Jesus H. Christ running a Planned Parenthood clinic, he even went ahead and named the seven-week-old fetus “Baby Ashley” to try to guilt this poor 17-year-old into opting out of an abortion. At least he didn’t call the fetus to “testify” on its own behalf, like the Ohio legislature did in 2011. Smash the patriarchy!

In the 1999 case, Judge Anderson actually ruled in favor of the teen, but two other judges in Alabama followed his lead and started appointing fetal representation for bypass hearings in their own courts. The new law would allow for not just the appointment of fetal representation, but for that lawyer to call witnesses -– boyfriends, parents, teachers, the godly neighbor who thinks the girl dresses too slutty -– to testify against her and her ability to make an informed decision on her own about terminating a pregnancy. Because what fun is a constitutional right if you can’t first bully and humiliate the person trying to exercise it?

Oh well, at least Alabama isn’t trying to hang teenagers for aborting their precious Jesus snowflake babbies. Yet.