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LiberalArkie

(15,728 posts)
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 11:52 AM Sep 2014

Escape from Duggarville: How playing the good Christian housewife almost killed me

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/09/656002/\



Vyckie Garrison was once a minor celebrity in the Quiverfull Movement, made famous by TV’s Duggar family. As a devout, Bible-believing Christian and the mother of seven homeschooled children, Garrison spent 16 years, with her husband, publishing a newspaper for families on a similar path. Today, via a website called No Longer Quivering, she publishes resources for women leaving the movement. Recently she addressed American Atheists about her experience. This article is an abridged version of her remarks.

Whenever I talk about my escape from the Quiverfull movement, Christians immediately dismiss my experience by saying, “Your problem was not with Jesus or Christianity. Your problem was that you were following an extreme, legalistic cult. Let me tell you about my personal relationship with Jesus.” It can be extremely frustrating. I was in a close, personal relationship with Jesus for over 25 years. But rather than telling you about the beginning of my relationship with this man, I am going to spare you the long story and skip straight to the break up.

The end of my life as a “Bride of Christ” came after a visit to Bright Horizons, which is the local domestic violence shelter in my hometown of Norfolk, Nebraska. I went there for help in filing a restraining order against my husband, whose emotional and mental abuse against me and my children had escalated to the point that I was in the midst of a complete mental and physical breakdown. He had taken 6 of our 7 children to a town three hours from our home and was preventing me from having any contact with them unless I agreed to his terms for our “reconciliation.”


At the women’s shelter, I was given a form to complete … I wrote three pages describing the situation in our home, and after reading what I had written, the crisis volunteer said to me, “The judge will not grant you a protection order unless you actually accuse your husband of abuse.”


Snip


http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/09/656002/



Edit

From one of the replies:
Early Christian leadership teachings on women:

ORIGEN:
"It is improper for a woman to speak in assembly, for no matter what she says it is of little consequence since it comes from the mouth of a woman."

TERTULLIAN:
"Woman is a temple built over a sewer; the gateway to the devil."

MARTIN LUTHER:
"If women bear themselves wear or bear themselves to death, that does not hurt. Let them die. This is why they exist."

SAINT AUGUSTINE:
"I fail to see what use woman can be to man, if one excludes the function of bearing children."

CLEMENT OF ALEXANDRIA:
"Every woman should be filled with shame by the thought that she is a woman."
34 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Escape from Duggarville: How playing the good Christian housewife almost killed me (Original Post) LiberalArkie Sep 2014 OP
For the people who don't know this isn't the woman from the Duggar show. Agschmid Sep 2014 #1
I don't even like the Duggar name involved at all yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #4
Same cult. Duggars are the public face dbackjon Sep 2014 #6
Whatever yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #8
And u seem to be okay dbackjon Sep 2014 #21
Wow! You are influenced by a TV show? yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #22
So you defend those that deny rights to others dbackjon Sep 2014 #24
You just want things your way. You will never be fully happy with that. yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #25
I want equality dbackjon Sep 2014 #26
I want it for everyone yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #27
That is absolutely NOT what the poster is saying. Agschmid Sep 2014 #29
I agree with this sentiment, but I don't agree with their life choices. Agschmid Sep 2014 #28
Yes, they certainly are. I have no problem liberalhistorian Sep 2014 #33
"Violently" anti-gay? Nye Bevan Sep 2014 #20
They may not do so themselves, but I doubt they have much of a problem with others doing so. nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #30
The Duggars are associated with Bill Gothard, a LibDemAlways Sep 2014 #15
One of my dear friends was part of this movement. Her husband turned her children against her jwirr Sep 2014 #2
Did she have to pay child support after? GummyBearz Sep 2014 #7
I think she did. The judge was their neighbor but apparently he did not see what I saw. jwirr Sep 2014 #11
Evil? Barbaric is the word i would use to describe it. Initech Sep 2014 #14
Good comparison. jwirr Sep 2014 #16
The Quiverfull "movement" is a blight. NuclearDem Sep 2014 #3
Interesting read, but the bottom line is emotional abuse as a way of life. Shrike47 Sep 2014 #5
Good article laundry_queen Sep 2014 #9
This was already posted Doctor_J Sep 2014 #10
Whoa! What's up, Martin Luther? Iggo Sep 2014 #12
Yes, Martin Luther. OldEurope Sep 2014 #18
But wait - there's more! hatrack Sep 2014 #19
You are right, but OldEurope Oct 2014 #34
Yeah, he was an evil bastard for sure. n/t nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #31
A little research on the context of the Luther quote Bavorskoami Sep 2014 #32
. . . Triana Sep 2014 #13
Raw Story should have posted Vyckie's picture instead of a Duggar. Here is one. madfloridian Sep 2014 #17
As I said in the other article, Vyckie let her husband molest her daughter XemaSab Sep 2014 #23
 

yeoman6987

(14,449 posts)
4. I don't even like the Duggar name involved at all
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 12:20 PM
Sep 2014

First they are one family not a group. The only thing most people complain about the Duggar family is the number of children. I happen to watch the show from time to time and find it fascinating. Not the choice I would make but good for them.

About this actual story. Glad she got out if she was not happy. Life is too short to be miserable.

 

dbackjon

(6,578 posts)
6. Same cult. Duggars are the public face
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 12:27 PM
Sep 2014

And you do realize that they are anti-women and violently anti-gay?

 

yeoman6987

(14,449 posts)
8. Whatever
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 12:34 PM
Sep 2014

Either you want choice or not. I never said I would want to live their lifestyle or agree with their beliefs just that in America they are allowed to have this lifestyle.

 

dbackjon

(6,578 posts)
21. And u seem to be okay
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 10:13 PM
Sep 2014

With the fact they are actively trying to impose their fucked up views on me


Why r u here?

 

yeoman6987

(14,449 posts)
22. Wow! You are influenced by a TV show?
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 10:17 PM
Sep 2014

Totally speechless. Why am I here? To fight for equality for all. Even those I disagree with.

 

yeoman6987

(14,449 posts)
27. I want it for everyone
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 11:43 PM
Sep 2014

I am gay. I want everyone in America to have the right to live as they please and that includes the Duggars.

Agschmid

(28,749 posts)
29. That is absolutely NOT what the poster is saying.
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 11:45 PM
Sep 2014

If you read it that way you are missing the point completely.

Agschmid

(28,749 posts)
28. I agree with this sentiment, but I don't agree with their life choices.
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 11:44 PM
Sep 2014

However they are theirs to make.

liberalhistorian

(20,819 posts)
33. Yes, they certainly are. I have no problem
Sun Sep 21, 2014, 01:58 AM
Sep 2014

with that and would not want to have such choices forbidden, any more than I would want the choice of abortion forbidden. However, the Quiverful Movement wants to enforce that on everyone, certainly the women. The women actually have little choice in the matter unless they want to be outcasts from their families and communities. They have no business trying to make everyone else conform to that lifestyle. And that's what the Quiverful Movement is all about.

Nye Bevan

(25,406 posts)
20. "Violently" anti-gay?
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 05:21 PM
Sep 2014

I didn't realize they actually physically attack gay people. That's appalling.

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
30. They may not do so themselves, but I doubt they have much of a problem with others doing so.
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 11:51 PM
Sep 2014

These folks are generally big fans of Leviticus 20:13.

LibDemAlways

(15,139 posts)
15. The Duggars are associated with Bill Gothard, a
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 02:40 PM
Sep 2014

so-called minister who has recently been accused of multiple acts of molestation involving girls and young women. The Duggars have not renounced their association with this guy.

Among the Duggars beliefs are what they call blanket training for small children. They train toddlers to sit on a blanket. If the child moves off the blanket, they get smacked.

Gothard also runs camps where boys and girls who question the teachings get sent for discipline and re-education. Several of the Duggar children have been sent, some more than once.

Things are really not what they seem in Duggarland. If the family seems happy, it's because Gothard teaches they must appear to be happy at all times. No other emotion is allowed. On the episode where Michelle announced pregnancy #20, one of the boys became visibly upset. His father grabbed him and firmly gripped his arm until a smile appeared.

If you look behind the facade, it's creepy as hell.

jwirr

(39,215 posts)
2. One of my dear friends was part of this movement. Her husband turned her children against her
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 12:09 PM
Sep 2014

by using her as a symbol of sin. They had 9 children. When she left him the courts allowed him to keep the children because the children choose to stay with him. Her youngest daughter did not even want to see her because she was mean to dad. I have not seen any of them for a while but last I talked with her she was still working to win her children over.

This is a very evil movement.

Initech

(100,100 posts)
14. Evil? Barbaric is the word i would use to describe it.
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 02:31 PM
Sep 2014

Last edited Sat Sep 20, 2014, 03:24 PM - Edit history (1)

It's just further proof that our fundamentalists are really no better than the ones we're fighting overseas.

Shrike47

(6,913 posts)
5. Interesting read, but the bottom line is emotional abuse as a way of life.
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 12:25 PM
Sep 2014

Us womens is the reason when things go bad. Yessir.

laundry_queen

(8,646 posts)
9. Good article
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 12:50 PM
Sep 2014

I remember Vyckie from way back on homebirth and vbac email lists. I think she has posted here in the past. I was a bit shocked at first to learn that she had left the movement (after her posts on those email lists) but I've read a lot of her blog - it's very informative.

The whole quiverfull movement is really scary. I've known a few other ladies online who belong to it. Without question, they were brainwashed. It's sad to see. I've known more than a few who have had difficult pregnancies and births, yet months after a difficult birth they are pregnant again. I can see the appeal - you get to stay at home with your kids, maybe live a 'natural' life, grow your own food, and so on, but the brainwashing and emotional abuse is massive, never mind the physical toll. Whenever I see Michelle Duggar on tv she has that totally brainwashed 'look' on her face. You all know the look I'm speaking of. And it makes me so sad for her.

OldEurope

(1,273 posts)
18. Yes, Martin Luther.
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 03:12 PM
Sep 2014

I visited a very interesting exhibition in Rochlitz Castle (Saxonia, Germany) about the women of the Protestant Revolution. And yes, the women were supposed to be responsible for the home and the family. Luther thought that the celibate is wrong but he did not reject the biblical rule that women are inferior to their husbands or chaplains. He wanted women to be literate and educated in all sciences for one reason: to educate their children and their parishioners to read and understand the teachings of christ.
At Luther's times, it were the women themselves (at least the noble ones with political and economic power) that tried to change the status of women in society. They admired Luthers works as a way to overturn the strict rules of the Roman Catholic Church that has always denied the rights of women. Their influence can be seen in Germany until today but you hardly ever learn about that. Because the science of History is dominated by males reporting about the deeds of men. So even I, a well educated protestant woman with strong interest in history, feminism, and justice, had never heard about those strong women until now. (I'm 56 now, and happy to have introduced this to my young daughter)
But, to be honest, I think at that time Martin Luther was not able to go that far away from the world he lived in to have accepted things like birth control or total gender equality. After all he left us a concept of religion that can incorporate scientific or moral development in the concept of christian values.

By the way: I'm an atheist.

hatrack

(59,592 posts)
19. But wait - there's more!
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 04:51 PM
Sep 2014

On the Jews and Their Lies (German: Von den Jüden und iren Lügen; in modern spelling Von den Juden und ihren Lügen) is a 65,000-word anti-Jewish treatise written in 1543 by the German Reformation leader Martin Luther.

Luther's attitude toward the Jews took different forms over his life. In his earlier period, until 1537 or not much earlier, he wanted to convert Jews to Christianity. In his later period when he wrote this treaties, he denounced them and urged their persecution.[1]

In the treaties he argues that their synagogues and schools be set on fire, their prayer books destroyed, rabbis forbidden to preach, homes razed, and property and money confiscated. They should be shown no mercy or kindness,[2] afforded no legal protection,[3] and these "poisonous envenomed worms" should be drafted into forced labor or expelled for all time.[4] He also seems to advocate their murder, writing "[w]e are at fault in not slaying them".[5]

In the treatise, Luther describes Jews as a "base, whoring people, that is, no people of God, and their boast of lineage, circumcision, and law must be accounted as filth."[6] Luther wrote that they are "full of the devil's feces ... which they wallow in like swine,"[7] and the synagogue is an "incorrigible whore and an evil slut".[8]

In the first ten sections of the treatise, Luther expounds, at considerable length, upon his views concerning Jews and Judaism and how these compare against Christians and Christianity. Following this exposition, Section XI of the treatise advises Christians to carry out seven remedial actions. These are -

to avoid Jewish synagogues and schools and warn people against them;
to refuse to let Jews own houses among Christians;
for Jewish religious writings to be taken away;
for rabbis to be forbidden to preach;
to not offer protection for Jews on highways;
for usury to be prohibited, and for all silver and gold to be removed, put aside for safekeeping and given back to Jews who truly convert; and
to give young, strong Jews flail, axe, spade, spindle, and let them earn their bread in the sweat of their noses.[4]

EDIT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Jews_and_Their_Lies

OldEurope

(1,273 posts)
34. You are right, but
Sat Oct 4, 2014, 05:14 PM
Oct 2014

I do not really understand why you are mixing up things. My post was not about defending Luther.
As I said: I'm not religious, but interested in history.

Bavorskoami

(118 posts)
32. A little research on the context of the Luther quote
Sun Sep 21, 2014, 01:51 AM
Sep 2014

You'll have to read through the linked blog post to see the context in which Luther actually wrote this. It's a little long but really interesting.
http://beggarsallreformation.blogspot.com/2010/04/luther-if-women-wear-themselves-out-in.html

XemaSab

(60,212 posts)
23. As I said in the other article, Vyckie let her husband molest her daughter
Sat Sep 20, 2014, 10:22 PM
Sep 2014

She's not a great person. Not at all.

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