And weddings are now like coronations were then.

But 900 isn't bad really. Heck my nephew is going on May 2nd. The tickets are 100 dollars a piece. The limo is 600 (girls parents are paying). And everything else adds up quick.

Than these average prom dresses. A local church here collects prom gown donations and girls can go in, select a dress and shoes and even get their hair done for free. It's a lovely program.

and it was a very traditional lovely gown.. A store across from a new Bridal store decided to quit offering them and put theirs all on sale.. I found one that fit me and bought it

Thank goodness my daughter went to prom when teens weren't trying to look like movie stars at the Oscars. I did her hair and bought her some simple heels -- not expensive. Jewelry? I don't remember jewelry but if she wore any it wasn't bought for the occasion.

Dress
Shoes
Jewelry
Undergarments
Hair stylist
Manicure
Pedicure
Eyebrows waxed
Fake eye lashes

We didn't do all of the above, but some girls do.

When my kids attended prom a few years ago, no parents in their group of friends sprung for a limo. And no hotel rooms, either. Prom night, I had five teen girls sharing two bedrooms upstairs, and 5 teen boys sleeping downstairs. Two other parents "catered" breakfast. They all had a blast.

and boys in the basement. Their main entertainment was cooking pancakes and waffles in the kitchen.

I didn't spot any false eyelashes in the group.

Actually, of all the expenses, paying for a group limo makes more sense to me than a lot of things (and the cost can get divided up among the kids). At least you know a responsible driver will be driving them.

My girls got pedicures. Did their own hair and fingernails. The pedis were a real treat. I don't remember if any of the other girls had false eyelashes, but mine sure didn't.

If you think about it, other than a wedding, how many formal occasions will the average person attend in his or her lifetime? It's their one shot to experience what that feels like - to get all dressed up, looking beautiful or handsome in a pretty dress or a sharp tuxedo, have a really fancy dinner, ride in a limo, etc. The 1% can do that any time they want. Everybody else gets once, twice if they're really lucky.

Thirty-one years ago this month, my entire wedding for 175 guests, including a beautiful Galina of NY gown, strolling minstrels prior to the reception, a live band, cocktail hour, five course meal, limos, etc. cost a grand total of $2700 in Newport, R.I. Today, the dress alone would probably go for about $3500.

I think there are plenty of times women can get dressed up after prom night.

It's true that most men won't wear tuxes to those occasions, but the men I know aren't looking for a reason to wear one.

I dislike any attempts to criticize what poor people spend money on by people who have never been poor. Reminds me of the whiners who complain about what people spend food stamps on in the grocery store. There's a different mentality going on there. When you have enough money, you don't understand.

she said she didn't want a hotel (which would have been the easier choice for me because I wouldn't have to find a bunch of separate vendors) because it would remind her of a prom. I said that was the whole problem -- high school proms were supposed to be in gyms!

They don't do their homework because their priorities are to pay for prom--tux/gown, dinner, limo, flowers, post-prom party, and then they often go out of town for a few days.

Perhaps parents help out. Perhaps they don't. Haven't noticed any correlation between parental income and the edict that the kids are on their own.

Homecoming is only slightly less expensive, what with dinner, the occasional limo, the girls' gowns and the "need" that the guys have to buy ever more extravagant mums. (Mums are apparently a Okie/Texan thing.)

You can really see the difference between the upper 60% or so and the bottom 40%, esp. the bottom 10%. For homecoming, the bottom 10% scrapes by, the upper 60% goes whole-hog on the affair. For prom, the bottom 10% is still scraping along, but the upper 80-90% splurges. The kids that have managed to fake their SES for most of their high school careers are either driven to destitution or they're outed as poseurs.

Wanted to go to proms. Saved lots of money.

Last edited Sun Apr 5, 2015, 09:58 AM - Edit history (1)

In my day, homecoming was a gorgeous suit - with a corsage, of course. And you could wear the suit again!

I went to three and each one was special.

The money I saved is now being spent on her college tuition.

Proms to me were always something we were supposed to do, but weren't really very fun. The clothes felt like a costume, and as a guy I had little to no choices in that. Plus I wasn't into attending high school dances in the first place.

I think my prom attendance was more for my mom and girlfriend

never heard of 'credit cards'?????

Last edited Sun Apr 5, 2015, 05:21 AM - Edit history (1)

Got everything off eBay - perfectly fitted and perfectly sized Ralph Lauren tux jacket, $55, brand new black (what he wanted!) tux shirt, $20, cummerbund $15. He already had nice black shoes and trousers. He looked awesome, he now has a great tux jacket of his own, and he wears the black tux shirt with jeans and looks good.

which didn't exactly fit him to a tee, but that didn't bother him or my daughter.

He also wore a pair of someone's old shoes, but that was more of a problem, because the sole came partway off before they made it to the dance.

This kid didn't come from a poor family. He just took a more casual approach to the prom than a lot of kids. Luckily, my daughter just wanted to have fun and didn't care what her date was wearing (as long as he could dance).

It was a Jessica McClintock that retailed new for more than $300 at Nordstroms.

Still had the tags on and fit her like it was made for her. We actually saw it when she was a freshman and both of us loved it immediately. Decided to splurge even though she had nowhere to wear it at the time. By the time she was a junior and ready to go, the dress was there. Beautiful, elegant and classy.

I agree it doesn't have to cost a fortune to go to prom

The banquet starts at 7p, the dance 9p to midnight. Then there are activities the rest of the night ending with a pancake breakfast at a local park starting at 6am. Nobody is allowed to cut loose early. There used to be time (without the driver) at the drive-in movie theater, but itcwas torn down some time ago. There are no limos. The local Kiwanis club provides drivers and cars. (Small town America.)

Prom night (formal) at a local hotel ballroom

and

Graduation Night (casual) in the high school with music, dancing, lots activities, lots of food, prizes, etc. Last all night followed by breakfast in the cafeteria.

We'll go to DC with the money saved.

it will have to come from the kids to make prom uncool again


and good luck with that

My daughter didn't spend much and I think she looked gorgeous, too.

Nowadays, of course, I think all healthy young people look gorgeous. Too bad most of them don't realize it at the time.

with all the inexpensive slave labor / sweatshop clothing that is so prevalent in modern society.

Anyway, I don't sew very much these days, either. Too bad because designing and sewing is highly creative. These days, the most affordable way to dress yourself is to shop 2nd hand!

Teens are by nature way too self absorbed for their own good. At least, I was. I was a well-fed (not skinny) teenager, but I was cute anyway!!! I kind of knew it, but it was also embarrassing and way too much to be heaped onto a shy bookworm.

As a cute teenager, I was also sexually harrassed by older men, A LOT. I have a lot to say about old and older men sexually harrassing teenage girls, but I will save it for another time.

Anyway...... Cheers to your daughter for being dollar-conscious and still looking glamorous for prom night!!

Thankfully I went to high school in the days when proms were no big deal -- many people were going to protest marches, instead.

Very simple, elegant out of royal blue satin. Back then, just the cost of the cloth was stretch for my parents - one daughter in graduate school, another in college, me heading to college the next year, another daughter they were saving up to send to college.

I think about half the girls wore dresses they had made. With our excellent Home Economics teacher we were all perfectly capable of making our own. Back then all girls were required to take Home Ec no matter what track they were on.

(The next year Mom made my older sister's wedding dress and all the bridesmaid dresses, too. My sister had planned to wear Grandmother's wedding dress even had photos taken in it but it was decided that the dress was too fragile to be worn for the actual event.)

My date had a white tux he'd worn to his sister's wedding. His Dad drove us to the prom.

Our prom was in the brand new town Civics Center. In order to get the money to build it, the town had a deal with the school board that let the school hold events there for no additional cost. The only complaint was that the decorating committee had to spend more time and money to make enough decorations for the larger venue.

And the problem with me wasn't the sewing -- it was the fitting. I was a few inches too tall for the patterns, and adjusting them correctly often seemed to require talent I didn't have (or hadn't been taught). And material was so expensive I only made simple things I was confident I could do. (Yes, I know you're supposed to make dummy versions . . . . I didn't like sewing that much!)

I have always had great admiration for women who really know how to sew. Good for you and your mom!

Since I am long in the torso, the major adjustment was to shorten the hem. A classmate of mine in Home Ec was short but she was short waisted, too so we all got to watch when the teacher showed her how to adjust the pattern.

The worst problem I had was that I became top heavy early so I had to increase the bust size. And since we never made pants in Home Ec, I have never learned how to fit pants. I have a pattern I got to try to make some - the commercially available ones don't fit right at all and are so cheaply made it's not worth trying to adjust them. Even now that I am older and fat, I still have a flat butt from horseback riding. When I was younger I always bought men's jeans since women's drooped in the butt and hip. So this pattern is a man's version and I need to see how it will fit.

I still sew some, as you can see. Last year I sewed ten memory bears from my Dad's old shirts - one each for Mom, my sisters and all his grandchildren. I'd tried to find someone to do it, but they wanted far too much so I just did it myself.

ETA: Here's a picture of the bears:

I bet all the recipients loved them.

At some hospitals volunteers make them or there are people who will make them for families.

We had eight of the plaid shirts Dad liked to wear so eight of the bears were each made from one shirt. Then I took the scraps and made two bears from them. I even saved the collars and put on some bears, the ones without collars got Dad's old ties around their necks.

It had been a very long time since I had sewn anything but flat seams I was hesitant, but there was a YouTube video series of a woman making a bear from the same pattern I had purchased and that helped a lot. She showed how to handle the trickiest parts - the nose and feet, for instance - so I didn't have to figure it out for myself.

That was a funny video link, but not the one I had intended.

for households. the 50th percentile is 50K; the 90th percentile is 150K. It's quite posssible to be "not the 1%" and still be well-off; I wish the whole "99%" thing would go the fuck away, honestly, because the economic interests of someone with a household income of half a million a year are not the economic interests of someone with a household income of $40-50K a year.

are spending way too much on proms.

yeah, my math is bad and that doesn't average out to $900… but you get me point.

cost more than $300, which seems kind of ridiculous. But I'll admit I haven't priced formals lately, and don't plan to!

I just read about this a week or so ago, and I found an article:

http://money.cnn.com/2015/03/31/pf/prom-spending-poor/

get it all. Better the daughters going to prom will.

Sorry for the digression.

but I don't mind it a bit. It turns out there IS a formula for a wonderful, senior-friendly, family-friendly nursing home -- that will accept Medicaid when private finances run out. There aren't nearly enough of them but we found one very near one of my sisters.

We'd been caring for her at her own home with the help of 24 hour aides, but she's a much happier person now.

In case you know anyone who's looking for an elder-centered, non-institutional nursing home, there's more info here.

thegreenhouseproject.org

including the one my mother lives in, which isn't on their list. But the website at least shows what's possible -- what to aim for. A place where the individual needs of the elder take priority, not the convenience of an institution.

For instance, there is no wake-up time in the morning. Mom can sleep as long as she wants, and get breakfast whenever. Or a snack in the middle of the night, if she's hungry. The only time anyone has woken her up since has been there was for a morning fire drill -- and she DID complain about that!

distance, is the concern.

I'm not sure how long Mom's assets will last; we're in the process of selling her house now. Yes, she would have to get down to just a few thousand before Medicaid will help. And this home is very expensive for people on private pay -- but they accept the standard Medicaid amount for people on Medicaid, and give the exact same care (including all single rooms). It's a comfort to me to know that there will be help available if she lives long enough to need it.

I'm supposed to let the nursing home know when she only has a couple months of assets left so they can help with the application. Then they will wait till Medicaid kicks in. In other words, if the government is slow to process the application they will wait for payment till she gets accepted, because they know the government will make the award retroactive to when she became eligible (i.e., ran out of money).

It's okay with me if every cent Mom has goes to the nursing home, as long as it's keeping her well cared for and happy -- and this place is.

Distance would be a concern. If we couldn't have found a good place for her within an easy distance of one of us, that would have been completely different. Mom is where she is only because it's close to one of her children.

My daughter's both had part time jobs and bought their own stuff. I could barely pay the bills at the time, i never got a cent of child support.

Back then she was jealous of parents who just gave their kids lots of stuff, but a few years back she thanked me and said she felt her friends were more spoiled and she is better with money now than them.

I think they're totalling up the expenditures of the 2 percent, not the 99.

The prom dresses I've seen in recent years don't cost that kind of money. The kids are wearing short dresses; they may spend a hundred but not four fifty. I don't think "Silicon Valley" "The Bay Area" and "Trudys" are typical of most teens coast to coast. Most kids are shopping at the mall at the popular glitzy-but-cheaply-made clothing outlets, and getting shoes that are dramatic but probably can be got two pairs for one price. The boys are renting dramatic tuxedos with colored shirts and unusual ties/cummerbunds, but they're renting, not buying. And limos? If kids use them, they usually go in on them.

There's an active trade in (gasp) USED dresses too--and of course, the real alternative types make their own costumes...

The best outfits of all, though, are made with DUCK brand duct tape!!!!

So I have been in many formal stores, and I can tell you that the AVERAGE prom dress is in the $350.00 to $500.00 range and I live in a small town.
My nephew also just went to Prom last week, and his Tux RENTAL was $180.00, so these prices are not inflated.
I was shocked at the prices of the dresses, and the is not from an affluent community.

I know wedding planning can be stressful, but the actual event can be a lot of fun. I hope your daughter's wedding is everything you and she wish for!

I called it the Mother of the Bride dress, because that's what they call them, but in this case it's actually Mother of the Groom, and damned proud of it!!!!!

Stressful doesn't seem like a strong enough word LOL. As the mother of the Groom I really try and keep my mouth shut, and my wallet open. I adore my future Daughter in Law though, so I just hope that it is her dream wedding, even if I would do things alot different HAHA!

Try "Forever 21" or "Hot Topic" or even "David's Bridal" and check the price differential. It's HUGE. If you want to save even more money, check the online Chinese bridal stores (you have better luck with smaller prom-goers in that venue; they don't do "Big and Tall" very well). That might not do for your purposes (though I suppose it depends on how youthful a "mother of the bride" you are--those might work just fine for you), but it will do just fine for a kid wanting a trendy, hip outfit for prom. See these samples:


http://www.seventeen.com/prom/g890/hottest-under-100-prom-dresses/

As for tuxes, you can do just fine at Men's Wearhouse for a third of the price you're quoting--I think you might be in a "formal attire desert" where they rip people off, but head for a mall and you can do much, much better. For the price you're quoting, you can BUY a tux w/all the trimmings (shoes, cummerbund, etc) at JC Penney.

So I agree with you there. I am not even complaining about prices for my dress, I was just astounded on how much the Prom dresses go for, and the amount my Nephew paid to rent the tux.

I also agree about JC Penney (which also has one of my top contenders for dresses) but I was not seeing the young girls shopping there, they were at the other places that were outrageously priced.
You are 100% correct about the oasis of spots for the tux rentals though, although we hear day after day to patronize Mom and Pop retailer, how can we always afford to, especially in smaller towns?

She wore a dress she already had. Her and her date went to Noodles & Co. They went in a borrowed car. They called it a night early and were home by 11:00.

Prom probably cost her and her date less than $100.

Just because everybody else is wasting their money doesn't mean you have to. But then again, my wife and i have always been like salmon swimming upstream when it comes to spending out hard earned money in ways other than everyone else. Guess our daughter picked up on that without us telling her to.

Her dress is about $400; shoes around $50; Boutineer for her date around $30; misc other stuff like hair another $50.

So we will be in this for about $500-$550, a little more than half of the $919 figure from VISA and we aren't exactly in the 1%er category.

not in my neck of the woods. Moms here are very resourceful and frugal. They have to be. I live in one of the poorest areas of the USA.

what I've seen as averages in this neck of the woods.

I think perhaps the nouveau riche will spend like drunken sailors, but that's not what's average, in my experience.

Maybe it's "average" for parents who give their kids VISA cards...?

I have seen stories of lavish spending occurring in families of much lower income. Limos, custom-made suits. In the Hispanic culture(s), there is a party for girls called quinciniera (spelling?) for their 15th b-day. And they may have little money but spend freelly for this occasion because they consider it an important milestone.

You'll love this: one of my newspapers serves a population that's 30 percent Hispanic. Someone bought a Quinceanera gown - a REALLY nice one, it looks like a purple hoop skirted thing - several years ago, held the ceremony, and put the gown in the classifieds. It has been in the paper pretty much every day since, but the phone number changes. Yup, you guessed it: the person who buys the gown also buys the ad.

I have to ask: in getting this "average," did they add the amount the kids at the richest high school in California spend to the amount the kids at the poorest school in West Virginia spend, and divide by two?

and we're all supposed to get the vapors because pretentious middle class tryhards spoil their kids?

IDGAF.

So it's really just a question of priorities.

Assuming that most of these parents fall between 37 and 52 years of age, you're looking at the between $285,000 and $346,000 in annual income before you become part of the 1%.

Obviously that doesn't mean that most are at that level, but the 99% goes from $0/year to hundreds of thousands per year, depending on age.

from different parts of the country.

I grew up during the Vietnam years. In much of the country proms were not a big deal. Even when my daughter went to prom the pressure was nothing like it appears to be today. I did pitch in with other parents to rent a limo, but that was for safety reasons from my perspective (and it was only $50 dollars a head).

asking how the 99% pays $919 for prom.

And the answer is that for many in the 99%, $919 is nothing.

Of course, not every place does that, but some do. After the dance, the kids have a sleep-over with "activities" like video games and movies and so on, and they lock them in so they aren't running out in the woods getting drunk and "losing their virtues!!" Or they go, with parents, to some activity or theme park.

Of course, those aren't universally popular....

http://jezebel.com/booze-free-after-prom-parties-are-still-boring-even-wi-508697746

Some of the comments after this article talk about the same issues discussed in this thread!