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Egnever

(21,506 posts) Sat Jun 6, 2015, 10:35 PM Jun 2015

A question on Domestic violence

I have a situation going on in the house across the street from me.

In the house there is a young girl 22 and her older boyfriend and Either their child or her child. I have always said hello when I see them as I do to all my neighbors. So we are on friendly terms.

The past week they have been screaming and yelling at each other and taking it into the street. Now as far as I know it is limited to screaming at each other though there have been sounds of things breaking.

The girl has come to my door two times this week in the middle of these screaming events to ask to use my phone to call her mother. Both times I have let her use it and will continue to do so if it continues. Both times she has asked her mother while on my phone to come and remove her boyfriend saying she wants him out.

Today I saw her mom and her boyfriend pulling into the driveway in the same car...

My concerns at this point are that this is going to turn violent at some point, it already is to a small extent. I am also loathe to get into the middle of it as from what I have read the most dangerous calls for police are Domestic violence calls. I don't want to be put into a position where I am called on to get into the middle of this any more than I already am by allowing the young girl to use my phone when he has taken hers away.

This seems like a classic abusive relationship from the outside looking in.

What should I be doing? Any sugesstions?

Should I be calling the police when the screaming starts? Will that not just make me a target?

I am just not sure what course of action if any I should be taking. It is very hard to just sit and listen waiting for it to turn really ugly. At the same time I don't want to make it worse.

I am torn so am hoping someone has words of wisdom or experience to share.

6 replies

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A question on Domestic violence (Original Post) Egnever Jun 2015 OP

In my area, I'd call the local domestic violence center for advice. lumberjack_jeff Jun 2015 #1

good advice fizzgig Jun 2015 #3

Sometimes it makes it worse, sometimes it could save a life, we are so complex that AuntPatsy Jun 2015 #2

Does it appear the Mom is encouraging her to stay? bettyellen Jun 2015 #4

Sorry, but you need to act on this. thecrow Jun 2015 #5

If you see a punch thrown or have any other evidence Warpy Jun 2015 #6

lumberjack_jeff

(33,224 posts)

1. In my area, I'd call the local domestic violence center for advice.

Reply to Egnever (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2015, 10:44 PM

Jun 2015

The next time she came to use the phone, I'd have the DV center's business card for her.

fizzgig

(24,146 posts)

3. good advice

Reply to lumberjack_jeff (Reply #1)

Sat Jun 6, 2015, 10:47 PM

Jun 2015

AuntPatsy

(9,904 posts)

2. Sometimes it makes it worse, sometimes it could save a life, we are so complex that

Reply to Egnever (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2015, 10:46 PM

Jun 2015

Doing the right thing can to those willing to put themselves out there and help others not always turn out right....

Sad situation all around, not just for them but you too obviously...

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)

4. Does it appear the Mom is encouraging her to stay?

Reply to Egnever (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2015, 10:55 PM

Jun 2015

I think I'd not be calling the mom anymore in that case. I'd consult with local domestic violence group. When I did though, they told me to call the cops when I heard it happening.
I had a neighbor doing this, and knocked on their door and offered the crying woman a couch, then advised them I would call the cops if I heard any more noises, like ever. She did move out.

thecrow

(5,519 posts)

5. Sorry, but you need to act on this.

Reply to Egnever (Original post)

Sat Jun 6, 2015, 11:01 PM

Jun 2015

If she has come to your house twice, if you can hear the screaming from across the street, if there is a child in this house....
you are already "in the middle of it". The next time it starts, call the police and explain things just as you have done here.

You don't need to feel bad about it. This situation is going to escalate until ... what?
You could be saving a life. What are you waiting for, blood?

Warpy

(111,271 posts)

6. If you see a punch thrown or have any other evidence

Reply to Egnever (Original post)

Sun Jun 7, 2015, 12:43 AM

Jun 2015

that the situation has turned violent, you really do need to call the cops. Tell them what you've seen and that it seems to be escalating and that there is a young child in the house.

Also be aware that sometimes it's the man who is being hit. It's a hell of a lot rarer than male on female violence, but it does happen.

Since you're the neighbor she trusts to make phone calls, you're already in the middle.

(People screaming at each other in the street is just sad. Unless they're disturbing my beauty sleep, I tend to give them the illusion of privacy. A punch gets thrown and I call.)

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