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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOn my Brother-in-Law's Passing ...
As some of you know, DUer Desert Flower is my sister.
We had a long conversation this evening, and she has been overwhelmed, and is truly grateful, for the incredible outpouring of love and condolences from her fellow posters on this board.
My brother-in-law, John, was one of those once-in-a-lifetime people some of us are lucky enough to get to know. When our grandmother was in her last months, embarrassed by being bedridden and unable to do for herself, John spent his nights watching her favourite TV shows with her. Dont be silly, Grandma, he would say when she expressed her humiliation at being so helpless. Im happy to do for you. And he was.
When my mother realized she was slipping slowly into dementia, unable to remember people, places, things John did her shopping for her, and spent hours with her when he dropped off her groceries. I know hes heard my same-old stories a million times, Mom said. But he always pretends hes hearing them for the first time, and laughs with me when I tell them.
John was welcomed into our family almost forty-two years ago. He was smart and witty and brought more laughter into our lives than any family truly deserves. His one-liners at family events quickly became legendary.
John was a successful businessman, having earned the respect of every co-worker hed ever known. He was also a painter and a stained-glass artisan; his creative spirit amply demonstrated in his many works.
My sister has always been my role model. She is the strongest woman I have ever known. Her life has not been as easy as some might imagine she has met challenges, and dealt with them; challenges that most of us (gratefully) have never had to face. And she has done so with grace and style.
I dont know when Desert Flower will be posting here again. I can only tell you that your condolences, good wishes, sympathies and prayers have been taken to heart, and she thanks each and every one of you for your kindness in her time of loss. She expressed her gratitude over and over tonight for all of you who held her, and John, in their thoughts and prayers throughout.
It is said that when you make someone laugh, you add years to their life. If that is so, John added so many years to my own life, I will probably live forever.
Thanks to all of you who have been so kind to my sister. Your thoughtfulness is truly cherished, and will never be forgotten by her, or our family.
--- Nance
malaise
(269,049 posts)Nice to see you NanceGreggs - even on such a sad occasion. Say hello to Jeff for me.
mrs_p
(3,014 posts)He sounds like a rare gem, and I am so sorry for your loss.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,629 posts)for this beautiful, heartfelt post.
John will live in our hearts because of your eloquence tonight...
KT2000
(20,583 posts)I am sorry for your loss.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)and loving comfort for you all in this sad time.
thank you for sharing.
rurallib
(62,423 posts)Here is hoping his memory will always bring a smile.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)LiberalAndProud
(12,799 posts)Sending much love to both you and Desert Flower in this very difficult time. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Skittles
(153,169 posts)a good person never mentions they've heard the same story from someone over and over - they realize how much the memory means to that person and how much they love telling the story - so they listen always like it is the first time they've heard it. Yes.
pacalo
(24,721 posts)Ishoutandscream2
(6,662 posts)And I would smile, laugh, etc. Grandpa is gone now, and I would give anything to hear the same stories again.
Skittles
(153,169 posts)wellstone dem
(4,460 posts)John reminds me of my brother-in-law Pat. My sister went out with him for years before she married him. People asked me why they weren't married and I truthfully responded, "It's too late, he is already one of the family." A generous man, like John, I can easily understand the loss of this good man. May he rest in peace and may we all learn from his kind spirit.
pacalo
(24,721 posts)Thanks for your beautiful words of appreciation & for letting us know how special John was. I didn't know Desert Flower was your sister! It's comforting to know that she has someone as strong & wonderful as you to help her through her heartbreak.
We all miss you terribly!
progressoid
(49,991 posts)We are a family here (even if dysfunctional at times). When one grieves, we all grieve.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)May the touching memories bring each of you peace.
Peacetrain
(22,877 posts)Nancy I am so sorry to read about the passing of your brother in law.. please pass to Desert Flower our deepest condolences.. Emily and John (The Peacetrains)
GoneOffShore
(17,340 posts)Marrah_G
(28,581 posts)It's good to know she will have family to lean on during the difficult coming days. I'm sorry to hear of your family's loss.
NRaleighLiberal
(60,015 posts)Out of the sadness of loss emerges lessons for us all.
panader0
(25,816 posts)spanone
(135,844 posts)TBF
(32,064 posts)you all continue to be in my thoughts.
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)I hope you have found some comfort together with your sister. I am so sorry for your loss
bluesbassman
(19,374 posts)Death of a loved one is never easy, and someone as special as John makes it even more difficult. He left behind a great legacy though, the love and admiration of his family and friends.
Peace and comfort to you, Desert Flower, and the rest of your family.
WillyT
(72,631 posts)Peace...
grantcart
(53,061 posts)will be brought closer together.
Ken Burch
(50,254 posts)Was unaware of your brother's passing(I work out of town every other week and must have missed the announcement thread, if there was one) and can only hope that whatever form of suffering ended his life was, at least, as brief as possible.
We've often sparred, you and I, but please know that your family is in my thoughts on the hearing of this news.
JitterbugPerfume
(18,183 posts)shireen
(8,333 posts)My deepest condolences to you and your family, Nance. That's a devastating loss. He sounds like he was a truly remarkable man.
ProfessionalLeftist
(4,982 posts)I'm really glad she has you to lean on. We'll be here when/if she's ready to return. Family first.
akbacchus_BC
(5,704 posts)your brother-in-law. Please accept my condoences to you and the family.
I miss you on here.
Best regards.
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)i hope john is reading these wonderful tributes where ever he is.
love you sis.
renate
(13,776 posts)The world is a better place for his having been here.
pinto
(106,886 posts)barb162
(24,266 posts)I am sure you, Desert Flower and John's families are beyond grateful for your very lovely words about this wonderful, caring man.
donheld
(21,311 posts)I'm so sorry for this loss.
It's so hard to know what to say at a time like this.
rufus dog
(8,419 posts)My condolences to your sister and you. Hopefully you are close (in distance) to your sister. If I recall she is a resident of Tucson, so even if it a bit of a distance, Tucson is a gorgeous place to spend an early summer to honor her husband and your BIL.
Best wishes.
Tarheel_Dem
(31,234 posts)Beaverhausen
(24,470 posts)Sincere condolences to your family on your loss.
Ruby the Liberal
(26,219 posts)Did not know you were sisters.
May this week and the coming weeks bring comfort.
FourScore
(9,704 posts)LibDemAlways
(15,139 posts)compassionate soul he was and what a tragic loss for your sister and your entire family.
Sincere condolences to you all.
On a personal note, it truly warms my heart to read a story of a brother-in-law who was so warmly welcomed into a family and became a cherished member. The world would be a better place if all families were as close-knit and loving as yours.
Response to NanceGreggs (Original post)
LibDemAlways This message was self-deleted by its author.
Major Hogwash
(17,656 posts)They're not gone as long as we remember them.
My condolences to you, Desert Flower, and to the whole family.
I'm really sad to hear this.
It sounds like it happened from out of the blue, as if it wasn't expected.
IndyJones
(1,068 posts)I am truly sorry for your loss.
lamp_shade
(14,836 posts)JNelson6563
(28,151 posts)And classy of you to post this Nance. A beautiful post, John sounds a great deal like my dad. We are always richer for having a dear soul like that in our lives, no matter for how long.
Of course no surprise that DesertFlower was married to a stellar guy.
Hugs to you and please give my best to Jeff. Peace to you and yours through this time of loss.
Hugs,
Julie
Diclotican
(5,095 posts)NanceGreggs
I hope you and your sister have comfort i this tragic times, and you have my condolences
I am sorry for your loss - but I do hope you have good memories to share with your sister and the rest of the family. As long as he is remembered he is not lost - he is still there with you..
Diclotican
Hissyspit
(45,788 posts)cate94
(2,811 posts)to hear of your brother in laws passing. He sounds like a wonderful man.
My thoughts are with you and Desert Flower at this difficult time.
sellitman
(11,607 posts)And hugs too!
meti57b
(3,584 posts)May his memory be for a blessing.
Highway61
(2,568 posts)My condolences to you and the family.
The Wizard
(12,545 posts)the world sighs in sadness.
mithnanthy
(1,725 posts)He sounds like a wonderful person and was lucky to have you as his sister-in-law. Our condolences to your dear sister. Luv you, Nancy
a kennedy
(29,672 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)WilliamPitt
(58,179 posts)Skinner
(63,645 posts)Condolences to you and to Desert Flower.
SunsetDreams
(8,571 posts)My heart goes out to you, your sister, and the rest of your family. John sounds like he was an amazing guy.
Thank you for sharing that
catbyte
(34,402 posts)My beloved husband of 28 years is dying and even though I know it's coming, it's something you just can't prepare yourself for. Please give Desert Flower a hug for me and know that your friends at DU are thinking of you, your sister, and your whole family.
An Ojibwa Blessing
May you walk in beauty, and may your eyes ever
behold the red and purple sunsets.
May your hands respect the things the Great Spirit has made,
and may your ears be sharp so you may hear the Great Spirits voice.
May you be wise,
so that you may understand what the Great Spirit has taught your people and
the lessons the Great Spirit has hidden in each leaf
and each rock.
May you ask for wisdom and strength,
not to be superior to your brothers and sisters, but to be able
to fight your greatest enemy, yourself.
May you be ever ready to come before the Great Spirit with
clean hands and a straight eye,
so as life fades away as a fading sunset,
your soul may come to the Great Spirit without shame.
-adapted from an Ojibwa prayer, Author Unknown
Diane
Anishinaabe in MI & mom to Leo, Sophie, Taz & Nigel, members of Dogs Against Romney, Cat Division
"Mitt Is Mean--HISS!
beac
(9,992 posts)Your beautiful ones paint such a vivid picture of a wonderful man. My condolences to you, Desert Flower and your family.
csziggy
(34,136 posts)Few men are as giving as he was. Thank you for sharing a glimpse of his generous personality.
Jack Rabbit
(45,984 posts)Spazito
(50,362 posts)MADem
(135,425 posts)I hope you all can get through this by leaning on one another and remembering the good times. It's never easy--I've been to too many funerals myself, lately so I can relate quite freshly to the range of emotions.
Condolences to your entire family.
Oldtimeralso
(1,937 posts)Thank You for sharing this tribute with us, as with many here we always appreciate your elegant style of prose. This is a very heart felt post and means a lot to me as my family is mostly gone and the only sister I have has told me that I cannot talk politics in her presence. So I have not seen her since February and may not for a long time. If I were to die before the election I sincerely don't know if she would come to my funeral.
It sounds like John was a great person. Desert Flowers had a gift here and will in the afterlife. You are a great person for this post and the many others you have shared. Desert Flower, you, Jeff and all of your extended family please share my sincerest condolences.
John sounded like he was a great person to have in the family please remember the good times and especially the one liners.
NC_Nurse
(11,646 posts)condolences and support during this sad time. John sounds like a wonderful man and I know you will all miss him very much. Take care of yourselves. I look forward to seeing Desert Flower on DU again whenever she is ready. Hugs to you both.
nofurylike
(8,775 posts)this is so beautiful of you
NanceGreggs
Desert Flower
hlthe2b
(102,291 posts)I'm rather choked up right now, reading it. But please do give Desert Flower my best. to you as well.
liberaltrucker
(9,129 posts)Your family, and humanity, has lost a truly wonderful man.
My heartfelt condolences to Desert Flower and your entire
family in your time of mourning.
robinlynne
(15,481 posts)and strong like Desert Flower.
much love to all of you, and thanks.
great white snark
(2,646 posts)Your family is in my thoughts tonight NanceGreggs.
glinda
(14,807 posts)Sometimes we forget that us DUers are people with intricate lives. We all suffer sometimes. We all laugh sometimes. But it is so kind to share this with us.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)and your brother in law does sound like one in a lifetime person. If there is a heaven... (agnostic from hell here), he is there now.
MissDeeds
(7,499 posts)You have honored him by your kind and loving tribute, Nance. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
MissDeeds
lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)and thankfully, you have wonderful family to gain strenght from
Raine
(30,540 posts)of such a special person.