and a beard and tattoos? Or is he a Woody Allen type?
I'm not trying to get you to insult your dad or anything, I'm as bewildered as you as to what would lead someone to ask these things of you. Unless the teen/child was crying, or being led around forcefully, or something like that, I absolutely can't imagine the nerve of someone who does that shit.
Some people have a template of a "bad dude" or a "perv" in their head, not by actions, but by their looks. This is ABSOLUTELY something men SHOULD be speaking about and not being dismissed if this is widespread.
fredamae
(4,458 posts)Dark brown hair and brown eyes have literally caused me to experience bigotry and discrimination my Whole damned life.
No, it's not one race.
I'm white. I have no ancestors connected to any these groups-at least as far back as the early 1600's-and yet because of my particular physical features I've been "accused and treated differently" of being Native American, Hawaiian, Inuit, Korean and Hispanic-so far. Because of these assumptions-I've been followed around in stores-suspect I'm sure of shoplifting.
The ONLY people who Don't recognize me being part of their greater families are these very groups! Ironic, ain't it?
I have been "kissed" with both verbal and physical abuses (in elementary school)associated with just "looking different" in America. I remember going home crying and not understanding why the other kids were being mean and calling me those names.
I know this happens a lot of other folks like me also. I'm grateful for my experiences for I am without doubt of how much worse it is for minorities. There is nothing Not to believe.
It all needs to stop.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Profiled for looking like one of us! Cause we all look alike, dontcha know?!
fredamae
(4,458 posts)![](/emoticons/hi.gif)
![](/emoticons/pals.gif)
blue sky at night
(3,242 posts)never been f'ed with by some stranger but the idea of capturing the moment and getting the flash to balance with the daylight is a real challenge for sure...nice job, and I hope you don't run into anyone like him again. BTW, when I do senior portraits outdoors (or indoors for that matter) I ask that a family member accompany us so I never have to worry about this kind of problem.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Would you feel comfortable photographing these folks? Or would you worry about what people would think?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/05/purity-ball-photos_n_5255904.html
iemitsu
(3,888 posts)JustAnotherGen
(31,828 posts)We were in Woolworths getting candy for a movie at the Drive In (I think it was Jaws) and I threw a temper tantrum and some well meaning woman thought my mother was kidnapping me . . . Until my dad came around the corner and snapped his fingers at me.
Helen Borg
(3,963 posts)Who talks like that in real life??? Was this guy high or something?
My guess: this guy is involved in such a ring or knows something about it. Perhaps he was just impersonating an HS agent.
Warpy
(111,274 posts)including alcoholics, rageoholics, tweakers, and other problematic people.
The member of the zoo I would most appreciate being caged away from the rest of us is the generic busybody, that person who is utterly concerned with the minutiae of everybody else's life while s/he ignores the disaster his/her own life has become.
The other members of the zoo would be a lot less problematic without the busybodies trying to tell them what's wrong with their lives.
tblue37
(65,403 posts)with adolescent girls. There have been so many widely disseminated stories about children and adolescent girls abducted by perverts that some people are automatically suspicious of any man with a child or young girl, unless they are accompanied by a woman.
After my divorce, when I was in my thirties, I was with my boyfriend, who was in his forties, driving down a street in a residential neighborhood. Now, when I first moved to this city in 1970, I was astonished to find that most residential neighborhoods had no sidewalks. Pedestrians had to walk in the street. It is still like that!
Well, that day, Jack and I spotted a toddler, about 2 1/2 years old, peddling her little 3-wheeled bike right down the side of the street!
I insisted on stopping to find her home and return her, but Jack was absolutely *panicked* at the idea. He was sure we would be seen as a team of kidnappers. I told him to drive to another street and wait for me. Then I got out and talked to the little girl to ask her where she lived. She couldn't say, so I picked up her bike and took her hand, since I didn't want her to continue peddling down the street, and started walking down the block with her.
I assumed her house would be on the same side of the street that she had been riding along, so I checked each house for a perhaps distracted mother who had not noticed her child's disappearance, but there were no adults at all outside on the block.
But I did see one back yard with the gate open on its chain-link fence, so I knocked on the door to ask if the child belonged there.
As it turned out, she did. The mother was young, perhaps 20-22 years old, and clearly not overloaded with common sense. She had left the little girl outside by herself to play while she did housework! I was right about the toddler's age--30 months old. I spent some time talking to the mother about the dangerous things a toddler that age can find or do in the back yard, even if she does not manage to get the gate open and escape.
I ran a home daycare for 18 years, so after helping to raise 37 children, and after dealing with a lot of clueless and overwhelmed parents, I have some experience (though back then I was only 7 years into my daycare experience). I explained to the mother how she could make a game of letting her child "help" her with chores, and besides giving them happy bonding time, that would also train her so that within a couple of years, she could actually be a real help. Furthermore, enlisting her help would also build a sense of resposibility and competence.
The mother was clearly alone and overwhelmed, and I had just rescued her daughter, so instead of getting angry at my "intrusive" advice and telling me to mind my own business, she actually thanked me and asked if I could answer a few child-rearing questions for her.
I spoke with her for a bit longer, then gave her my phone number to call if she ever needed to ask any other questions. She did continue to call me for information and advice, and we became, not exactly "friends," but friendly acquaintances during the 4 years that they stayed in this town.
Sometimes bystanders *are* obnoxiously intrusive, even when they really are concerned about the child's welfare--like the ones who called the cops when they saw a 9-year-old in the park by herself. But sometimes a child really does need for a concerned stranger to step in. I honestly did worry that the mother woukd be angry when I offered advice rather than just returning the child and leaving, but I think that my tone and demeanor made the difference. I didn't come at her all accusing and contemptuous, nor did I threaten to call the cops or social services. Instead, I spoke to her as if I were offering suggestions to my own daughter, so she responded as to an offer of help rather than getting defensive.
In case you are interested, Jack was so shaken by the incident that he wanted to just go home afterward instead of out to lunch, which is where we had been headed. Since I took a little extra time with the mother, he was freaked out, worrying that someone had called the cops on me. But he was afraid that if he came looking for me, everyone would be *sure* that we were kidnappers, so he sat there and fretted until I finally returned.
Now, I think his reaction was overwrought, but I think his concern was not. A male stranger stopping to interact with a child really is at risk of being accused of attempted kidnapping, and nowadays police reactions are so over the top that I understand why many men would be afraid to stop to help a child. But back in 1987, I think any misunderstanding would quickly have been cleared up without permanent damage to him or to his reputation.
ON EDIT: Nowadays I would also worry that after an inappropriate response, the cops would immediately go into CYA mode and charge him with something just to justify their own bad behavior.
treestar
(82,383 posts)Given the father's name, it's likely he's a white guy who adopted Asian girls. While the police and others need to be aware that just because there is a race difference, does not mean they are not parent and child, here it was the male being profiled - showing a rare case where a white man suffers it.
Raine1967
(11,589 posts)I see in this piece he considered it but didn't.
To be honest, what the *so called* employee of Homeland Security sounds skeptical to me. DHS has a lot of departments under it's umbrella. Simply saying one works for DHS could be ANYONE one of these departments.
I have people from the Federal Government knock on my door at least once a year, asking questions about a potential employee or job change. I ALWAYS ask for Identification. Usually it is to help with a background check. The first time it happened I Was a little freaked out. I was seriously like OMG, the FBI left a card at my door! And then I realized That they had some questions about a friend seeking work in the Federal Government.
That person should have showed not just his business card, but also a badge or something proving that he actually worked for DHS.
There was nothing more I could say, nor did I need to hear any more explanations from him. I thought about asking for his business card or his name, but instead I just walked away, feeling exposed.
If someone says they are a federal worker, you have every right to ask for identification.
jorgebob28
(22 posts)My Mom (100% Asian), yours truly (50% Asian) and my baby niece (25% Asian) were riding an elevator to a shopping mall when a Caucasian woman stepped in and did a double-take and kept looking at us three repeatedly. You could see that she was having a bit of a mental struggle comprehending the situation. Being the smart-ass that I am, I said, "You White people got all the colored babies so we got ourselves a White one". She bolted from the elevator when we got to the shopping mall floor.
Also, there was a news story about a local newspaper photographer of Japanese descent who was complimented for his "good command of English" by a Caucasian business person. The photographer responded, "So is yours".
iemitsu
(3,888 posts)the way my favorite half Asian person would have reacted.
I love it.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)I love your story! Thanks for sharing.
Generic Brad
(14,275 posts)I am caucasian. My wife is Japanese. My daughter looks more like my wife than me. When she was small I was stopped multiple times bringing her home by St Paul Police because they apparently wanted to make sure I had not kidnapped an Asian child. I was too confused to be offended.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)Because I would have blamed myself for getting my father in trouble. And felt bad about it. You see how ugly that is? And there are people on this thread who think the girls should not be upset by this interaction in their lives. I know many very sarcastic Asian American teenage girls who would have made that damn HS guy blush if they got wind of what he was implying with his stereotyping.
RandySF
(58,900 posts)I'm, well, not the most energetic dad you'll ever meet. So while my son was playing on some equipment, I was spent a lazy afternoon browsing my smartphone. Out of nowhere, a guy walked over from another section of the park, stopped behind me FROM BEHIND THE RAIL sectioning the kids section off and reminded me that adults are only allowed when accompanying children. My peace ruined, I turned around, pointed to my son and said "I AM accompanying a child". He simply replied with an "ok" and walked back across the park.
It's not a Homeland Security issue, it's creepy individuals whose minds dwell in places they ought not be in to begin with.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)I guess you should have dressed like the Von Trapp Family Singers in matching lederhosen!
I didn't realize the extent that this is a gender issue. I would have attacked any HS jerk who profiled my dad because of me. I loved my father who in my eyes could do no wrong. And I would have known exactly what was being implied. I have a very bad temper and a sarcastic tongue.
still_one
(92,219 posts)Generic Other
(28,979 posts)deviant not normal? That Asian human trafficking in the US is so common almost any Asian woman is suspect if she's interacting with a white man? Did I make it across the Grand Canyon?
still_one
(92,219 posts)and our daughter is mixed, and I haven't ever had that issue, then again I live in the bay area, but we have been to the Grand Canyon, and all over the country on vacations.
I am sorry, but if it was me, I would report the guy who identified himself as homeland security.
There are a lot of mixed marriages in this country
In addition, taking pictures in public, what does this HS guy have for brains. A person up to no good would not be walking around in public taking picture of a victim. The whole scenario makes no sense. This is something this one person is screwed up about. Wouldn't be surprised if he has some mental issues
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)San Francisco is a multicultural city with many biracial families. It is not considered deviant. But that incident occurred at the Jersey Shores. I am thinking on the East Coast stereotyping and profiling of Asians is more extreme -- especially Asian girls with a white man. Why else jump to this conclusion as the first one? That it must be a some exotic sex trafficking. That is an odd conclusion to draw based on no evidence.
The Grand Canyon crack was my lame attempt to suggest the leap was mighty extreme! Imaginary panic about hordes of Asian girls being trafficked in America. Gees, that crap talk sounds familiar. Mostly relegated to the past, I thought, but apparently not among the HS paranoid schizo crowd.
MADem
(135,425 posts)He didn't ask for his name. He approached the HS man AFTER the HS man apologized and left the area.
This is only the father's version of events; the HS man isn't given an opportunity to rebut.
We don't even know what race the HS man was, either.
still_one
(92,219 posts)cyberswede
(26,117 posts)On the other hand, if there were girls or young women in jeopardy, I can see how making sure they were "ok" would be a good thing.
When I was in college, my boyfriend and I were snuggling under a blanket on the front porch couch late one night. A police cruiser stopped, shined the spot on us, and asked me if I was ok.
I said I was, and he moved on.
My bf and I were annoyed at first, but then realized that there could be a scenario in which a woman in a similar situation might NOT be ok. The cop had no way of knowing we were a couple who lived together at the house - it's entirely plausible that a female college student could be in that situation without benefit of her faculties, and could actually be in jeopardy. Our slight inconvenience seemed trivial, in comparison.
That said, not being a person if color, it's entirely possible that I'm only considering my experience from a position of privilege, and I'm ignorant of how the same situation might feel if I were a minority.
frogmarch
(12,154 posts)Incidents like this aren't all that uncommon.
My then 8-year-old grandson, whos biracial, was riding his bicycle in front of his house in Omaha NE, and a cop pulled him over and asked him where hed found the bike. My grandson said it was his bike. The cop wanted to know where he lived. My grandson pointed across the street, at his house. The cop made him walk with him with the bicycle to the door, and he rang the doorbell and asked my son, not if the child was his son, but if this colored kid belonged to him.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)And those kids are effected by these encounters. Way more than some on this thread understand. Thanks for sharing this painful incident.
Just like our president, right? He has put up with a fair amount of this sort of crap. IMO.
benld74
(9,904 posts)geez, some [people,,,,,
LittleBlue
(10,362 posts)He's really lucky the father wasn't a violent type.
When I see Asian girls with a white parent, I just assume they're adopted or the other parent is Asian. So many Chinese have been adopted by white Americans that it's becoming more common to see while out and about.
ncjustice80
(948 posts)Someone needs to check their privelege- instead complaining about how his other family members would "break his jaw" (what a violent family you must have), this is instead a teachable moment about what people of color experience every.damn.day.
On the flipside, I don t see why an officer is talking to someone without "probable cause." He should sue DHS and try to get that officer arrested for false imprisonment and harrassement.
Generic Other
(28,979 posts)This article is from the NYTimes -- not my life. And yes, my father would not have liked some jerky white man insinuating his daughter was an exploited sex worker based on stereotyping of Asian girls as exotics rather than normal. He would have forcefully reminded said person to mind his own business. Especially if he had a history of dealing with bigots.
Doctor_J
(36,392 posts)kwassa
(23,340 posts)We did get a little stink-eye, but no problems, on that ferry. My wife is black, too, so they thought the daughter was ours, which she is. She is also adopted.
Multi-racial families are getting incredibly common, so there are fewer and fewer than have never encountered them before . This is a very minor incident, and I would give props to the concerned gentleman for being concerned and being fairly diplomatic about it.
We should all watch out for each other.
MADem
(135,425 posts)ncjustice80
(948 posts)Mind is own damn business.
MADem
(135,425 posts)LibertyLover
(4,788 posts)Our daughter is adopted from China. At the time of the incident she was 3 or 4. We had gone to Sam's to get dog food and a few other things that even for a small family are useful in bulk. The kidlet loved shopping but didn't like waiting in lines, so the minute we got into the check-out line she began to act up. I suggested to my husband that he take her to the car and I'd handle paying. He agreed and took her hand and out they walked. A few minutes later I got to the car to find him still obviously furious. I figured it was because our daughter had done something - his back was hurting and when he's in pain he has no patience for anything. It turned out however that no, it was that some idiot had confronted him as he walked her to the car. Apparently she was still acting up a bit and the confronter determined that my husband was trying to abduct her. My husband told him to mind his own business, got to the Jeep, opened the back and the kid climbed in, happy to be back with her toys. She immediately stopped crying, started playing and crawling all over her daddy. But the confronter was still not convinced and told my husband he was going to call the police. My husband told him to go right ahead because he had a copy of her birth certificate in his wallet and would be delighted to show it to the cops. That ended the situation, but my husband was still furious when I got to the car. And yes, I carry a copy of my marriage license, because I did not take my husband's last name, and my daughter's birth certificate, because I don't look anything like her. It's just in case.