CDC’s Frieden Reportedly in Good Condition after Brief Encounter with Ebola

Atlanta -- Surrounded with flowers and cards from tens of supporters, CDC Director Tom Frieden joked with reporters and smiled for cameras as he recounted his terrifying encounter with Ebola, “You simply cannot predict these things, it came out of nowhere.” Frieden praised the staff who attended to his needs after his brief encounter, “I am very appreciative of the friends who nursed me back to health during this difficult time. “

In its most dangerous phase, Ebola causes senior level executives to expel large amounts of bovine waste products from their bodies. Highly contagious, the disease is spread primarily through oral transmission.

Moving forward, Dr. Frieden vowed to hold someone else accountable. “Protocols were violated and rules were broken, we won’t rest until we find innocent victims and hold them responsible.”

Citing good progress handling the disease, Mr. Frieden said officials are experimenting with new measures including a 100% secrecy clause to prevent Ebola from infecting the nation’s most vulnerable health care executives.

Meanwhile, Dallas is moving aggressively against the disease. A spokesperson for the Dallas County prosecutor’s office vowed to continue prosecution against Mr. Duncan, now dead, for violating a little known Texas protocol against getting sick while African.

In Washington, after consulting with the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Department of Health and Human Services and the acting US Surgeon General, President Obama determined that the US lacked the necessary number of administrators to safely contain the single case of Ebola that arrived in the US. Ron Klain was appointed the position of Ebola czar, leveraging his experience managing awkward political situations.

In a statement released by the White House, President Obama said “Americans understand that victory against Ebola will not be quick. This war will not come without sacrifice. American exceptionalism will prevail. American workers proudly pay the highest medical expenses for the fewest benefits in the world. But we need even more. Together, we can win this thing. “