I am so sorry for your loss.

Death with dignity is very important and someone's choice although difficult should be respected.

Deepest sympathy to all involved. My brother had bone cancer. He begged his wife to ask the doctor to help him end his life. The doctor said he could not, but he administered a sedative, and Bill never woke up. My sister in law said "We have had pets that we put to sleep when we knew they were suffering. Why not people who have no hope for a normal life?" I am in favor. It take courage though, I will admit. I hope your mother in law is holding up.

difficult. An aunt of mine made this decision a couple years ago also. It was difficult but how she wanted to go, her wishes were respected and she went with love and in her own way.

I am a strong advocate also.

I'm sure it was very difficult, but having witnessed the agonizing death of my mother that still haunts me, a peaceful death with dignity and family and friends nearby is a true blessing. I hope that more states allow it, though I am sure red states will want people to continue to suffer.

Peace to you and your family.

You worded that SO well. I went through that with my mom, my dad, AND my mother-in-law. That sweet, sweet lady. Watched her mind go before her body followed. It was just so - well, YOU put it perfectly, BrotherIvan - AGONIZING. Broke my heart to see her fade away like that - she sure didn't deserve it. It broke my heart to see my mom and my dad - in extreme physical deterioration by the time each of them died. You KNEW they didn't want to be there anymore. You KNEW they yearned for release. You could see it in their faces - and, before each of them lapsed into a comatose state, in their eyes. And there was NOTHING we could do, except watch them suffer.

Much love and sympathy to you, brooklynite. I know from bitter experience that YOU didn't deserve this either - this kind of parting. It's just so miserable having to watch that play out, with someone who's that close to you and about whom you care that much. I hope the "Death with Dignity" option spreads. I don't want ANYBODY to go through what I had to go through - and I was the lucky one who just watched and attended, and reached the point where I didn't know what to pray for anymore. I could only imagine what it was like for each of them as they faded slowly away. I kept wishing there was a way to relieve their pain. My mother-in-law's mind was so far gone by then that I'm guessing she just had no external awareness anymore. It's more than anyone should have to bear. I loved these people. Their cases were hopeless. There was nothing more that could be done to improve or reverse their doomed condition. They were each beyond hope. The last thing I wanted for them was to have their suffering needlessly prolonged.

BTW - everybody: if jeb bush goes all the way, you can certainly kiss any such options goodbye that might be possible or gaining ground in your state. Remember how he meddled and forcibly intruded into the Terri Schaivo drama and dictated how her husband's misery was to have no release - and certainly no release for her, either. So much for that CONservative "get the government off yer back" BS.

her mind was sharp as a tack and her body failing her. Mid 80s, near blind, severe back pain and suffering from aftermath of stroke, and so unhappy (husband would not move to assisted living & she felt it her duty to stay with him no matter how we tried to talk her into moving without him). We visited her in the hospital a couple of weeks before the end and she was asking very clearly about my extended family members etc. She just didn't want to live with the pain/loneliness and basically she just stopped eating. It was painful to watch and I agree that people should have the choice to end their lives when it gets to be like that.

Such terrible sadness, I'm sure, and yet relief that he's not suffering anymore. My Dad ended his life violently, we never had a chance to say goodbye so I'm very glad you were all with him to help him through it. Deepest condolences and strength to you and yours.

With all the problems traditional lethal injection has?

I think it is awesome that he had the choice. I've seen to many family members have to wither away in pain unnecessarily, this would have been a much better option.

Seeing a person strapped to a table, unable to move. Waiting for someone to push the button so the poisons will flow into their body while a gallery of people watch.

You know...that vengeance thing.

How would you administer it to people that refused?

Now I'll stop hijacking tho thread and wait for a more appropriate time to discuss that.

From what I've read, Dr.'s and the pharmaceutical industry want no part of this and would not cooperate in the prescribing or distribution of these lethal cocktails. I think all the problems the prison industry has, is because they are coming up with their own lethal cocktails.

To but this concoction either

Your example of a rational humanistic caring approach to death illuminates a path for all of us to follow.

Thank you for sharing this here.

And I am glad your father in law was allowed to make his own decision as he saw fit.

He sounds like a man who knew his mind.

considering a similar law. I wish my state would consider such a law, but legislators are too callous to allow people to die with dignity.

Peace be with you and your family.

Peace to you and your family.

I think it would be wonderful for you to share your story with our State officials. I really hope NY's Death with Dignity Act is passed.

experience with officials in your State. With just the three States, those who are not located in one or able to establish residency in one of them are bereft of the option. Oregon's law has been in place for 18 years now, there is a large amount of data and testimony available from Oregon to anyone who is pondering such legislation.
Unless his very close family objects strongly, share his story because you can and not everyone can.

as he did, whether or not they choose to exercise it. He's beyond caring about his privacy now, so I think it's a matter of how much good you think you might do versus how much distress it might cause his survivors.

I am glad he was able to go on his own terms. I hope that for everyone.

the same thing, trying to change the law. Maybe partner with them when you do your lobbying?

You're stronger than I am. I can't imagine how tough the last few months have been for your spouse as well as you.

I too will be considering this, and probably before I'm 88 years old. Courageous.

Death with dignity should be allowed everywhere. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I also applaud your father-in-law and his family. That is dignity.

It was a godsend for him to go before he got worse. His quality of life was gone, and his dignity wasn't far behind. He also went peacefully....and his own way.

Please share this story. You don't have to give names or intimate details that would be a privacy concern.

story would probably be helpful, as it seems to be here.

the respect for whichever human to make decisions regarding their own mortality.

If a situation in someone's life offers little more than long term pain, ever increasing pain, no viable alternatives and no escape; if the human involved has been determined to be thinking clearly, carefully, calmly, and not under the burden of emotional stress; and has reached a decision to end their life: We should be obligated by our mutual respect to honor that choice.

If the word respect is to have any meaning at all.

Every state should have a Death with Dignity Law.

Brave for him to take this step, brave for you to discuss this here and potentially with state officials.

Peace to you, to your wife, and to all who knew your FIL.

I hope, if it feels okay to you, that you and your wife will discuss the situation with state officials as you mention. You could have an important impact on allowing others the freedom to choose how their life ends.

And I am very sorry to read this.

That is hard. I always read the threads you start, love your fighting spirit. I pray the journey is not as hard as it sounds and also that you have more good time than you think.

and to the OP I your father in law would want you to use his story so that all could have the same choice he had.

I am so sorry for your loss. This has moved me so very much. So very deeply.

I lost my dad on November 3rd 2013. He suffered with multiple health problems for decades, including Parkinsons. He ended up in a nursing home because we couldn't care for him and couldn't afford nursing care. He suffered. And he suffered. He lost his dignity. He lost his rights. He was in excruciating pain. And he looked at me, three weeks before he died and said, "Why do I have to die this way?" With pain and anguish in his voice.

Yes, please talk to your state representatives. Everyone deserves the dignity and choice your father in law had.

Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wish you and all his family and friends comfort in knowing he chose his own way and no longer suffers.

I have respect for him, your wife, you, and the rest of the family for the steps taken.

It's still hard so please give your wife lots of hugs, and be threre to listen when she needs to talk. You only lose your father once, and it hurts for a long time.

and so humane. he should rest well. do you think, and it may be too soon for you to respond to this question, that this course of action made the passing less painful for your MIL and the rest of his loved ones? last question: was this in OR, to my knowledge it is still the only state to have such a law?

peace and love to your family and you.

family. Thank you for sharing.

I sure wish it had been there for mine back in Sept, it was a terrible sight watching him suffer the way he did & that was with me "helping" as much as i could.

to have a loved one present knowingly and by choice move on. my husband made the choice to be taken off life support for a terminal illness and the doctors allowed him to say when. we called family, a few friends, and they all came to be there to surround him with love in the icu. he had been waiting for the release of a cd of music produced by a local group on which he had provided the bass and it had arrived that morning. he passed around the fifth cut. it was beautiful.

i encourage you and your wife to support such a law. dignity is important for everyone.

good thoughts

So many of us have watched family members suffer. My aunt was in her nineties and had lived with a colostomy for 40 years. She had horrible arthritis and was miserable but still as sharp as ever. When I commented on that she said "I wish my mind was gone so I wouldn't know how miserable I was"

We treat our animals with more respect and dignity when it comes to end of life decisions. I am sorry for your family's loss, but grateful to hear how your FIL's wishes were honored in such a dignified manner.

May I ask what state he resided in?

and he was able to plan, and properly say his good-byes to his friends and family.

Those are things that the vast majority don't get the opportunity to do before they die. Your father-in-law sounds like he was a wonderful man.

My thoughts go out to you and your family in the aftermath of his passing. I hope that the nature of that passing helps to ease your grief at the loss.



Sid

... my Mother and I had many conversations about Death with Dignity on the side of her bed as she waited and suffered out the time she had left. Her state did not have the law. She had to wait until her Doctor said it was time. She did get her wish of Hospice in her own home, which meant so much to her.

I wish you and your wife/family peace in this difficult time of life.

I have a lot of respect for that choice. I would much rather go before the onset of the devastating progression of the disease. Death is very scary, but watching your loved one wither away to nothing while still alive has to be worse. I know, we have a lot of cancer in my family. sometimes they go in two weeks, sometimes it takes a few years. I was on a clinical trial 15 years ago, I am still here. I think even my oncologist is surprised every year during my yearly checkup. the situation is personal, very personal. No one knows what you went through but you.

...that you are able to discuss the situation with state officials. Death with Dignity laws are important and if your situation can be and example of why, all the better.

I wish you and your family peace.

I'm a subscriber to Compassion and Choices newsletter and get emails from them regularly. I encourage anyone who supports such laws to go to their website and sign up for their emails.

<---- brooklynite

I'm also glad your FIL was able to make this decision for himself. I understand it could not have been an easy decision for him to come to, and the loss is still as painful for the family.

I wish you all the best in dealing with the grieving process, and I suggest you take whatever his wishes and core beliefs were into account in dealing with this in the future. Also, permit yourself to take your time before coming to a decision. Everyone effected is going to be raw at the moment, and our best decisions are not usually made at such times.

Peace and emotional healing to you all.

Even though we are of different minds politically, I fully agree with and support your post here. Condolences to your family member.

Yes these laws are vital.

and I'm sorry for you and your family's loss. May you and yours have peace throughout this difficult time.

But people have a right to make it suck less as much as possible.

Thank you for your wonderful post, and deepest condolences.

I hope he is at peace and all his family is also. I got to sit with my maternal grandparents and my dad as they passed and it was a good thing for me and I think for them, too. My prayers are with you, your wife and your mother in law.

hope I would be as brave as he was, as i do not want to suffer needless pain. Your family is very strong and i hope laws will continue in other states soon.

The guy went out on his terms, got to say goodbye, minimizing the physical pain. You and your wife should be proud of all you did to achieve that.

Peace from PLG.

of your FIL. I think each of us should be allowed to make the choice when the time comes. You said he went to sleep and passed peacefully and I know you're hurting but tell us how this "cocktail" works? I don't want, in any way, to sound disrespectful so if you prefer not to answer at this time, I will understand fully.

May he rest in peace.

so lucky...

May he rest in peace.... and I'm sure he is....

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