Roberts, Alito, Scalia, Thomas: "We Weren't Sober During Most Decisions"

Following the news of Ruth Ginsburg's candid admission of a wine-induced doze during President Obama's State of The Union Address, several other Supreme Court justices admitted that nearly all of their rulings had come while under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

"Citizens United?", Scalia offered as an example. "I was totally hammered. Thought I was gonna puke for a week."

"I was definitely flying during that one", volunteered Samuel Alito. "Shroomin' all the way."

"Me, too", Roberts pitched in. "But it was mescaline in my case. Never again, unless another case comes up that might be of that kind of value to our money masters."

"You weren't around for Bush v. Gore", Thomas advised Roberts. "We partied all night. I would have earned a DUI on the drive home but I was able to convince the officer it was going to be carte blanche for him and his brothers as long as we held the majority."