More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today, No. 8

If you live in Wisconsin, quit looking at this silly post and go vote!!! Well, okay, you can read this first to remind you why you need to vote, but the point is, go vote!

If you live in Wisconsin, and already voted, thanks. You have done the country a great service.

Another look into the world of conservative doublethink.

Previous editions are available at my journal page:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=171954

A few weeks ago, I tried to see if I could pinpoint the origin of the Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today list, the one that's been floating around the internets for about a decade, which I based my series on. The oldest citation I can find in the Google is here: http://archive.azplace.net/index.php?itemid=307 on November 28, 2003; that was after ten pages of Google digging just to be sure.

If anyone else wishes to offer insight, do so.

Thinks You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

One I have to repost:

* Bipartisanship means Republicans and Democrats coming together to do exactly what Republicans want.

Because it just got completely validated:

"Bipartisanship ought to consist of Democrats coming to the Republican point of view."
--Teabagger Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, May 8, 2012

Huh. A revision of one from the last list...

* The Komen Foundation was right to cut donations to Planned Parenthood, which is being subjected to a Congressional investigation, even though no criminal or civil guilt or liability has been found yet. The Komen Foundation is correct to continue partnership with the Catholic Church, which has been subject to ongoing investigations over child molestation by its priests, and coverups of the child molestation by its priests, for the last decade.

Man, I thought I was finally done updating this one, but here we go again...

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, Ted Nugent, and Willard Mitt Romney not to go.

And with the recent failed Underwear Bomber Mark 2, one from the very first list:

* A successful terrorist attack during a Republican administration proves we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism. Unsuccessful terrorist attacks during a Democratic administration prove we need strong, Republican leadership to fight terrorism.

And now for the new ones:

* It is unfair to expect a banker to live on a mere $350,000 a year. And just a reminder: teachers and janitors earning $50,000 a year are lazy and overpaid.

* A talk radio host once caught carrying a bag full of illegal Viagra out of the child prostitute capitol of the Western hemisphere has the moral authority to call women who use birth control "sluts" and "prostitutes"

* You rail about how the last five hundred years of scientific and technological advancement is the work of Satan. From your internet blog.

* It is disgusting and improper for a candidate for office to solicit money from Hollywood actors; they should get their campaign money the proper way--from energy industry executives, billionaire hedge fund managers, and Wall Street bankers.

* Palling around with owners of NASCAR and NFL teams assures that one is a champion of the common man.

* The Catholic Church is too kind and generous to the altar boys its priests raped.

* Stalkers of black teenagers have the right to defend themselves with lethal force if the black teenager fights back with his Skittles and iced tea.

* Hoodies are the clothing of hardened, vicious, violent criminals without exception. Except when Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo Rivera wear them.

* Women never use contraception for any reason other than preventing pregnancy, just like men never use Viagra for any reason other than to cause pregnancy.

* State-mandated invasive vaginal probes do not offend you. Comics talking about the invasive vaginal probes, however, DO offend you.

* Christians are victimized and deserving of our sympathy. African Americans are not.

* Bankers are powerless and under-represented in our political system.

* Neo-Nazi skinheads are a "Civil Rights Group". Occupy Wall Street protesters are "Domestic Terrorists"

* A CNN commentator who said something unflattering about Ann Rmoney must be repudiated by the Democratic party immediately. A washed-up one-hit-wonder rock star who threatens President Obama does not have to be repudiated by the Republican party.

* A CNN commentator who says something unflattering about Ann Rmoney represents what Democrats really think. A Republican congressman who makes up a delusional story about 80 communists in congress does not represent what Republicans really think.

* Willard Mitt Rmoney was (and will be) lying and pandering when he said he was a moderate who supported abortion rights and created Rmoneycare in Massachussetts. Willard Mitt Rmoney is telling the truth when he says he's a "severe conservative" who opposes abortion rights and opposes Obamacare even though it's almost identical to Rmoneycare.

(The sad thing is how many of the more rational kinds of voters will vote for him anyway, thinking it's the other way around)

* A rich white woman who stays home to raise her kids is making a career choice. A poor black woman who stays home to raise her kids is a welfare queen.

* Raising kids when you have a multi-million dollar stock portfolio is exactly the same thing as having a job.

* Trying to make millionaires pay at least the same tax rates as everyone else is "divisive". Calling everyone who disagrees with you Nazi Communists who hate America is not.

* A fifty year-old woman drinking a beer is a major scandal. Two underage twins ordering a beer in a bar is none of our business.

* Being president for 4 years makes you less qualified than running for president your whole life.

* It's wrong to exploit military success for partisan advantage unless you're a Republican.

* The largest corps in America recorded record profits in 2011...Which is why they need more tax cuts, less regulation & smaller payrolls.

* Job Creation = Firing Lots and Lots Of People Just To Pad The CEO's Bottom Line

* Trying to stop billionaires from dodging their taxes makes you a Nazi.