Jokes from "Man of the Year" with Robin Williams

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Robin Williams had become president?

I highly suggest the movie "Man of the Year"


Robin Williams is Tom Dobbs- these are just random quotes but the whole movie is awesome and covers electronic voting/tampering.




Tom Dobbs: [quoting Benjamin Franklin] Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.


Tom Dobbs: Why would security guards pad down an 85-year-old lady with a walker? If *she's* a terrorist... well, then the ball game's over, folks.


Tom Dobbs: Why *vote* for Congressmen or Senators? Why don't we just pick those guys the same way we pick a jury? At least we'll get a much more interesting cross-section.


Tom Dobbs: [to group of reporters] I did inhale because I thought 'What the hell, it's lit, it's in my hand, I'll inhale it.'


Tom Dobbs: The president wants to pass an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Anybody who's been married knows it's always the same sex!


Tom Dobbs: Even in the face of tyranny, there is comedy. Remember those two Jewish commandos who were sent to kill Hitler at 12:30? They waited in an alley with guns, bombs and knives... only Hitler didn't show up. After half an hour came and went, still no Hitler. Finally, one Jew turns to the other and says, "My God, I hope nothing happened to him."


Tom Dobbs: You can't spend $200 million running for office without owing *something* to *somebody*. Those who can't afford lobbyists have no advocate. The Statue of Liberty says, "Give me your tired, your poor." Government says, "Give me your wealthy, your gifted, your endowed."



Tom Dobbs: People say Intelligent Design, we must teach Intelligent Design. Look at the human body, is that intelligent? You have a waste processing plant next to a recreation area.


Tom Dobbs: [at a presidental debate] You want an amendment against same sex marriage! Anyone who's ever been married knows it's always the same sex!



Tom Dobbs: HMOs will pay for your Viagra, but they won't pay for your glasses. So you can have a hard-on, but you can't see where to put it.

Tom Dobbs: The government said recently that we're cutting back spending, yet NASA blew $28 million to develop a fountain pen that writes upside down in zero gravity. The Russians solved the same problem with a 5-cent pencil... and after two cases of vodka, it's still writing.


Tom Dobbs: Soon, all of your appliances will speak to each other. You'll get on the scale and it'll go, "I've talked to the microwave; forget it, pal."


Tom Dobbs: I was always hoping for a Brazilian Pope - Pope Raul - just so we could have nuns in thongs and feathers. That would bring a lot of people back to the Church.


Tom Dobbs: [on patriotism] Why do we need a Constitutional Amendment with regard to burning the flag? Let's just make the flag out of asbestos. They talk about the desecration of the American flag and yet, online, you can buy flag underwear. I just saw my grandmother wearing a flag thong, and I was like, "Granny, I don't wanna know where Old Glory is!"... If it was *really* unpatriotic to question one's government, we'd still be British.


Tom Dobbs: [on the environment] The best thing about ethanol, or alcohol-based fuel, is that it provides you with a fresh alibi. If you get pulled over by the cops, you can just say, "My car's been drinking, not me!"... If you put enough chemicals in the water, you'll catch two-headed bass. They're good eating once you get past the tumors.


Tom Dobbs: Freedom of religion means practicing any religion you want, anytime and anywhere you want. Like being a Jewish Buddhist: all you do is sit and wait for stuff to go on sale.

Tom Dobbs: I'm obsessed with Angelina Jolie. I'd like to wet her lips and stick her to something.


Tom Dobbs: The difference between a stand-up comic and a rock star is this: Women don't rush the stage and holler at the comic, "This is *your* child!" No, if women throw their underwear on stage for us comics... that's because they need it fluffed, folded and back by Friday.

Tom Dobbs: There are roughly 8 thousand slots to be filled, 15 hundred of which will require Senate confirmation. Do we *know* that many incompetent people, outside of Los Angeles?



Tom Dobbs: What do I think of gay marriage? I believe gays have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.



Tom Dobbs: ...You know, Italy just elected a porn star to their senate. Which is wonderful, because that means no sex scandals - just great posters and incredible downloads.