Where's the (rollover) protection?

I see no problem.

What a maroon!

"polygamy."

Do you John Deere, take this woman.....

And, by extension, their products are people, too - or 3/5th's of a person. Which means you'd have to marry 5 products in order to be an equal party to the marital contract. Got it?

Let us know the condition of your parts after your first night with your lawfully-wedded lawn mower. Is Steve King actually the dumbest congresscritter ever? Or is he still tied with Louie Gohmert?

he sounded hopeful.

I do like my lawnmower. But I don't love my lawnmower. And I think my lawnmower is indifferent to me, but, then again, so are my wife and kids, so I'm not sure how that figures in.

So many questions:
** Can I have a human wife and a lawnmower wife, or do we first have to settle the slippery slope polygamy issue?

** Is it only lawnmowers I can marry, or can I marry other garden tools? 4-stroke or 2-stroke (and don't get me started on that one)? How about other power tools?

** As for marrying inanimate objects, I think Steve King's wife and Louis Goehmert's wife already have experience with marrying inanimate objects without intelligence or a brain. I'd like them to weigh in on this.

** Do these utter morons have anyone at home or in their offices to say, hey, hang on a second dad/sir, you may want to rethink what you're about to say.

History is not going to be kind to these douchebags and their followers. This era will not look good in the history books.

... In Texas, the history text books will say King led the fight to prevent gasoline powered tools from getting on the Ark, and thereby preserved Christmas and the sanctity of the free market.

And i mean that in a good way. He's as dumb as dirt. I wish there were some sort of logic, history, and science test one had to pass to run for office.

I can't believe they come by it naturally.

a STRONG Kristiun

was almost smart as Steve King, it could mow my lawn by itself!

a great deal smarter.

Maybe he's on to something......

restaurant down the street.

But yours is funnier.

Now surely this person either is kidding or is a figment of "The Onion's" imagination, right?

Surely in 2015 no person over the age of 8 would say something like this?

Billy Goat
Eazy Mow
Lawn Boy
LawnBott
Little Wonder
Good Vibrations by Meteor
MoJack
Snapper
Swisher
Weed Eater

Why do these right wing nitwits have such a problem with the concept of consent?

Have they never gotten it? Have they never bothered to ask for it?

...And it's still profoundly sorry for that one time.

After being rejected by a lawnmower, a wheelbarrow, and two chainsaws, King is seeking revenge.

Rumours persist, however, that an old rusty weed-whacker said she'd consider his proposal - but only if a lot of money was involved.

does someone have to prompt this fool to breathe? I don't think his brain has enough horsepower to do it on its own.