Imagining the Trump family Christmas newsletter

An exclusive look at the Trump Family Christmas Newsletter:

Dear family & friends, except any of you loser dopes who have said anything bad about me this year, you're low-energy and pathetic and it's really a wonder anybody likes you, you're so unlikable.

What a year it has been! I mean, really, just a big, great, amazing year. You don't get years like this anymore, you know what I mean? I dunno. We just don't have good years like we used to. I don't know what's going on.

But this year. This year has been great and the greatest thing to happen this year has been me running for president and getting people to believe — so many people, it's really remarkable — that we can MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. It's on the hat, you've seen the hat. It's a great hat and you'll all be getting one, except for the low-energy dopes I mentioned earlier, they don't deserve hats. They get no hats.

But the rest of you will get hats and you'll get them because you know — you know! — that we have so many problems in this country. We do. We have problems and we just don't win anymore, we don't have victories. This newsletter is a victory, it's one, we have this one, that's for sure.

This Christmas newsletter … you see I used the word "Christmas" there, the politically correct people, they're gonna be on me about that. Cause you can't say Merry Christmas anymore, right? You just can't. Well guess what? I'm not politically correct and I say what the people are thinking and what the people are thinking is "Merry Christmas" and so that's what we're going to say in this Christmas newsletter, which is going to be such a beautiful thing, you'll see.

more sarcasm:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/huppke/ct-trump-christmas-newsletter-huppke-20151211-story.html