PETA Delivers Vegan Jerky, Smug Condescension To Oregon Doofbuckets

(bundy's boners--love it!!)

filed to: birdbath fanciers

PETA Delivers Vegan Jerky, Smug Condescension To Oregon Doofbuckets


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We're sure that's exactly what the "peaceful protestors" had in mind when they sent out the call for snacks.

In a statement early Wednesday, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals announced they would be answering the mating call of the endangered Northwest Constitution-Humping Booby by bringing victuals to the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. The Refuge is currently the site of a standoff between the federal gub’mint and a bunch of rancher motherfuckers who sob while masturbating to their own imagined defense of liberty. But seriously, if you didn’t know that already, what rock have you been living under? Jesus, you probably haven’t even seen Star Wars yet, loser (Finn is Keyser Soze, OOPS SPOILERS LOL).


Anyway, after the cunning wilderness experts revealed that WHOOPS, they forgot to bring provisions with them to Sleepaway Bird Camp, PETA responded by delivering some vegan jerky, coupled with a healthy dose of the smug condescension, which remains their sole contribution to American discourse:
The militant cattle ranchers currently occupying Malheur National Wildlife Refuge have appealed for snacks, and PETA is answering the call with a hand-delivered package of vegan jerky that contains more protein than beef does. The PETA staffers, who will bear signs reading, “The End (of Animal Agriculture) Is Nigh: Get Out Now!” are suggesting that militia members learn to raise crops, not cows—allowing the many species of wild animals the refuge was designed to protect to thrive.

“People from all walks of life are increasingly appalled by the idea of slaughtering animals and realize, too, the harmful impact that animal agriculture has on the environment, so it’s time to face facts,” says PETA President Ingrid Newkirk. “These ranchers may have a beef with the feds, but their water use and the cattle’s production of methane mean that the world needs them to get out of the beef business.”

It’s important not to overstate the actual importance of Ammon (seriously, “Ammon?” “Cliven?” Where the fuck are these people getting their given names, StarCraft?) Bundy and his merry band of shuddering chucklefucks. Calling the Birdbath Occupational Dingbat Brigade “terrorists” gives them far too much credit, as Deadspin’s Albert Burneko pointed out earlier this week. Bundy’s Boners are sad clowns attempting to get the FBI to lean in to look at their breast pocket flower so they can squirt them in the face (with bullets). They are worth no regard beyond mockery as they howl impotently into the abyss.

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Read more at http://wonkette.com/597647/peta-delivers-vegan-jerky-smug-condescension-to-oregon-doofbuckets#qdaSQAaztJpq9lDe.99