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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsFamous quotes, the way a woman would have to say them during a meeting.
A few weeks ago at work, Jennifer Lawrence wrote in an essay for Lenny (yup, I guess Im subscribed to Lenny now! Well played, Lena Dunham). I spoke my mind and gave my opinion in a clear and no-[BS] way; no aggression, just blunt. The man I was working with (actually, he was working for me) said, Whoa! Were all on the same team here! As if I was yelling at him. I was so shocked because nothing that I said was personal, offensive, or, to be honest, wrong. All I hear and see all day are men speaking their opinions, and I give mine in the same exact manner, and you would have thought I had said something offensive.
Nailed it.
Woman in a Meeting is a language of its own.
It should not be, but it is. You will think that you have stated the case simply and effectively, and everyone else will wonder why you were so Terrifyingly Angry. Instead, you have to translate. You start with your thought, then you figure out how to say it as though you were offering a groveling apology for an unspecified error. (In fact, as Sloane Crosley pointed out in an essay earlier this year, the time you are most likely to say Im sorry is the time when you feel that you, personally, have just been grievously wronged. Not vice versa.)
To illustrate this difficulty, I have taken the liberty of translating some famous sentences into the phrases a woman would have to use to say them during a meeting not to be perceived as angry, threatening or (gasp!) bitchy.
Give me liberty, or give me death.
Woman in a Meeting: Dave, if I could, I could just I just really feel like if we had liberty it would be terrific, and the alternative would just be awful, you know? Thats just how it strikes me. I dont know.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2015/10/13/jennifer-lawrence-has-a-point-famous-quotes-the-way-a-woman-would-have-to-say-them-during-a-meeting/?tid=pm_opinions_pop_b
MasonDreams
(756 posts)Men are stupid I know, 'cause I am one. Men have taken us as far as we can. Now the fairer sex must take charge. We, men, need help. No negitaves no sarcasm no joke. Women are better @communication and consensus building. If our planet doesnt get more women in charge soon we're all cooked.
BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)Arugula Latte
(50,566 posts)MasonDreams
(756 posts)Rain some more criticism. Empowering women could really be a big help everywhere. Not just where they are most abused.
Response to MasonDreams (Reply #1)
Post removed
Chemisse
(30,811 posts)Many women have been raised and conditioned to believe that what we have to contribute is minimal, that our voices are not as important as the male voices in the room.
I really don't know if it is like this for girls now, but when I was a teenager, what I had to say was very important - boys would be riveted upon my every word - as long as sex appeared to be a possibility. Otherwise, I had little to no value (outside of an ongoing relationship). That is a powerful message, more so than any exploitive commercial or thin-waisted Barbie doll.
Who cares if we look like the office bitch? We need to speak out as freely as men do, and let the chips fall where they may. That is the only way to gain respect and equality in our work environments.
dawg
(10,624 posts)I'm often not clever enough to read between the lines.
ismnotwasm
(41,976 posts)Woman in a Meeting: I have to say Im sorry I have to say this. I dont think we should be as scared of non-fear things as maybe we are? If that makes sense? Sorry, I feel like Im rambling.
Fairgo
(1,571 posts)or any of her friends, or the women who run things where I work. But then again, I was raised by wolves and "bitch" was a job title. Power is not given freely. It is taken. Language is appropriated, you have to claim your words. If your speech presents as weak in mind and spirit, it becomes your weakness. What the feminist movement has revealed is a different approach to power that is at first in conflict with the traditional patriarchy, grown arrogant in isolation. Ultimately the voices of gender experience are complimentary. Getting to equity in discourse is the battle. Assuming the diminutive voice assigned to the feminine role is not the winning strategy. Stand up, speak up, act up. The men are slowly learning.
Blue_In_AK
(46,436 posts)awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)Woman in a Meeting: I dont want to toot my own horn here at all but I definitely have been to those places and was just honored to be a part of it as our team did such a wonderful job of conquering them.
hobbit709
(41,694 posts)And she didn't mince words. Her two favorite words were shit and fuck and she used them very creatively.
I think Tom Petty's I Won't Back Down was one of her favorite songs.
Nye Bevan
(25,406 posts)Damned if you do, damned if you don't....
Jim Lane
(11,175 posts)"I just think it should be noted -- I know everyone here is aware of it, but maybe it's worth pointing out that there was an American intervention, and if I'm not mistaken it was accompanied by some gathering of intelligence, and subsequently the former leader there passed away, and perhaps we can consider pointing out these facts if there's any criticism."
If she had said it that way it would still be objectionable.
LostOne4Ever
(9,288 posts)LeftyMom
(49,212 posts)First of all it's assuming that there's a right way to say something and a wrong way and the female-coded way is inherently the wrong way. This is inherently bigoted and it's especially problematic because women who respond to that framing by speaking in the male-coded way will be attacked as overly masculine or as ball busting bitches.
Second it puts the focus on the people with less power for not speaking correctly rather than the empowered people for not listening.
Third, because it's taking declarative, overly dramatic phrases (at least some of which are historically suspect) and inserting them into a space where they'd be ridiculous and unhelpful. Business meetings are for hashing out ideas, so questioning phrases and drawing people out are appropriate and helpful communication skills. Bombastic phrases really don't belong and aren't especially helpful, unless said meeting takes place at halftime and you happen to be a football coach. Even then you need to discuss ideas about how to stop the run before you start shouting Harbaugh-grade inspirational nonsense.
MasonDreams
(756 posts)Especially because Jennifer Lawrence is a very good role model for young women. She plays a champion gladiator in a future utopia who starts a revolution!! Young people love the books and movies!! Assertive confident strong in #s too big to ignore. Women! Help us out with these twisted men like Trump, king saud, Kim ill sick. I know we can do better. The United Nations has said so and they've looked around a bit. Empowering women is the most progressive move.