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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums‘I’m Trump All The Way,’ Says Man Who Will Die From Mishandling Fireworks Months Before Election
YOUNGSTOWN, OHAccording to statements made Monday by local resident David Kearney, a 36-year-old delivery driver who will die in a fireworks mishap months before the general election, he is a Trump man all the way.
I like what Trump has to sayhe isnt afraid to take on anyone, said the man who, long before November, will be pronounced dead on arrival at a nearby hospital after duct-taping several M-80s together in his backyard, lighting the self-rigged explosive device, and then, after accidentally knocking the mortar tube on its side while attempting to run away from the blast, will suffer severe trauma as his Stone Cold Steve Austin shirt and cargo shorts are set ablaze while his horrified family looks on.
The politicians in Washington lie to our faces. Trumps the only one who tells the truth. Hell turn the country around.
Kearney said he was convinced to vote for Trump by the candidates debate performances, events he was narrowly able to witness following a close call last summer when his ATV overturned at high speed after he lost control of the vehicle while firing a handgun at a stop sign.
http://www.theonion.com/article/im-trump-all-way-says-man-who-will-die-mishandling-52449
saturnsring
(1,832 posts)Zorro
(15,749 posts)The Onion was thrown under the bus after they put this on their website:
Female Presidential Candidate Who Was United States Senator, Secretary Of State Told To Be More Inspiring
NEW YORKCiting her lackluster support among young voters, campaign consultants to Hillary Clinton, the Democratic presidential frontrunner who has served as both a U.S. senator and secretary of state, reportedly instructed the candidate this week to be more inspiring.
Right now, voters are looking for a candidate who stands for real societal change, someone who can stir something inside them, said media advisor Jim Margolis, urging the womanwho overcame entrenched societal biases to build a successful legal career, became the first female senator elected in the state of New York, oversaw the Department of State during a period of widespread international tumult, and, if elected, would be the first female president in American historyto appear more uplifting to voters.
Many young people have completely lost faith in the political process, and they want to believe that true progress is actually possible. They want someone who embodies progressive ideals.
Margolis added that Clinton was too much a part of the establishment she spent decades breaking down barriers to enter.
http://www.theonion.com/article/female-presidential-candidate-who-was-united-state-52367
saturnsring
(1,832 posts)by the poster who is trying to lure people in by not warning them it's an onion joke
Initech
(100,102 posts)HughBeaumont
(24,461 posts)"HEY SHITTER, HOLD MAH BEERS . . . AM'AH JUMP THE BARN WITH MAH EFF 150 YEEEEEEEHAWFUCKYEHPEWPEWPEWTRUMP"
Oneironaut
(5,524 posts)On the bright side, the country would get a little smarter. It's a purification tablet to the gene pool.