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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI have a black eye.
I got into a fight last night with this big fat bastard who was trying to break into my home. He got a shot in but I ended up kicking his ass and he ran away. I got the black eye after I slipped on the ice and slammed my temple into the corner of the car door. I must not have been the first home he broke into, as he left a big bag of stuff behind, presumably stolen from his other break ins. It was dark and I don't have a description, but I found traces of red cloth and white hair strands under my fingernails. Keep an eye out for this asshole.
Update:
I just heard from the Ada Police Department that this EXACT kind of break in was reported many times last night and I was not the first. In fact many N.R.A members reported taking a few shots at this lunatic. I heard one person who said that "If I had a 30 round magazine I would have cut that sucker in half. But since I only had a 5 round mag all I ended up doing was shooting a few holes thru the walls of my kids bedrooms." Sad isn't it?
From AP:
"According to recent reports from the A.P.D. "This is not a 'LONE' perpetrator, but the work of a TEAM", consisting of one man and one woman. The woman, apparently being a prostitute, as the main 'Person of Interest' in these break ins, was heard, multiple times, calling out for the help of his 'Ho' according to unconfirmed reports."
People just seem to go nuts during the Holiday Season. This incident has convinced me to join the NRA and buy a weapon to protect my home from unwanted intruders. And I hope the NRA pamphlet explains the difference between -an intruder- and -an unwanted intruder- because I would hate to draw down on the WRONG intruder. I could probably find the definition under a subtext if I looked up the difference between rape, and REAL rape, but I digest...invest...divest...uhmmm....wait..... digress...yeah that's it...DIGRESS.
Merry Christmas Everybody.
P.S. It sucks that I had to turn this bag of goods he left here over to the A.P.D. As I looked thru it before they arrived and I would have LOVED to own ALL the crap in the bag. It's almost like I ASKED for this stuff. How strange is that?
A-Schwarzenegger
(15,596 posts)Hell of a story.
A-Schwarzenegger
(15,596 posts)Merry Christmas!
sharp_stick
(14,400 posts)Last edited Fri Dec 26, 2014, 09:36 AM - Edit history (1)
On Edit: Oooops...sorry.
is for lazy shits that can't shoot.
Maybe someone can tell the prick to spend some time at the range so he might not need to put holes in the kids rooms or the kids themselves.
The intruder you're most likely to encounter in any situation is a family member, the NRA pamphlet fails to mention that and they don't like it when you let them know.
RobertEarl
(13,685 posts)There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus.
sharp_stick
(14,400 posts)I had no idea that I was as oblivious as this.
seveneyes
(4,631 posts)Like all that got away, this too will eventually recur, eventually.
lpbk2713
(42,766 posts)Did that guy open up with a rifle inside his home while his kids were there?
Maybe in the dark?
OMFG
Edit: Got me.
House of Roberts
(5,182 posts)"If I had a 30 round magazine I would have cut that sucker in half. But since I only had a 5 round mag all I ended up doing was shooting a few holes thru the walls of my kids bedrooms."
If he'd had a 30 round mag he'd have possibly shot holes thru his kids.
msongs
(67,440 posts)petronius
(26,603 posts)rooftop, if you'd only had a rifle...
GliderGuider
(21,088 posts)Mention the NRA and a gun, and the knees around here jerk so hard that they destroy some people's ability to separate real life from acid-edged humour!
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)1handclapn
(105 posts)I got em for all 3 of my security systems.
NaturalHigh
(12,778 posts)Very little aiming necessary, and the bird shot I use won't go through the walls.
bemildred
(90,061 posts)JaneyVee
(19,877 posts)Just kidding, glad you're safe.
paleotn
(17,952 posts)NuclearDem
(16,184 posts)JHB
(37,161 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)ManiacJoe
(10,136 posts)Almost as good as the story about Santa's FAA test and losing an engine on takeoff.
Dreamer Tatum
(10,926 posts)To appear to be satire.
The Jungle 1
(4,552 posts)Ya had your way with me the whole first paragraph. The entire thing was some good writing.
Well done. Thanks for the entertainment.
Merry Merry
Demeter
(85,373 posts)Hope you needed all the coal in your stocking.
AngryDem001
(684 posts)Well played. And well written.
I had to read it twice before I knew it was joke!
Merry Christmas!
randome
(34,845 posts)[hr][font color="blue"][center]A ton of bricks, a ton of feathers, it's still gonna hurt.[/center][/font][hr]
sabrina 1
(62,325 posts)hobbit709
(41,694 posts)They'd have to get past about 300+ lbs of fur and teeth.