Terrorism 'Not Likely' Cause Of Fire At Local Laundromat

http://www.theonion.com/articles/terrorism-not-likely-cause-of-fire-at-local-laundr,75/

Terrorism 'Not Likely' Cause Of Fire At Local Laundromat

News • Local • terror • ISSUE 39•06 • Feb 19, 2003

EUCLID, OH—Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge assured the American people Monday that terrorism was "not likely a factor" in the fire that damaged a downtown Euclid laundromat Sunday afternoon.

"At this time, there is nothing to suggest that yesterday's Sudsy Duds fire was the work of a terrorist group, al-Qaeda or otherwise," Ridge said. "The FBI is conducting a thorough investigation into the cause, but thus far, there is no evidence indicating that this was a terrorist strike against our nation."

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We can say with a high degree of certainty that this fire was not masterminded by Osama bin Laden or any other such figure," Ridge said. "There were no intercepted communications between suspected terrorists regarding this laundromat, and no sign of chemical, biological, or radiological weapons was found after a thorough search of all washers, dryers, folding tables, and snack machines."

Added Ridge: "I would, however, urge the public to remain extra-vigilant in these times of heightened alert and be sure to report any unusual or suspicious activities they witness at laundromats or any other public place."

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This Onion piece immediately went through my mind when I walked past a TV with CNN reporting on the NYPD hatchet attack.

I mean, it's not like New York has any random crazy people living it. It's gotta be the terrorism!