Dave shows a clip of some woman having them "applied", snails crawling across her face, the audience goes, "EEEWWWW!", then he looks over at Alan Kalter, the announcer, and says that even Alan is doing it. Alan pretends he knows nothing, even tho there appear to be fake snails glued all over his face; he ends up falling off his chair in fright, rolling around in agony, and finally runs screaming from the studio.

The Pacific Northwest could make a killing off this fad. I've got gigantic slugs galore up here that would love to slime-up somebody's face, ha!

Eliminate the shell and get more slime for your money.
YUCK

"For just $100 an hour you can enjoy the exclusive retreat that is Chez DeMontague. Relax in our rain-sodden mud bath with a proprietary blend of egg shells and coffee grounds moisturizing your face, and let our 4 inch long zebra slugs erase the worry lines and crows feet, as they exfoliate your head with their tiny, slimy, puckering mouths"

There are slugs here I totally wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

Sounds like a good way to pick up a case of blood flukes.

http://www.cdc.gov/parasites/schistosomiasis/gen_info/faqs.html

Like the story wasn't bad enough already.