I think the hug will speak the words that are eluding you.

he will show you how it should go. Hugs to both of you.

With the hug.

I wished someone at work had done this when my mother passed away.

Good luck and my condolences to your coworker for his terrible loss.

Take care.

You have plenty of time to talk about it.

From what you've posted about how you feel, he'll know you care whatever you do or say.

and will have students make welcome back cards.

when he says fine fine, tell him you know he is lying.
then tell him you are glad he is back anyway.

he gets depressed easily so I want to make it happy for him

He made the comment the other night that I was the only one who contacted him at night


Said the principal is all business and no empathy

Give them a hug and say you love them.

by Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)
Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral
sometimes referred to as 'What is Death?'


Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

I dealt with it in my own way, and in my own time. What was most annoying to me was that people felt like they had to walk on eggs around me, or treat me in some special way. I hated that.

Sincerely, but briefly, express your condolences, and then move on. If he's anything like me, he probably wants to get back to normal, or at least as normal as can be under the circumstances.

It helped. I went back to work 3 days after he died because I didn't have enough paid time off and I was taking his ashes to another state and had to wait for the cremation etc. I wanted to save my 3 days of grief time off. Anyway I was kind of a mess when I got back to work and I thought oh I don't want everyone hugging me but it helped it really helped that people said they were sorry.

and if he wants to talk, listen, If not... let it be.

People mourn differently, so let him guide you.

As well as telling him you're glad to see him back, and that if he ever needs to talk .... - he'll know, and am sure will find whatever you do or say comforting. It is hard, but people appreciate knowing they're thought of.

Get your cues from your friend.

In the beginning, I didn't even want to think/talk about it. The less people said, the better. My husband used to say,"You have two ears and one mouth... use them in that ratio." I think it stands us all well to live like that and wait for cues.

A simple,"I'm so glad you're back." might be all the words he needs.

All the best to all of you.

After my dad died, I was just happy to be treated normally.

"breathing with" the grieving person...sharing their space, being there for them. In your own way, you can do this with a co-worker, modified of course to fit the office and the work needs. You might offer to get coffee for him or ask if he would like to go to lunch. If he doesn't feel he can handle that, you can say you understand and give him time to readjust. I think just knowing someone has been thinking about him and caring about him is helpful.

a few times I noticed that he looked incredibly aged and sad (but who wouldn't)

I think he was just relieved to be doing normal things.

He didn't talk about her much but did talk about the memorial service yesterday.

We had a blanket that a student started then left 1/2 done saying he didn't need any blanket (the only one that hated the project). The students all voted and finished the blanket and took it 1st hour and put around his neck. I think that was the push he needed and he had a great day.

I'm not saying it will be perfect from here on out but it was a start of a new beginning.

his son emailed me tonight saying Dad had a good day at work. Said it was obvious we made him feel welcomed and thanked me for being concerned.

I'm so glad he had a good first day back to set a positive tone.

One little thought: Everyone is different but in my (limited) experience, I think most people appreciate an occasional "how are you doing? taking care of yourself? sleeping okay?" kind of check-in, especially when it's done in a matter-of-fact way rather than a dramatic one.

It sounds like you and the kids and the people around him are pretty special. I'm sure you're all a big comfort to him.