scrupulously avoid eye contact with each other. They're a very insecure lot, especially when it comes to perceptions of their sexuality.

Depending on the male and my relationship to the male I very consciously gauge my eye contact. The same goes with the women I interact with. I go out of my way to make sure that I don't seem to aggressive or dominating to women so I avoid making stern and strong eye contact with them to the same level I would with a man that was subservient to me (as in when I was in the military and held a rank and position that elevated me above others).

There are a lot of animalistic cues that we are still susceptible to despite our logic and intelligence. Eye contact is one of them. For instance watch two cats or dogs stare each other down in a show of dominance. Aside from the size of our brains, we are just as much of an animal as they are.

However, if you want to get to the sexual part of it, I believe domination is a part of sexuality. The act of penetration requires the female to be submissive to the male. A dog humping your leg is a sign that the dog is trying to dominate you, not that he or she is just horny.

I don't know if I'm making sense with my argument, but I'll gladly attempt to explain what I'm trying to say here.

We all probably have our own ideas about non-verbal cues as to a foreign entity's motives, lol.

In my experience, Anglo men are WAY too uptight about social perceptions of gayness. Non-Anglos don't care - as much. Nor do their societies - as long as they are making babies, they can be gay without being "gay".

Anyway, I'll toast you back!

Not being snarkey buy curious. In my admittedly limited experience men from Central America seem much more concerned about their manhood than Anglos. The guys I work with from there really work on their Macho thing. But I'm a southern middle-aged white guy so I could be totally wrong.

who would pick apart my every sentence, so let's just let it suffice to say that it probably is likely that, as you imply, our own personalities color our worlds, and I see things that other men do not. It's not a big deal.

Peace.

(If you really want my full 2 cents which will be worth about that, you can PM me, cheers.)

Notice my low post count. How would I go about PMing you. Not that I will but apparently it's a skill I'm going to need. I should have describe myself as a middle-age, low-tech, southern white guy.

On the subject at hand I respect your opinion and assume you have more knowledge that I.

I didn't say anything about "sexual attraction".

Heterosexual males, usually avoid eye contact with each other, out fear of being perceived as gay or effeminate. Nothing fills them with insecurity like being thought of as gay, and nothing is more insulting to them, than to be thought of as effeminate by their peers. Looking another man in the eye, is a big no no, for most, especially if they're strangers.

The cultural narrative about boldly and honestly meeting the gaze of another man, does not match the reality.

Lol.

I have never heard it said that heterosexual males tend to avoid eye contact with one another, and I've certainly never observed such a tendency.

For many years I have greeted customers, by the hundreds each day. In my experience, the males who display the most hyper-masculine of affectations, are the ones least likely to directly meet my gaze. Women seem to have no problem looking at me directly.

I like to observe peoples' behavior. These are some things I've taken note of, over the years.

you could come up with lots of different explanations.

Maybe it's simply a fear of humiliation. I mean-- in my experience, the 'machismo' fixation is something almost class based in North America, and the further down the social hierarchy you go, the more likely you are to encounter it. Which kind of makes sense, if it's about social status. Maybe these men are uncomfortable around another man in situations that aren't native to them. Not knowing the 'right' way to behave, even if it's just a greeting, could seem emasculating.

I don't know-- as I said, I've never observed such a tendency. Just the opposite, in fact. Machismo was pretty big in my diesel mechanic/ construction working family, and the men would pretty mercilessly ridicule you if you *didn't* make eye contact. They considered it a sign of weakness.

I was in a discussion and the subject came up about the male feeling afraid of being labeled a gay but they were born in a time period where there was much negative national discussion of homosexuality. For me being a boomer, I grew up with other boys and they were my "Pals" and never thought a thing about it. A soldiers buddy was one of the most important person to him during war.

It had everything to do with my self confidence and nothing to do with my sexuality

I have no comments about you personally.

You have to be a confident male to exist in the world. Strong men back their friends. Strong men look each other in the eye. Strong men aren't bullies. Strong men are sometimes gay. Strong men do not degrade and abuse women to make themselves feel stronger. It took me a while to realize these things. I just don't think sexuality plays into the lack of eye contact.

That's just a fantasy.

can easily be taken as a challenge.

That aggressive remark, "What are you looking at?!"--and its variation, "You lookin'at me?"--are responses to a perceived challenge.

I have two boys with ASD. One high functioning/2e, the other more firmly in the spectrum. They are very different in their needs and presentation, even with similar diagnoses. So articles like this are so helpful. I especially like the adult perspective, so little of that out there to help parents know how to help their kids understand the feelings and emotions they are going through. You can say it okay, and you're not alone, but here is someone that understands, and is trying to advocate understanding for others. Thank you.

Take care.

isn't staring someone directly in the eye considered rude or threatening in some Asian cultures?

I'm not talking about groping; I mean anything other than a handshake or a touch between the hand and elbow region. The "just met you" hug is especially unpleasant. That was one of the worst things about dealing with my mother's death; absolute strangers trying to violate my personal space because I guess things weren't sucking enough for me. I don't feel the need to tolerate this to make total strangers feel good about themselves.

I only hug on special occasions.

My boyfriend hugs everybody. He hugs the downstairs neighbor after dinner. For Christ sake, I'm going to see her again in an hour when I let the dog out.

... then again, those very close to me don't overdo it 😜

Totally do not get why some people hug at every repeated, unremarkable encounter. That's reserved for people I see naked regularly, so the cats and some I guy I married.

My son has high functioning autism, and through lots of work, ("look at my nose"... "look at my eyebrows&quot he now has a pretty good handle on eye contact. At one time he couldn't do it at all, and then only while holding a hand over one eye, and now it comes almost naturally.

And it's important too... neuotypical folks take it for granted, but we subconsicously appraise the frame of mind of the people we're talking to by looking at their faces - centered on their eyes. Learning to interpret people's emotional state is an important factor social interaction and personal success.

but avoid direct eye contact.

It's hard for some people. Luckily, not for me.

People who smoke marijuana have difficulty making eye contact, too.

I watch the other person's mouth. If I don't, I have much more trouble understanding what's being said.

I think this must be fairly common.

because every time I did, the other person thought I was trying to scare or intimidate them...

Sometimes you can't win....

I'm one of the people the author is talking about, who has always had problems maintaining eye contact...

I'm just saying what happened when I took people's advice and made a concerted effort to make eye contact...

I can't trust you

in the eye.

If those indicators are not met - no way.They will get an occasional glance - that's all I can muster. I think its a common problem for shy people or introverts.

but of course, this will be ignored.

like pointing with a finger.

Often don't make eye contact. I had an uncle like that. He lived alone and was just more comfortable by himself. He was also a really nice man who was very gentle and kind. But socially he was very uncomfortable around other people.

I can force myself to do it, but it is exhausting.

But my family and teachers stayed on me to do so, and eventually it became second nature. Making eye contact communicates confidence, whether you actually feel that way or not. It's important.

I think there's a little too much catering to peoples' "comfort" sometimes, frankly. Life is full of uncomfortable things that are nevertheless good for you.

After reading research that showed that people with autism registered "fear" in their brain when having to make eye contact, I never wrote another goal for eye contact.

I was always taught to look someone in the eyes when talking to them. Not to stare them down, but my Father and I would continually make and break eye contact when talking and that, I guess, is what I considered normal. And I do not say this to hurt anyone, but I was taught to be wary of those who would not look me in the eye. Apparently, I was wrong and looking folks in the eye is not something everyone can easily do. I have travelled enough to realize that there are cultures where looking folks in the eye is rude. I do research before travelling to a new country to minimize the chance I will offend.

I have only been a member here for a short time and have only been reading for a couple of years. I regret I did not find this site sooner as the most valuable things I have learned are really not political.

She could look you in the eye through it, but she could not make direct eye contact.

Thanks for this post.

The times they are a-changing. Humans get more and more secular with each passing day.

It really bothers me since I get no signals of the best way to communicate with him. I decided I would just talk all the time and not do anything special so he could learn about interaction. He isn't Rain Man or Temple Ganden but just one of the sweetest young boys with a huge mountain to climb. Grandaddy is trying to climb it with him.