Aspiring Politician Hopes Government Leaves Some Women’s Rights For Him To Gut One Day

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COLUMBIA, MO—Worried that the remaining legal protections in his state will be fully dismantled by the time he can run for office, University of Missouri senior and aspiring politician Andrew Lipian told reporters Monday he hopes the government will leave at least a few women’s rights for him to gut one day.

Lipian, a 22-year-old political science major, noted that Missouri is already down to just a single abortion provider and has no laws guaranteeing maternity leave, which has reportedly left him concerned that there will be no statutes defending women still on the chopping block for his generation of lawmakers.

“When I look at how many victories the anti-abortion movement alone has scored these past few years, I honestly have to wonder which women’s rights, if any, will still be around when I’m elected,” said Lipian, who estimates that in the eight to 10 years it will take him to win a seat in the Missouri General Assembly, every law on the books supporting women could be repealed. “Ever since I was in high school, I’ve dreamed of stripping the state’s equal pay act of its teeth, but the people in office now may well beat me to it.”

“I just want to tell our current legislators, ‘Hey, leave a little bit for me,’ you know?” he continued. “The rest of us would like to have some pro-female policies to undermine, too.”
http://www.theonion.com/articles/aspiring-politician-hopes-government-leaves-some-w,37526/