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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe 14 Habits of Highly Miserable People How to succeed at self-sabotage.
so much truth in the article, I have witness this so many times with friends and family and co-workers over the years.....its a terrible cycle of failure and misery
http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/14-habits-highly-miserable-people
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)Igel
(35,320 posts)Read it several times a year and free up Thanksgiving, Xmas, and several other holidays for other uses.
Might post it somewhere. Describes my kid (who I supposedly have some influence over) and a lot of students I know (who I actually have no influence over).
Trait ruminant. Blarg.
treestar
(82,383 posts)Number 5. Attribute the worst possible intention.
steve2470
(37,457 posts)AZ Progressive
(3,411 posts)When politics is a magnet for charlatans, you have to be on guard.
Orrex
(63,216 posts)AZ Progressive
(3,411 posts)As the article says, then the idea is that people make their lives miserable even if they are in good conditions.
Well, unless you are squarely in the "haves" in society nowadays, do you have the privilege to imagine misery.
However, I wouldn't recommend any of those anyway. Even if you are in a bad situation in life, you need as much positivity and upliftment as possible. You need to take a proactive attitude. You need your mind as clear as possible to find out solutions rather than stew in bleakness. I've found absolutely no benefit in not keeping myself together during hard times. And much more often than not, reality is not as bad as I'd fear it to be.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)If someone feels that morale is improving in the workplace be sure to point out how everything will inevitably go back to the bad old days very soon.
Or if a despised highly placed person is forced out be sure to never feel better about it just because they're gone. Continue to talk about how bad things were when they were still there, and are sure to become again at any minute.
Make sure that the tiniest glimmer of positivity is broad brush painted as just another trap to make life even more miserable than it is now.
Never cease to tell everyone that you're an at-the-end-of-your-rope-insomniac when they chirp such garbage as, "Good Morning!"
hunter
(38,317 posts)It's the old "put a smile on your face and pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" bullshit, all sugar coated in modern therapist talk.
I'll make it simple: At my worst I am a black hole of hopelessness. Oddly I don't get suicidal or feel any great pain, maybe because I was largely a feral child with the nickname "queerbait," autistic spectrum, and clumsy who'd get regularly beat up by bullies at school, even the occasional teacher. But I was safe and fed and loved and protected in a household of artistic chaos, and that gave me the confidence that society was fucked up at least as much as I was, and probably more so.
So anyways, at my worst I am a black hole that all hope and light gets sucked into. I can't stand to be around people and they can't stand to be around me. Before decent crazy-meds I dealt with the problem in the most practical way I could. I tried to be invisible. The trouble always started when I wasn't invisible. I was "asked" to leave college twice.
But here's my point: If I'd internalized all that "be happy" bullshit, it probably would have killed me. Once a person who has this darkness within themselves starts blaming themself for the misery, then the self-destruction begins.
It's the same process our society has inflicted on LGBT people. When LGBT is scolded by family and society as a "lifestyle choice," and that false belief is internalized by a kid, the self-destruction begins. I had a childhood friend who was both a little dark and gay who killed himself. I can't really know the reasons, but our fucked up culture certainly didn't do him any favors.
So yeah, fuck this shit. The world is complicated place and things both good and bad happen for complicated reasons.
If someone asks for help, ask them what they need, don't tell them what they "should" do or how they "should" think. If you ever do play the "should" card, don't be shocked when the person who asked for your help pisses on your happy place.
Tom_Foolery
(4,691 posts)Well said! I was trying to think of a good post for this, but you said what I couldn't put into words.
I was reading this and thinking "Does she not get that depression is biochemical?"
I could talk about my own depression, but it's easier to talk about my friend.
He's got a wife and a kid. He owns a small business leading bird tours to Alaska. Major, major bird fiend.
But he perceives everything in his life as boring and empty. Every trip he leads is a hassle. Every bird he chases is a hassle. He doesn't put the kind of energy into his business that will allow it to thrive. He doesn't put the kind of energy into his marriage that will allow it to thrive.
(As an example of that last, I asked him, "Any plans for Mother's Day?" "Nah, what would be the point?" )
He's in a life situation that isn't easy, but it's certainly not as bad as it could be. Nevertheless, he's miserable.
It's not as easy as "Go do something fun." He does objectively fun things all the time.
He's biochemically incapable of having fun.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)#14 - Be critical.
Of course I'm only critical when some moron posts some ridiculous thing that needs to be immediately corrected by explaining to the poster just how wrong they are, and why I'm always right, and how they could save so much time and embarrassment by simply agreeing with me right from the start.
Man! Some people!
steve2470
(37,457 posts)Ms. Cloe' Madanes comes out of a school of therapy notable for, ahem, unorthodox techniques, like paradoxical stuff. If I was totally new to all this, I'd think she was a nasty smartass in this article. This is her schtick, totally. This article is obviously geared to garden-variety kind of situations. If I was a shrink, I'd NEVER give this to one of my patients or recommend reading it.
HereSince1628
(36,063 posts)available, it has the added benefit of leaning toward blaming a dysfunctional person for the choice of creating their own persona.
Quick answers that confirm biases, huge popular market for that sort of thing...
LeftInTX
(25,379 posts)1. Be afraid, be very afraid, of economic loss.
I'm not very afraid, but I get overly anxious and waste energy on it.