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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums"God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule"
NEW YORKResponding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.
"Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand."
Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence."
"I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."
http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/#
I know, it's an old article, but I thought it was somehow timely again.
Rhiannon12866
(205,467 posts)And I agree that it's appropriate, yet again... Very powerful.
FSogol
(45,488 posts)J_J_
(1,213 posts)It's as if they haven't even read the bible they believe tells them to hate people
genwah
(574 posts)It's just the book they wave around when they're yelling at gay people.
NuclearDem
(16,184 posts)GOD: Thou shall not kill, okay?
PEOPLE: Okay!
GOD: Good.
PEOPLE: Hey God? We killed.
GOD: Guys...
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)If such a being existed I could never worship it.
gcomeau
(5,764 posts)Between the Old and New Testaments that God was laid off in a cosmic corporate re-structuring and replaced with a new God who was brought in to address certain public relations difficulties the organization was experiencing...
Or you know... something similarly hand-wavy and ridiculous to explain that away...
beam me up scottie
(57,349 posts)What critical thinker would buy such a ridiculous premise?
It's insulting.
yodermon
(6,143 posts)it is to laugh
Mariana
(14,858 posts)Laughing is a form of mocking, and we all know that is Bad.
7962
(11,841 posts)iandhr
(6,852 posts)PatrynXX
(5,668 posts)just don't mention his mother
rocktivity
(44,576 posts)The Twelfth Annual "You Call This NEWS?" Awards have been posted.
rocktivity
gratuitous
(82,849 posts)But the concept seems too esoteric for some of our fellow citizens of the Christian persuasion.
BrotherIvan
(9,126 posts)Because that is no longer ALLOWED!!! Got it?