I understand and applaud what they are trying to do there, but I have a weird feeling about some of it.

A little over 6 months ago (25 June) I slashed both of my wrists multiple times and was running all around my yard yelling stuff about the war and my wife was chasing me trying to get me to calm down. At some point I vision of my oldest daughter and decided that maybe this wasn't what I wanted to do. The police showed up, pulled their pistols, and had me lay down on the ground of my side yard before they'd send the ambulance up. For whatever reason, I thought that was kind of funny. Here I am getting ready to blead to death (I was getting that naseus feeling, seeing spots, and getting light-headed) and the police were basically going to shoot me to put me out of my misery!

Maybe I shouldn't find humor in that, but in the moment I laughed to myself.

Anyways, I guess I'd be in that database (which might be a good thing).

I know from first hand experience that the police have no clue as to handle "crazy".
A part of my job used to be responding to jails when they had someone "crazy" there, and to educate police about symptoms and what they needed to do.

Education is desperately needed for law officers.

it's entirely possible dispatch might tell them about prior calls, or the officers could run the residence, and your record. You seem more stable now, so I hope you are recovering and doing well.

May I ask what you won the Bronze for?

I'm really not that much of a narcissist that I keep these things saved ready to post. I lost the certificates a while back and it took a while to get them back again. I uploaded to my photobucket accound so as to provide a safe(r) backup for them in case they might mean something to my family in the future.

The BSM I got as a service award (i.e. nothing specifically special, just a year of dealing with a bunch of crap in Iraq all rolled into one award). I always thought the ARCOM-V should have been a BSM, but it gives a better idea of the sorts of things Iraq was like for me.

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG]

My military awards are a really touchy subject for me. I hate that I was awarded for various parts of my deployment to Iraq. I felt that they cheapened my experiences over there. Oddly, as much as I despise my "awards", they are at the same time a huge part of my identity (i.e. my avatar).

When I read them or think about why they were awarded to me my stomache turns. I'm quick to post them on a semi-anonymous forum like this, but I've never shown my family the actual certificates and they have no idea other than their own conjecture on their part what I did to get them.

Again, thanks for your kind words.

Having read your certificates, I can see you were in some of the heaviest, nastiest fighting during the war, in an utter shithole. I simply cannot imagine the level of stress and terror you were subjected to. What your certificates tell me though is that you did not just fight---you cared for those in your command, and sought to protect them. Your awards reflect not just your valor, but your competency.

I know what it is like to keep traumatic events from those closest to one. It is a terrible burden--because you are saddled both with the trauma, and the secrets. I hope that you have someone in your life you can speak with and rely on.

Victor....be well. Remember that there are many kind people on this site who will gladly speak with you when times are dark. Even me....the misanthrope.