Our scene begins with Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Land of Enchanted Snowbillies), rushing past a sea of reporters. Take it away, NJ:

It was nearly midnight on a long day that had also featured the year’s first meeting of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, whose help Murkowski will need in her 2016 reelection bid … . But when I asked her what had happened at the NRSC meeting, the senator’s mind went not to strategy and fundraising, but to food. “It was Chick-fil-A! We always have Chick-fil-A!” she complained. “I don’t mind Chick-fil-A every now and again, but you know, here’s my deal: I’m really trying to eat healthier. I don’t know what they coat that Chick-fil-A stuff in.”

They coat it in the blood of Jesus, Senator, what’s your problem?

Anyway, it turns out she wasn’t kidding about Republicans being totes fucking obsessed with those greasy, shits-inducing sammies, which we wouldn’t eat with your GI tract.

Since 2012, when the Atlanta-based fried-chicken chain came under fire for donating millions to groups fighting same-sex marriage—and CEO Dan Cathy declared that redefining marriage was “inviting God’s judgment on our nation”—Chick-fil-A has become congressional Republicans’ fast food of choice, a culture-war statement on a bun. … Two and a half years later, the scent of fried chicken practically permeates the walls of the Capitol. Tea-party members in the House nosh on original chicken sandwiches and waffle fries at the Heritage Foundation’s monthly “Conversations with Conservatives.” Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, a longtime Chick-fil-A aficionado, has the chain cater his birthday lunch party every year. During late-night GOP strategy sessions in the Senate ahead of a potential government shutdown in December, Chick-fil-A was the hunger-reliever of choice. And while Speaker John Boehner prefers a glass of red wine and Italian dishes served alfresco at Trattoria Alberto, his office has dropped hundreds on Chick-fil-A fare in the last few years—though Boehner spokesman Michael Steel says he’s never seen the speaker himself indulge.

Republicans, such adventurous foodies. In two years, between 2012-2014, House Republicans spent 13 grand on Chick-fil-A, which, as NJ helpfully notes, would buy you 3,900 awful sandwiches. But hey, at least you would be paying for FREEDOM.