And yes, I totally understand how writing through pain — and then letting it go of the product — can work wonders.

it was a saving as it turned out...

I'm happy to see you've found your way through the grief and peace on the other side...

We had a discussion about writing through grief, altho his was poetry. My advice was "go to the moment." He loved his mother's cakes and pies. I said "write about what her kitchen smelled like, what her cakes and pies tasted like on your tongue and the mouth feel." He says he's starting on a poem tomorrow. I am hopeful for him...

everyone. I just can't stand the condemners who want to villify her. She was a victim of circumstance, She didh't want to hate on anyone or blame them. She was a loving mom and alcoholism caught her. I wish she could have been saved but she wasn't and it ended up killing her.

winners and losers, instead of unique individuals with wide ranges of emotion and creativity. They are not monsters they are our sisters, sons, grandfathers and friends. They were taught that they were not good enough by society. They cannot handle that lie so they drink to drown those feelings. We love them. I love my son. I cry for him. I beg him to want to live.

I think the world would be a better place if more people wrote.

Me.

I have been watching my sweet 17 YO dog deteriorate rapidly since Thursday. I am distressed, and trying to prepare myself for his passing. I very much appreciate your post. It has given me perspective.

I'm sorry for your loss, and glad you have kept Ann's memory and your love for her.

see what happens. I don't think it matters if you share it, just as long as you feel it and express it.

I am so very sorry. Losing a beloved pet was one of the biggest sadness of my life. I was saddened so badly and it took me years to get over it...I could never have a pet again...

motivated me to write about it. I think that will be cathartic.

Thank you so much, again.

I lots my beloved cat, Tony, almost two years ago. I still tear up sometimes. After he passed, a few days later, I shared my feelings about it and about him here at DU in the Pet Group. It helped. I got to share my memories of him with others and it made me feel they got to know him too.

They leave their paw prints everywhere, including our heart.

Right at your local pet rescue group, there are pets who desperately need you.

thought I could never love a pet again. It hurt like hell...

I love my Bear Doggies, and I'll miss him very much.

Our brains can help our hearts, if we let them. Emotions have immense, even overwhelming, power.

"Putting it into words" captures the essence behind the emotional feeling while putting a perceptual 'cushion' between you, and the power of the feeling.

What we're learning from advanced imaging of the brain, is just how effective the process is. Spoken words, written words, sung words-- poetry, prose-- each kind of words has a slightly different way of helping us with overwhelming feeling.

I'm glad you found this solace. Your memories of Ann may be a greater comfort in the future, because you've taken the time to put them into words.

respectfully,
Bright

that it was the right thing to do. I just takes time to get them across. And it akes time to know it's okay...

wow, I was just telling my husband today I wondered if I would ever stop grieving and be able to remember things and smile.

Thank you.

after our daughter was stillborn in 1989. I wrote long hand. Filled a lot of notebooks.
Then when I was pregnant with our second son--and confined to bed rest for 4 1/2 months
in danger of losing him a year later-- writing was what got me through that time.

I continued writing after he was born. Took a playwriting class at UNL when we lived in Lincoln. Wrote a play loosely
based on my husband's father basically writing him out of his will--at the urging/manipulation of
his 4th wife (married when he was 92). Was working on my second play when 9/11 happened
and I just stopped writing. My mother had died in 2000 and I moved my father from California to North Carolina several months later.
He had developed post-operative dementia after surgery for a routine hernia repair and he was in a nursing home near us
because he needed 24 hour care. I just didn't have the energy to devote to writing fiction at that point.

When our house burned down in 2007 I lost everything I'd ever written, except for my finished play
which I'd copyrighted and was able to get from the Copyright Office of the Library of Congress.

I wasn't ready to let go of all those journals, all those feelings of grief and hope. In the back of my mind, I had thought I might
turn them into a memoir one day.

I don't do much writing any more. I'm having more fun with photography.

sure, I truly believe, as much as painting and sculpture.

I want to get back to my art posts on Friday but we have been waiting for delivery of a new desk (I have been typing on a makeshift one since our old computer desk literally fell apart weeks ago. I have one written and ready to go....

about my Dads sudden passing in 2000. 16 years is a long weary weight.

Maybe just a few sentences. Maybe a short verse of poetry? Can you write in the moment about him and perhaps a happier time and memory?

Emily Dickinson wrote about sadness in her life being a "presentiment on the grass" like a shadow at a time when death at an early age was all too common. You might find some solace in her words. Everything she wrote that we know about is online and you can look it up. I recommend it when you are ready...it may help...

Lost my dad just two years earlier. Lfe can be very hard.

in 1991...both she and he are gone yet they were happy then. Both were alcoholics who loved and were loved (and also not so loved at times). It took me back to that lovely day of my daughter's wedding when we were all so happy...

I am so sorry for all of your losses. Too much for oneperson. I hope you get healing soon. You are loved...

and I think it is an incredible accomplishment to allow yourself to walk through grief, feel it, move through it and go on with your life.

It's truly an amazing testament to your resilience and strength.

Grieving is really tough work. Feeling sadness is really excruciating and tough. Anger is so much easier than sadness. And many get stuck in anger, on their way to sadness. If you're lucky to get to sadness, you can get stuck there and sometimes it's hard to pull out of it.

You are amazing for persevering and finding the courage to heal; and also for sharing your journey.

I'm sure others benefitted from hearing it. I know I did.

I hope that you find validation and comfort in the responses to your post.

You just have to let it. And it can be music, paintings, sculpture, poetry...whatever moves your art. Without it, we are sunk...

We all experience it in different ways and when people share those experiences, it can sometimes help those who are still lost in the fog to find their way. I am sure your post will touch a few people in ways they are yet to understand.

Grief, like art, is personal, but sharing one's own experience can help others translate a part of their life which may have been elusive. I used the analogy because I associate you with art and have been appreciative of your sharing that part of yourself and I also appreciate your sharing this part, as well.

share memories that no one else has.

Some really good responses here too. Thanks for starting this thread.

In some ways your grief is a reflection of the power of the relationship you had with your sister-in-law. You are lucky for having had that relationship.

I gave a little memoriam at her service. I ended my short memorial quoting these lines from Bridge over Troubled Water:

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.

One of the giant wonderful songs that those of a certain age still cherish. And Art Garfunkel's wonderful voice.

Thank you for sharing.

A bit about modes of learning: I am auditory and kinesthetic. That's why in school I had to go to class, hear the lecture (auditory) and take notes (physical action). I think writing in longhand is very therapeutic even though I can type a lot faster.

My older sister passed away from brain cancer in 1990 as a young adult and it destroyed me and my parents. They say that losing a child is the worst loss you can bear. Seeing it happen to my parents convinced me of that. My sister was my best friend, even though we were almost seven years apart, and we did a lot of things together.

Watching people destroy their lives through alcoholism is hard. They are adults and you can't tell them what to do. My husband stopped after gradually increasing his drinking over three or four years. I knew it would catch up with him. I didn't know when, or how, because I didn't know what the medical details were. He had acute pancreatitis a few months ago and has sworn off alcohol. It was painful enough that it got his attention. And it's tragic that alcohol is socially encouraged and legal when it can do so much to destroy bodies and families.

Thanks again for sharing. I know you cherish the good memories.

she is a trained social worker and could see me going into sadness talking about her mother and said "Let's go over and have our picture taken" in the little machine that takes your picture making funny faces. She knew enough to get me out of that mood and I bless her for doing it. It's something Ann would do...

Grief is tough. My mother passed 3 years ago and I'm just now gaining some sense of normalcy. I'm glad you're better.

months earlier she just gave up. She died peacefully and medicated against pain. I held her hand and whispered that I was here with her.